Divorced but partner with child wont sell house

gwynlas

You  call her your ex wife but have failed to say at what stage of divorce you are at.

If she cannot afford to buy you out then property needs to be sold and equity split as er financial settlement

You both need at least two bedroom properties in order to share child custody

Are there suitable homes available within the area and would your ex earn sufficient to pay mortgage?

itsatoughone123

We divorced without a financial agreement, we usually get on quite well still. But now i have mentioned wanting to sell the house its all gone to hell. She would get around £100k in the half of the house. I have even offered her more but i dont think she will come around. I just want to get on with my life without this over hanging on us. My solicitor said that we should try mediation and i suggested this but she just walked away crying. I hate hurting her but i need to deal with it all.

Albermarle

Tracet74 said:

I'm hazarding a guess you've separated but not divorced as yet?  In that case, your legal advisor is best placed to give you advice as they are aware of the complete picture.  It reads like you are trying to be the "good guy" but you also need to protect yourself. I speak from experience as it took me 15 years to broach the D word and that only happened when the mortgage came to term.

A good example - without a legal financial settlement, issues can keep resurfacing for years. With a legal financial settlement that is the end of the matter - a clean break financially at least.

itsatoughone123

My solicitor said that these days the courts dont always favour the mother and child when it comes to splitting assets. There is plenty of equity for her to live 10 years of renting, she has a partner and asked me how i felt about them living together a few months back. Today when i brought it up she said she never said it. Ive been paying the mortgage for 18 months and not living here, i've racked up 2 credit cards and i cant take anymore. She says because i have a partner that i live with its easy for me, which may be partially true, but we live in a tiny house with barely enough room for us 2 let alone when i have my daughter with me. 

Albermarle

itsatoughone123 said:

We divorced without a financial agreement, we usually get on quite well still. But now i have mentioned wanting to sell the house its all gone to hell. She would get around £100k in the half of the house. I have even offered her more but i dont think she will come around. I just want to get on with my life without this over hanging on us. My solicitor said that we should try mediation and i suggested this but she just walked away crying. I hate hurting her but i need to deal with it all.

One problem is that most likely the house is not the only asset you had. A financial agreement would have also taken into account any pensions, savings etc.
A common solution is that one keeps the house and the other gets the rest ( or most of it ) .

Section62

gwynlas said:

...
If she cannot afford to buy you out then property needs to be sold and equity split as er financial settlement

You both need at least two bedroom properties in order to share child custody
...

Ultimately that is for a judge to decide though - the child's needs come first.  If the finances and affordability means one parent keeps the house and the other makes do with a 1-bed with a sofa bed in the lounge then the judge can order that, provided legal occupancy standards aren't breached.

Tracet74

The best bet is taking the advice of your solicitor as they have the complete picture.  You will have to be the bad guy as she is using emotion for what is now essentially a transaction (I say this as a female).  Bite the bullet now so you can both move on, especially as you both have new partners.

itsatoughone123

Tracet74 said:

The best bet is taking the advice of your solicitor as they have the complete picture.  You will have to be the bad guy as she is using emotion for what is now essentially a transaction (I say this as a female).  Bite the bullet now so you can both move on, especially as you both have new partners.

Yeah i think you are right. The fact she said she did not say that when i know she did as it brought on a new conversation about it, just makes me feel im being a little played. I mean, nearly 2 years after separation ive been paying the mortgage and maintenance to my daughter, plus i gave the option of another year before we get rid of the house.... I dont think im being unreasonable. 

RAS

You really are setting yourself up for a financial mess, particularly if you have the larger pension, and as the non- resident parent more capacity for earning. The longer you leave the financial settlement, the more your ex can claim.

It would have been much better to have been clear with your ex from day one than set up unrealistic expectations. In divorce, both parties usually end up worse off than if they remained married.

So your ex is unrealistic in assuming she can expect you to pay the mortgage and maintenance long term.  And you are unrealistic expecting to only allow her half the equity. Or to expect her to actually move in with the new BF, or for that to immediately trigger a change in her financial capacity as it could fail within months or a couple of years.

Since your child will be in full-time school soon, that may be the time when you look to start making changes? 

Going forward there is also nothing to stop you paying more than the CMS if you wish, but no obligation.

So what are your incomes and potential for obtaining a mortgage? How do those figures compare with local house prices? What are your pensions worth? Any other assets? 

Hoenir

itsatoughone123 said:

Ive been paying the mortgage for 18 months and not living here, i've racked up 2 credit cards and i cant take anymore. 

Simply pay the due amount of child maintenance. You've both got to come to terms with the fact that the status quo has changed. What was previously affordable might not be any longer. Sometimes it takes reality to hit you in the face before making those tough decisions.