Buying a house for a parent

youth_leader

I'm 68 and when my husband died did have to leave my very large and isolated house for financial reasons. 

I am not happy  in this bungalow in a surburban side street, but my kids are pleased I am now able to go to a neighbour if need be.  Have you spoken to your Mum about downsizing?  After thirty years of homemaking this bungalow does feel like I'm in an Airbnb, it will never be 'home'.

Myci85

Reading between the lines, is your mum wishing to stay in the family home, but you and your siblings are worried that this won't be suitable for her by herself? If so, and assuming there are no family members able to move in with her, could you work together to find a live in 'companion' for her if she doesn't need a carer as such?
Whilst being isolated may not be good for her wellbeing, I doubt being made to move somewhere she doesn't want to would be either. Thinking of my own mum, she lives in a big, rural house in the middle of nowhere, with endless old house issues, and much as my one brother tells her she should downsize to a sensible house now she is 77, I know it would make her miserable. But we are lucky that my youngest brother lives with her so she has someone to keep her company and help with jobs that are too much for her. 

Hoenir

Purely as an observation. Given your father is currently extremely ill. Is this the right time to be discussing downsizing with your mother?  Should your father pass away. Then allow your mother to grieve in the surroundings where she is comfortable and no doubt holds many personal cherished memories. Given breathing space she'll then be in a better space to decide what's best for herself in the future. 

whizzywoo

Have you actually spoken to your Mother concerning this?

What you think and what she thinks may be entirely different.  How old is she?  Let her be as happy as possible with the remaining time left to your Father.  Then, if necessary, you can have the conversation.

saajan_12

kodak1 said:

Hi all,

I’ve researched a little into things like IHT / capital gains / stamp duty implications, but I’m struggling to find any guidance on how much this would likely add up to – for instance if it ended up losing £10k in tax etc but we could make a bit back on it as an AirBnB then that would be a no-brainer, but if we ended up £100k out of pocket then that is a different scenario.  

Can help estimate that, just need
* rough value of the property they live in
* cost of the new property they might buy
* total size of father's and mother's assets / future estate

Though I'd warn its likely to be very expensive when you actually account for everything. If you invested the money (from the cash inheritance or from selling the current house) that would generate a return similar to your AirBnB money. So that's already accounted for not extra profit, but you have the added cost higher rate SDLT, CGT, running costs of two houses, etc. 

RAS

Your mum is already grieving the loss of her life with your dad, and has to face his death sometime. She does not need her children to dictating her life when she is already feeling out of control. And you do not have the right to make those decisions.

If you want to do anything, make sure dad has his will written, with advice from a STEP trained lawyer who can advise on the legal implications for his choices. 

And check out what facilities are available in their location. Taxis are part of the rural transport system, there may be dial a ride buses or shared taxis, or neighbours. 

Mum needs to address her housing situation when she is ready. At that point you may be able to help. Discuss what facilities she wants, what she doesn't want. In time help her with de-cluttering, or house hunting. Suggest she spends a week in a cottage the areas she's like to consider, unless she knows them well.

I'd add, you don't need to be in a remote rural situation to be isolated. A family member was actively encouraged to move many miles to a newly built bungalow near another member of the family, in a small town with good transport connections. 

She left behind decades of connections to find that she was expected to provide child care for a couple who worked shifts and away. There was no attempt to help her integrate, no family time with the family who'd encouraged her to move. She was very lonely and used to travel back to visit old friends as long as she could.

kodak1

Thanks all for the replies, all very helpful.  A few responses to the questions raised…

Just to clarify, this is definitely planning for the long-term, and moving is not something that will be happening anytime soon (we do not want to lose the family home any more than mum does).

The reason for researching this now is that we want dad to be as involved as possible in these discussions – his biggest concern is not for himself, but for mum’s wellbeing.  Discussing this now means that the financial structure can be put in place for such a move to happen in the future, at a time when mum feels ready to deal with it.

 RAS said:

Your mum is already grieving the loss of her life with your dad, and has to face his death sometime. She does not need her children to dictating her life when she is already feeling out of control. And you do not have the right to make those decisions.

As I mentioned there are elements that I don’t want to go into, but the situation means that mum is going to need guidance/help in making big decisions like this (dad is effectively her carer). It’s with great reluctance that we’re even considering this, so please don’t assume that this is the children trying ‘dictate her life’, we’re just trying to look for the best options that we can offer her.  Sadly we are being forced to make these decisions.  We don’t want to be in this situation either.  

whizzywoo said:

Have you actually spoken to your Mother concerning this?

Yes there have been some discussions, which is what has prompted this research so that can all sit down together to discuss possible options and settle on a plan that works best for mum.  Then in due course, later in the future, we'll continue those discussions.

Myci85 said:

Reading between the lines, is your mum wishing to stay in the family home, but you and your siblings are worried that this won't be suitable for her by herself? If so, and assuming there are no family members able to move in with her, could you work together to find a live in 'companion' for her if she doesn't need a carer as such?

Yes, that's right, and dad has raised the same concerns.  We're also looking into alternatives like live-in companion / sheltered / shared housing (which are more straightforward), but mum would prefer somewhere to call her own (even if technically it might be in our name).  We ultimately want to find something that will give mum maximum security and independence, and most importantly happiness, as possible.

 youth_leader said:

I'm 68 and when my husband died did have to leave my very large and isolated house for financial reasons. 

I am not happy  in this bungalow in a surburban side street, but my kids are pleased I am now able to go to a neighbour if need be.  Have you spoken to your Mum about downsizing?  After thirty years of homemaking this bungalow does feel like I'm in an Airbnb, it will never be 'home'.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, this is exactly the kind of thing we want to avoid.  If we do eventually go down the route of buying a place for mum it would be with her input, though I appreciate that any kind of downsize is difficult.

Thanks again for all the comments!

sheramber

Do your parents own the current family home?

if so, why would your mother not inherit it?

She can sell it and downsize/move to a more suitable property with your help, when she is ready.

That way there is no complication of  CGT  etc.

Does your father a will?

Do you have POA for your mother?

GDB2222

Tax:

If the present family home is worth millions, you should be getting paid-for professional advice.

If the present family is much more modest in value, you should avoid weird and wonderful complicated plans. Those are likely to create a tax liability. Bear in mind that there's no CGT on death, and family homes up to £1m are effectively free of IHT. (That's a gross oversimplification, but it gives you a flavour of the position.)

If dad passes money to you, and you buy mum a house, you'll have a CGT bill if it goes up in value. So, you've created a tax liability, where none existed. 

 

GDB2222

Feelings:

DW and I are in our seventies, still living in the family home that we brought five children up in. It's obviously far too big.  We've been here nearly 30 years. We did quite a lot of work when we moved in, but very little since, and the house is getting dilapidated. It's hard to heat, and hard to clean. We ought to downsize

BUT, especially as we've lived here almost 30 years, we're very attached to it. None of the smaller and cheaper homes are appealing. 

If one of us were ill, the very last thing we would want to do is think about moving as well. 

I understand that your dad wants to try to help, as long as he is still able, but maybe the best thing he can do is nothing.



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