🌞 Happy Days in our Golden Years 🌞

maggiem

Very sorry to read such sad news. Thinking of you all.

Fortune_Smiles

Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments. I felt I needed to come back to my diary and write about all the ordinary, mundane, boring, safe, comforting and beautiful parts of my life to try to balance this awful, devastating, heart breaking loss. But I didn't know how to do that without saying "this has happend" and "it changes everything". We lost our angel at the end of March on my 60th birthday.

I can feel a blanket of fog descending on me full of gloom and sadness. But our family need us to be strong for them so I have to find a way of keeping myself together. I am going to try to get some routine and structure back into my life this week. Because of the circumstances there are some hurdles to deal with and I want to be able to help with those but I have to be able to regulate my emotions to do so. There may be some financial help needed too. I think keeping this diary may bring a little 'normality' back into a distressing time.

Fortune x

Cheery_Daff

Glad you're back here Fortune and I hope writing about the everyday brings you some steadiness at least. Sorry to hear there are some additional hurdles to deal with as well. Xx

beanielou

Also sorry life has added hurdles. Life is so cruel sometimes.

Fortune_Smiles

Routine

I think having some structure and predictability in my day today has helped a little:

Health 🧘‍♀️

• I went to gym class this morning. I wasn't able to do much as I'm recovering from torn intercostal muscles (a legacy of the Covid Mr F and I contracted in February 🙁) But I did shuffle from side to side a bit and felt better for it. I found it difficult emotionally though - it was hard just being around people. However, now I've torn the sticking plaster off next time should be easier
• Mr F made his specialty boiled eggs with sourdough toast for breakfast. We had Sweet Chilli Fish Finger Wraps for lunch and I added some sweetcorn that needed using up and some mixed seeds for extra variety and a bit of crunch. Supper was
  https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/salmon-leeks-parsnip-mash
  to use up some bendy parsnips from the bottom of the fridge.
• I made a little dent in the ironing pile whilst watching 'The Other Bennet Sister'.

Wealth 💰

• the business accounts are almost up to date now. We've fallen behind on everything this year due to sh*%ty life stuff so I'm playing catch up. All invoices have been raised, I just need to put through some expenses and charge them back to the client
• I meal planned for the week. We have some spinach and chard in the veg patch which survived the winter and is looking quite good so I've included some recipes to use them up.
• Mr F gave me the meter reading so I could submit that. He also checked the oil tank levels. We have about a quarter of a tank left which, I'm hoping, will see us through until prices start coming down (if they ever do 🙄). We paid £283 for 500 litres this time last year and will have to pay £736 now 😲 We've turned the heating off and are relying on the log burner to take the chill off the house if need be. I did have the heating on for a couple of hours this evening while I had a bath though.
• Mr F had to top his car up with fuel as we have a couple of long journeys to do over the next few weeks. We don't want to chance running out somewhere and finding the nearest fuel station is closed. That has only happened once here and that was because people started panic buying but I'm hearing of other areas that have run out periodically.
• We are behind on the garden too so Mr F spent some time mowing and planting onions.
• I've received a Directions Questionnaire from the Court 🙄 Yes, bully builder is still being an a$$hol£. It's pretty straight forward but I need to speak to the Court/my solicitor about a couple of things before completing it.

Happiness 🙂

• I'm desperately in need of some nightwear so I started work on some new pyjama bottoms. They need two buttonholes for a drawstring and after a gazinty billion practice goes, I think I've finally mastered the automatic buttonhole foot on my machine. Buttonholes are something I've been scared of since I started sewing so I feel like I've conquered my fear now 🙂 I used some floral viscose from my stash and already had most of the notions needed so I won't need to fork out on much else for them
• A fabulous sewing friend has had a clear out of their supplies and offered me 4 metres of gorgeous cotton waffle fabric which will be perfect for a dressing gown.
• The same friend bought me a voucher for my birthday which I've put towards some sewing patterns and notions. The balance will be met from my personal spending funds
• I've finished the day watching the last of 'The Other Bennet Sister' in the bath. As well as bubbles, I added bath salts for the magnesium which has been helping me to sleep better and feel less stressed.

I notice a new format has crept in whilst I've been away. I like the 'insert media' option but could only manage that for one recipe and not the other. I'm sure I'll work it out.

Anyhoo, I survived the day. I can't say it involved any joie de vivre as even the things that usually bring me joy fall flat at the moment. However, just doing them, even when I didn't feel like it, helped me to keep going and recognise some glimmers of light; a kind friend, a full larder, a few treats. It will all help to keep the gloom from descending.

Thank you again for all the kind messages and support.

Fortune x

greent

Oh, Fortune, I've only just caught up and I'm so very sorry to read your heartbreaking news. Sending much love and the gentlest of hugs to you and yours.

Glad to see you're posting. Sometimes life is just a big pile of 💩

Willow1983

Just 💔news x

Humdinger1

Darling @Fortune_Smiles I don't know what your philosophical or religious views may be. Can I say that physics teaches us that nothing made is ever lost, it transmutes. It's also been suggested that these awful situations are where cherubs come from. Forgive me if this sounds trite. Sending so much love to you all Humdinger xx

Humboldt

Dear @Fortune_Smiles I have only just read your very sad news. Sending love and condolence's to you and your family ❤️

Fortune_Smiles

Dark clouds and blue skies

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. I think I tried to return to my diary a little too quickly as it took longer than I'd expected to put back any structure or normality into my days. But I feel as though we have passed the last of the dark clouds that were approaching from the horizon as the funeral was held on Wednesday. It was a small and beautiful service with just very close family. Desperately sad of course but also strangely comforting and restorative. We went to a local restaurant afterwards and sat in the glorious sunshine with everyone which felt very affirming. We also got to see the Littlest Fortunate before we went home which we weren't expecting and was the best medicine.

And now I must turn my mind to restoring some equilibrium.

I am still feeling emotional and haven't had a chance to give myself any thought during this time so decided to spend a few days on some self-care.

I took myself off into town on Friday for a hair cut and stayed to have some lunch in our local bookshop cafe. A friend had given me a voucher for the bookshop so I put that towards the lunch. My Book Club had given me book tokens for my birthday so I spent a lovely hour browsing the shelves and bought myself some books, including one on friendship which I thought would be a good reminder of their generosity. I popped into M@rks before I left and picked up a meal deal for supper so I didn't have much to prepare when I got home. Not an entirely money saving day but it brought me some joy and decompression and I think that's a good investment right now.

Yesterday I finished the pyjama bottoms I've been making and started a painting for a friend who will be moving away from the area soon. We had a salad for lunch and I put in as much variety as I could - mixed salad leaves, pepper, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, sweetcorn, red onion, avocado, poached salmon and a sprinkle of mixed dried berries and seeds. I feel I need a vitamin and mineral boost at the moment. Supper was

https://www.waitrose.com/ecom/recipe/cod-green-bean-traybake-crispy-capers

I spent a little time outside in the sunshine walking FDawg and giving Mr F instructions for the veg patch. I usually do all the planting but, as I have other things on my plate at the moment, he has taken that over. He very proudly showed me some rows of lettuce and said it had been very difficult to plant all those tiny, tiny seeds…. individually 🤣 That kept me amused for hours 🤣 I did show him how to sew thinly in drills for next time.

Today I have a similarly relaxed day planned but it will be back to it on Monday. One can only go forwards.

I hope you are all enjoying the weekend.

Fortune x