Daughter finishing primary - very emotional

kimwp

I know what you mean about being surprised that crying can be avoiding emotions. I thought I was being really good at expressing my emotions, because I was crying left right and centre, but the therapist said it was me trying to avoid the pain of feeling the emotions by jumping to the cathartic effect of crying. It doesn't mean crying is bad, but I guess if any appearance of emotion immediately turns to a full blown blub session, then it's time to try just sitting with the emotions, as RAS described. I'm not a therapist, just speaking from personal experience, but learning this was a life changing experience. I think the process is something like - feeling and sitting with the emotion, then once it's subsided, examining it a little - what it is you are actually feeling, why you feel like that, what can you learn from it, what you can do about what is causing it (and sometimes it is nothing and you just have to accept it). If you practice it, then when an emotion wells up naturally, you'll be able to roll with it.

That Mind group sounds like a good possibility. Also there will be books and internet videos about helping kids transition through changes. 

kimwp

I would have hated a period party!! But knowing there are men who don't think it's gross or get weirded out by it makes a big difference. 

RAS

kimwp, you may find focusing interesting. Bit of an industry now but the basics are self help and mutual practice. Gendlin's basic book's a bit over a tenner.

ButterCheese

I don't believe in all the Americanised parties to label, identify everything and bring it out in the open.  A period party sounds like a complete nightmare to me.  Talking openly is fine, but some things need to be kept relatively low key.  The main message to convey IMO is, it happens to everyone, it's not a dirty subject, the house is a safe space to discuss any queroes she may have etc etc.

I definitely think that the other stresses in your life have probably made this transition more emotional for you.  I would persevere with your counsellor, go private if you can afford it.  Things often come up that you had absolutely no idea they were a problem.

Hazelnutty

My daughter's on her last day of year 10 and it feels like yesterday that we were at the point yours is! I just wanted to add to the mix that there are some real joys of the transition into and through senior school - it's not just a loss. I loved the conversations we started have as she matured, got a larger world view, started learning new subjects, met and mixed with more people etc. She makes me laugh in different ways, like her wry observations about teachers or some drama in the classroom. She's got more reflective and curious and we talk about school in 'the olden days' (i.e. when I was there ) and her plans for the future. I'd just say it's fine to be sad about what's been left behind, but don't let that become all that's happening - be open to what's only now becoming possible, because there are joys in it, even alongside (sometimes within seconds!) the challenges of having a teen in the house.