Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills to cover his children in our new home?

Grumpyyeti

Practically, to pay 50:50 on the deposit and then the partner pay a bigger proportion of the mortgage for a larger part of the ownership would be a nightmare to manage. After each payment the difference between what each party had paid (deposit plus mortgage payment) would change and this would affect the split in ownership - after each mortgage payment it would only be a tiny change but cumulatively the difference would build up. So do you track the change every month or wait and see if you split up after ten or fifteen years? In my opinion all the fixed costs - housing, council tax water (if you aren't on a meter), sewerage etc. could be split down the middle and the costs significantly affected by having  a 1:4 split apportioned with the father paying a larger share. But it brings it's own problems because, for example, do you split gas/electric standing charges equally and then proportionately divide the usage costs? Monthly, weekly or annually? The key here is the proposition is to live as a family (part time) and it's a situation both people are going into with their eyes open. If at this stage there are discussions which amount to "I shouldn't be subsidising the cost of raising your children from a previous partner" then that's a big red flag anyway. If it's that big a deal make a pragmatic decision - all the shared bills get paid 50:50 but maybe the father pays for the weekly shop to reflect that four (even for part weeks) are going to eat more than one?

kimwp

Faceuptoreality said:

I go back to my previous mantra:

DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE UNLESS YOU INTEND TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM.

problem(s) solved.

Given that most people are unable to foretell the future, things change and life happens (and people are not always who they present themselves to be), this only solves the problem if you only sleep with someone just before you die.

kimwp

Grumpyyeti said:

Practically, to pay 50:50 on the deposit and then the partner pay a bigger proportion of the mortgage for a larger part of the ownership would be a nightmare to manage. After each payment the difference between what each party had paid (deposit plus mortgage payment) would change and this would affect the split in ownership - after each mortgage payment it would only be a tiny change but cumulatively the difference would build up. So do you track the change every month or wait and see if you split up after ten or fifteen years? In my opinion all the fixed costs - housing, council tax water (if you aren't on a meter), sewerage etc. could be split down the middle and the costs significantly affected by having  a 1:4 split apportioned with the father paying a larger share. But it brings it's own problems because, for example, do you split gas/electric standing charges equally and then proportionately divide the usage costs? Monthly, weekly or annually? The key here is the proposition is to live as a family (part time) and it's a situation both people are going into with their eyes open. If at this stage there are discussions which amount to "I shouldn't be subsidising the cost of raising your children from a previous partner" then that's a big red flag anyway. If it's that big a deal make a pragmatic decision - all the shared bills get paid 50:50 but maybe the father pays for the weekly shop to reflect that four (even for part weeks) are going to eat more than one?

In terms of ownership if it's based on unequal mortgage payments, you can draw up an agreement with an equation, so you don't have to keep recalculating.

Something like; initial deposit compared to initial cost of house gives a proportion of the equity. Remaining equity split by ratio of mortgage payments.

cantbelieveit23

Never thought of having joint bank accounts, combining resources, making everything equal, and reducing this stress?

whydoineedone

If this is to be a permanent relationship, think what would the case be if you moved in together then had children of your own instead. You’d split everything equally wouldn’t you? So in a long term relationship his kids become your kids. They are part of the family. I don’t see how you can arrange finances as if these kids are some sort of add-ons. You’re in it together.

Faceuptoreality

kimwp said:

Faceuptoreality said:

I go back to my previous mantra:

DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE UNLESS YOU INTEND TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM.

problem(s) solved.

Given that most people are unable to foretell the future, things change and life happens (and people are not always who they present themselves to be), this only solves the problem if you only sleep with someone just before you die.

So why don’t fathers pay for 5heir offspring?

Shiftyxx

This is a no-brainer. You should pay 50-50 on the mortgage and he pays more of the bills for his kids. If you haven't even moved in together, and he's already thinking of an exit strategy that leaves him with more than you, he's definitely NOT "The One" and you should show him the door NOW.

kimwp

Faceuptoreality said:

kimwp said:

Faceuptoreality said:

I go back to my previous mantra:

DO NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE UNLESS YOU INTEND TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM.

problem(s) solved.

Given that most people are unable to foretell the future, things change and life happens (and people are not always who they present themselves to be), this only solves the problem if you only sleep with someone just before you die.

So why don’t fathers pay for 5heir offspring?

Wut???????

bookaholicdragon

Take a good hard look at your relationship.  Do you really, really want to commit to this man and to three children who are not your own. Three children of your own would be hard work, but acting as step-mother……?  You are already in a financial mine-field because there is no marriage.
O.K.you are in love with this man but BEWARE; this could really mess up your life.  Sorry for being so cynical but I have seen what happens in similar situations.


 

JayD

If you are paying 50% of the mortgage, then you should own 50% of the property.

Don't give up your equal right.

If his kids are increasing the bills - then he should pay a larger portion of the bills.

Simples!