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Internment of ashes. Advice
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Chellylouise
Posts: 13 Forumite

Hi all..
I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.
When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest
It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.
A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.
Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.
Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.
What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right?
I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.
I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.
When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest
It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.
A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.
Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.
Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.
What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right?
I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.
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Comments
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Chellylouise said:Hi all..
I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.
When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest
It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.
A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.
Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.
Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.
What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right?
I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.
£600 isn't atypical for interring ashes in a cemetery grave. If you google on 'cemetery fees [the locality of the grave' you should get a full list of local fees.Googling on your question might have been both quicker and easier, if you're only after simple facts rather than opinions!2 -
Thank you for your reply.
I already asked if they can recommend anyone to help. They said they don't do recommendations. I was hoping they might have someone contracted to them that could do it and of course I'd have to pay the fee. But ultimately they said it's up to me as I'm now the grave owner to sort it out.
I was just more surprised at the fee I paid. Seems hefty to me. Now I know how little they do for that money. And I'm left with further costs and very short notice.
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Chellylouise said:Thank you for your reply.
I already asked if they can recommend anyone to help. They said they don't do recommendations. I was hoping they might have someone contracted to them that could do it and of course I'd have to pay the fee. But ultimately they said it's up to me as I'm now the grave owner to sort it out.
I was just more surprised at the fee I paid. Seems hefty to me. Now I know how little they do for that money. And I'm left with further costs and very short notice.
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If you aren't able to arrange for interment in time then one option may be to scatter some of the ashes over the grave this week so that you can hold the memorial as planned.
When we intered ashes for an uncle, it was the undertaker involved with the original funeral that arranged things. They may be the best people to contact, at least for advice.1 -
maman said:If you aren't able to arrange for interment in time then one option may be to scatter some of the ashes over the grave this week so that you can hold the memorial as planned.
When we intered ashes for an uncle, it was the undertaker involved with the original funeral that arranged things. They may be the best people to contact, at least for advice.0 -
Chellylouise said:Hi all..
I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.
When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest
It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.
A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.
Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.
Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.
What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right?
I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.0 -
If it's a council they usually provide digging and backfilling and someone to check the ID details of the ashes being interred.
What's on the grave, a proper memorial and kerb set or is it just some flags put down by family?
If it's a kerb set either contact a local stonemason directly who will be able remove any masonry and refix it to the required standards or if you would prefer not to deal with them directly speak to a local funeral director who will be able to deal with everything for a fee. It would be unusual to remove a headstone for an ashes interment.
Presumably it is a council cemetery if they are providing the grave digging? It sounds as if they have turned up to mark it ready for digging and have seen that it has flags on it. Is there a possibility that these were added by the family at some stage without the councils permission? If they didn't issue a permit they wouldn't have known about them. If it wasn't authorised then you are unlikely to be allowed to put them back afterwards.
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WYSPECIAL said:If it's a council they usually provide digging and backfilling and someone to check the ID details of the ashes being interred.
What's on the grave, a proper memorial and kerb set or is it just some flags put down by family?
If it's a kerb set either contact a local stonemason directly who will be able remove any masonry and refix it to the required standards or if you would prefer not to deal with them directly speak to a local funeral director who will be able to deal with everything for a fee. It would be unusual to remove a headstone for an ashes interment.
Presumably it is a council cemetery if they are providing the grave digging? It sounds as if they have turned up to mark it ready for digging and have seen that it has flags on it. Is there a possibility that these were added by the family at some stage without the councils permission? If they didn't issue a permit they wouldn't have known about them. If it wasn't authorised then you are unlikely to be allowed to put them back afterwards.0
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