Internment of ashes. Advice

Chellylouise

Hi all..

I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.

When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest 

It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.

A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged  the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.

Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.

Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.

What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right? 

I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.

Marcon

Chellylouise said:

Hi all..

I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.

When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest 

It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.

A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged  the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.

Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.

Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.

What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right? 

I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.

Being stressed isn't, of course, going to get anything done or make you feel better. Start by asking the cemetery office if they can recommend someone to do the necessary - I can't imagine this is the first time such preparation is needed.

£600 isn't atypical for interring ashes in a cemetery grave. If you google on 'cemetery fees [the locality of the grave' you should get a full list of local fees.

Chellylouise

Thank you for your reply.

I already asked if they can recommend anyone to help. They said they don't  do recommendations. I was hoping they might have someone contracted to them that could do it and of course I'd have to pay the fee. But ultimately they said it's up to me as I'm now the grave owner to sort it out.

I was just more surprised at the fee I paid. Seems hefty to me. Now I know how little they do for that money. And I'm left with further costs and very short notice. 

35har1old

Chellylouise said:

Thank you for your reply.

I already asked if they can recommend anyone to help. They said they don't  do recommendations. I was hoping they might have someone contracted to them that could do it and of course I'd have to pay the fee. But ultimately they said it's up to me as I'm now the grave owner to sort it out.

I was just more surprised at the fee I paid. Seems hefty to me. Now I know how little they do for that money. And I'm left with further costs and very short notice. 

Fee for interment at a memorial  tree £183 at cemetery 

maman

If you aren't able to arrange for interment in time then one option may be to scatter some of the ashes over the grave this week so that you can hold the memorial as planned.

When we intered ashes for an uncle, it was the undertaker involved with the original funeral that arranged things. They may be the best people to contact, at least for advice. 

Misha96

maman said:

If you aren't able to arrange for interment in time then one option may be to scatter some of the ashes over the grave this week so that you can hold the memorial as planned.

When we intered ashes for an uncle, it was the undertaker involved with the original funeral that arranged things. They may be the best people to contact, at least for advice. 

The  Catholic Church councils against scattering ashes, or dividing them, or having them made into jewellery. Cremated remains in their entirety are placed in an urn or casket. 

Misha96

Chellylouise said:

Hi all..

I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge on the responsibilities of a cemetery with regard to the internment of ashes into the family grave plot.

When my Mum passed away she requested to be cremated and her ashes placed in her family grave plot With a blessing by a catholic priest 

It has taken 4 months to transfer the ownership of the grave to me in order to be able to fulfill mum's wish.

A couple of weeks ago the grave transfer was finalised. And I arranged  the date of interment which is next week. I visited the cemetery office paid the £600 fee and I asked various questions. I asked twice if there as anything more I need to do or if I need to do any prep of the grave site before hand etc etc...i was told no, all we had to do was be there at the allocated time and the staff would take care of the rest.

Since then I've arranged a small wake for afterwards. Arranged everything with the priest. Had some lovely personalised memorial cards made and everything seemed like it was ready.

Until today when the cemetery rang and told me there is a stone slab and flagging placed over the grave. And I need to have this removed myself as it's not their responsibility? It's the weekend now which is going to leave me Mon Tues and Weds to try and arrange this. I've no idea what to do. And I can't understand why over the past 4 months this has not been mentioned to me.

What have I paid 600 pounds for if the cemetery are not responsible for anything other than digging a small hole in the ground and filling it in? Does this sound right? 

I'm so stressed now and no idea what to do.

Have you googled for a grave care service in your locality? Or tried Facebook for recommendations of such services? There are small firms out there will expert knowledge of how to deal with older graves. 

WYSPECIAL

If it's a council they usually provide digging and backfilling and someone to check the ID details of the ashes being interred.

What's on the grave, a proper memorial and kerb set or is it just some flags put down by family?

If it's a kerb set either contact a local stonemason directly who will be able remove any masonry and refix it to the required standards or if you would prefer not to deal with them directly speak to a local funeral director who will be able to deal with everything for a fee. It would be unusual to remove a headstone for an ashes interment.

Presumably it is a council cemetery if they are providing the grave digging? It sounds as if they have turned up to mark it ready for digging and have seen that it has flags on it. Is there a possibility that these were added by the family at some stage without the councils permission? If they didn't issue a permit they wouldn't have known about them. If it wasn't authorised then you are unlikely to be allowed to put them back afterwards.

Misha96

WYSPECIAL said:

If it's a council they usually provide digging and backfilling and someone to check the ID details of the ashes being interred.

What's on the grave, a proper memorial and kerb set or is it just some flags put down by family?

If it's a kerb set either contact a local stonemason directly who will be able remove any masonry and refix it to the required standards or if you would prefer not to deal with them directly speak to a local funeral director who will be able to deal with everything for a fee. It would be unusual to remove a headstone for an ashes interment.

Presumably it is a council cemetery if they are providing the grave digging? It sounds as if they have turned up to mark it ready for digging and have seen that it has flags on it. Is there a possibility that these were added by the family at some stage without the councils permission? If they didn't issue a permit they wouldn't have known about them. If it wasn't authorised then you are unlikely to be allowed to put them back afterwards.

Wise advice but this sounds like an older grave. There are a few in my family that have concrete slabs over the earth. The grave are then curbed... and they're not the easy to remove and put back. Obviously, the OP knows the grave and is in the best position to determine whether the local stone masons or a grave tendering service are more likely to help ar this troubling time. So much TLC has  gone into this. I hope everything works out at the OP can lay their Mum to rest in accordance with her faith tradition.

Chellylouise

Hi all

Thank you for all your helpful replies. It's a kerbs set up with a slab of stone lay flat on the top of the kerbs.. I am unsure if there is any further concrete/flags underneath once the stone slab laying on top of the kerbs is removed...

The first person that was placed in the grave was back in the late 50's as my mum's dad died when she was young so it is quite an old grave 

I have sent out some emails to stonemasons around the area. But am not likely to get many replies until Monday..

We have considered the ashes scattering option in the memorial garden but as a previous poster mentioned there would then be no blessing..I suppose the only other option is to cancel..although I'm desperately trying to avoid that as everything is paid for and in place plus people have arranged travel and hotels etc


 I guess all I can do is try my best Monday and hope that if I can find someone to do it..keep fingers crossed they don't arrive there and find more concrete/slabs than we're aware of.

Misha96

Chellylouise said:

Hi all

Thank you for all your helpful replies. It's a kerbs set up with a slab of stone lay flat on the top of the kerbs.. I am unsure if there is any further concrete/flags underneath once the stone slab laying on top of the kerbs is removed...

The first person that was placed in the grave was back in the late 50's as my mum's dad died when she was young so it is quite an old grave 

I have sent out some emails to stonemasons around the area. But am not likely to get many replies until Monday..

We have considered the ashes scattering option in the memorial garden but as a previous poster mentioned there would then be no blessing..I suppose the only other option is to cancel..although I'm desperately trying to avoid that as everything is paid for and in place plus people have arranged travel and hotels etc


 I guess all I can do is try my best Monday and hope that if I can find someone to do it..keep fingers crossed they don't arrive there and find more concrete/slabs than we're aware of.

I think I can picture the grave now. You will need a monumental mason. Is there any way you could phone or call in to their premises? My heart goes out to you. Please let us know how things progress.