The Frugal Hearth: Stories of Simple Living and Living Well

beanielou

Enjoy your Friday.

ThriftyPrincess40

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81908605#Comment_81908605

I would ask the GP you saw for a referral letter to Rheumatologist including their exam explain you’re going out of area and it would help reduce delays and collect it. Rheumatologist physio in meantime as they can be quicker (receptionist can ask them for you as you’ve only just seen them). Then take the letter up to the new place, it’ll make things smoother quicker and save another assessment that might not be the outcome you want. It can be ‘pot luck’ The one you had today sounded very very knowledgeable

Elisheba

Good morning, Frugal Friends!

The house move is still dragging along which is stressing me out. The mortgage company are fine with the access issue in theory but need to check it doesn't affect the value of the house, so hopefully I'll hear back on that this week. After that I think not should be plain sailing but we'll see.

Moneywise I've been a little naughty. Was out with friends on Saturday and bought an expensive vinyl record - which I can't even play just now because I've packed my record player 🙄. Also got a couple of things in charity shops that I could have survived without, but which I liked. Just being gentle with myself about it all as stress is difficult and it makes me more impulsive, but I've not gone mad and once I've moved it'll be easier.

My big thing at the minute is that I'm pretty certain (like 99.9%) that I have ADHD. I'm not even sure why I was looking it up but when I did I was like - oh my goodness, that's me, that's me, that's me! I've gone down a bit if a rabbit hole on FB, YT and the like and it's an utter revelation that there are other people out there like me. It feels like such a relief. It explains so, so much.

My entire life it's been I'm too loud, I interrupt, I talk over people, I fidget, I procrastinate, I'm disorganised, I lose things, my time management is rubbish, I can't focus. And I just figured I'm Glaswegian (loudness), and I'm lazy (procrastinating and time management), I'm a bit chaotic (all the other stuff). I never talk about it because who wants to admit their failings, or why work can be hard even though you know you can do it in your sleep, or talk about why some people don't like them?

And it turns out it's an actual chemical imbalance in my brain! There is a reason for it all! I'm not lazy, I just really struggle with something called executive function. There are ways to manage it. I'm gobsmacked, I just can't believe it. All the stuff I find hard is just normal for the way my brain works. Why I have a 1000 thoughts a minute but struggle to keep even one of them in my brain.

I had a vague idea ADHD was just about hyperactive kids, although I knew adults had it as well. But it turns out it's way more than that. It seems the research mainly focused on children, and mainly male children (like so much medical research, women are massively under researched and diagnosed) and that ADHD can present quite differently in adults, and in women. I thought because I like reading and can focus to the exclusion of pretty much everything else on that, that I couldn't possibly have some sort of attention disorder. But it turns out that's normal as well - hyperfocus they call it. Not actually hugely healthy at times because you can ignore everything including food, hydration, and basical self care.

It's all about dopamine kicks. My brain doesn't uptake dopamine properly, which means all the things that are regulated by our reward centres like planning, organising, focusing, time management, and self restraint, are harder for me because I don't get the same dopamine reward in my brain. So things like motivation, starting tasks and focusing and concentrating on stuff that I'm not immediately interested in are really difficult for me. Things that give me an instant reward are much more appealing - like spending money (and doesn't that make more sense now!), social media, substances for some people, loads of both healthy and unhealthy 'easy' rewards.

And looking into it loads of the things that are suggested to help I'm already doing. Lists you can tick off each task on for that little dopamine kick. Breaking tasks down. Gamifying things. Basically anything that will make a task more interesting so you are getting that reward. But now I understand it more and understand how it works rather than just blindly fumbling around in the dark, I can develop better systems for managing things. More routines are actually better, the pomodora technique is apparently really helpful, also something called body doubling (where you work alongside someone who won't distract you, or can at least put on a YT video of someone to work alongside you) is useful.

I need to do more research, and find more techniques than help me hack my brain. Will also need to think about whether I want to go down the formal diagnosis pathway, because if I do there could be the option of medication as well. I have to admit the idea of being able to take a tablet and suddenly every day is like one of my great, productive days is very appealing. Seems a bit unbelievable, but definitely appealing. But all medication comes with side effects so would need to be thought about very carefully, and even getting a diagnosis can be hard work and take forever by the sounds of it.

It's all just... It feels so important to me, so validating. That voice in my head that tells me that everything I'm doing is wrong, that no matter how hard I try it's never good enough and other people seem to do things so much better. It's like I can just tell it to shut up, that yeah somethings are harder for me and I'm never going to be on time or find it easy to get started on tasks, but that's okay. It's not me being lazy, it's just my brain doing things differently, and it has it's positives - I'm creative and am filled with ideas, I'm pretty emotionally astute, I have a strong sense of justice, and I'm sure I'll find out more as I read more about it.

Now that I know more, I'm so excited to see what I can achieve. If I'd known this at University and how to deal with it, my degree would have been a lot better. No point crying over split milk but I am a bit annoyed that it's taken me to 45 to work this out. But at least now I do know, and I know I can overcome the hard stuff. Look what I've done with frugality. I made it fun for myself, and I've paid off almost all my debts and bought a house (hopefully). And that's without understanding properly how my brain works, and having to constantly combat a huge tendency towards impulsivity and instant rewards.

So yeah, I'm very excited about this! I think it could be life changing for me, a total game changer. I'm very, very grateful for my pre-diabetes because that made me pay more attention to my health, and as a result so much stuff I thought was normal I have realised isn't - the low level pain all the time is hypermobility and possibly hEDS, and my constant chaos is ADHD. And knowing those things means I can tackle them improve things. I'm not bothered about labels for the sake of them, but knowledge is power and I can make my life better with the understanding I have now. Yup, very exciting 😁.

Also, just to say I know some people have asked me for my blog link on PM and I haven't gotten back to them. Sorry, what with one thing and another I've been really distracted - and now I can blame that on my ADHD brain as a really handy shortcut, rather than explaining in great depth why something is important to me but I still haven't actually managed to do it! I will get back to you, hopefully this week.

I hope everyone has a great Wednesday. I have a ton of work I need to do at work today, and I'm doing to try out the Pomodoro method and body doubling to see if that helps. As I'm writing this I have YT ADHD focus music on and even that has helped me concentrate, so I'm very optimistic 😁. I'm also an hour later getting ready than I wanted to be because my time management sucks, but swings and roundabouts 😆.

OpalGirl

Great insights there @Elisheba - it looks like 2026 is going to be a year with lots of new beginnings for you, health wise and with the new house.

beanielou

I hear you & I salute you.

FootyFanDan

I also tend to have focus music on in the background when I am trying to do focused work and find it really settles my brain

Jellytotts

I found that since going through perimenopause and now menopause it seems like I have a lot of neuro spicy traits I’m no longer able to mask. Quite common with the hormone shifts so worth keeping a note if you’re going through similar hormonal changes too.

Humdinger1

Wonderful lbm @elisheba! My DD has ADHD and I think she may have inherited it from me. I've masked it too. So empowering to see it lucidly described. Good luck with the house love Humdinger xx

Elisheba

Morning, Friday Frugalista,

And how are you all this wonderful morning? I'm pretty blooming knackered if I'm honest as I'm not sleeping well at the moment. Can't get my brain to switch off at all. Takes ages to get to sleep, then dreaming in technicolour, and waking about 5am with my brain racing. It's the house move of course. Doesn't matter how much I write down, my brain keeps thinking through everything.

In good news though, I was told by my solicitor yesterday that everything is fine with the mortgage company and access, so I get the keys two weeks today!

So now I need to start paying for things. House insurance, cleaner, solicitor, other things I have written down in the brand new organisational app I'm using, but am currently too tired to remember.

The tiredness and heightened stress is not good for my impulsivity and quick reward seeking, and I've spent way too much money this week on things I don't really need like books and fidget toys. Sigh. Just got to give myself some grace, it'll be over soon.

Had a meal out last night with the WI. They were very kind in saying they would miss me, which was lovely considering I've only been here 2 odd years and most of them have known each other for 40 years plus.

I'm supposed to be going to a fundraising curry and quiz for a friend tonight, but I'm going to have to see how I feel. Apart from being tired, it will wind my brain up even more and that guarantees another bad night's sleep.

Thanks your kind thoughts on my ADHD. Tried the Pomodoro method at work and it did seem to help me focus. I read in a Substack article that I have what she called Fire Days and Potato Days, but if I just accept the Potato Days as a way for my brain to rest and accept I'll only manage the bare minimum on those days then I'll have less of them as my brain will be fighting with itself less and be less tired.

I've read quite a few other useful tricks and tips, like not to think of the big picture with tasks as it'll just cause paralysis, so break it down to baby steps and once I get started on the first one it's easier to keep going. And some very useful ways to not zone out when people are talking - hence the fidget toys - movement helps.

I've bought a Mother's Day card and present yesterday so must remember to go to the Post Office today. Need to get cash out out as well for the Quiz later if I do go. Got the cat litter changed and downstairs hoovered yesterday. Today I could do with cleaning the bathroom and hoovering upstairs, but we'll see if it happens. It's not urgent.

This weekend I have a lot of packing I want to get done. Need to tackle the garden furniture and garage, and tidy up the garden. Sadly the weather forecast isn't great, but I'll get as much as I can done.

If I get time I'm also going to sit down and write a new blog article. It probably won't be on decluttering, even though I said it would be, as I'm not feeling it right now 🤣. And I will share the blog link with the people I haven't got back to on PMs when I finish writing this. Sorry about the delay!

Hope everyone has a lovely Friday and has exciting plans for the weekend ☺️.

weenancyinAmerica

Quite a number of people on here are ADHD (me included). I was finally diagnosed when I was 62 but I can see looking back both my parents had it too. Especially could tell when I was cleaning house after their deaths. That's when I had it checked in me. Knowing the problem really does help make a difference, doesn't it!