Engagment and not living together?

silvercar

Alderbank said:

...and where would engagement fit in with civil partnership?

It wouldn’t. An engagement is a precursor to marriage, nothing to do with entering a civil partnership.

Savvy_Sue

DH wouldn't propose to me until we were living in the same town, rather than just seeing each other at weekends, because of only seeing best behaviour / the huge buzz of excitement when you see your beloved after NOT seeing them for several days. 

But we certainly didn't live together until we were married. I feel we did see each other at our worst times as well as our best - he was bed-bound for a few weeks at one point and not at ALL sociable, and I considered how I'd cope with that if it was a long-term or repeated occurrence. 

As I said to my d-i-l when she asked about who had to be invited to their weddings: you invite those you want to be there. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind. 

Skiddaw1

For what it is worth, I didn't move in with Mr S until we were engaged (we married a few months later). We spent lots of time together but I kept my seperate rented accommodation (I was a sitting tenant and certainly wasn't giving up on that until I knew he was proper serious!!  ). 

As has been said, it's whatever works for you. 

DullGreyGuy

Savvy_Sue said:

DH wouldn't propose to me until we were living in the same town, rather than just seeing each other at weekends, because of only seeing best behaviour / the huge buzz of excitement when you see your beloved after NOT seeing them for several days. 

But we certainly didn't live together until we were married. I feel we did see each other at our worst times as well as our best - he was bed-bound for a few weeks at one point and not at ALL sociable, and I considered how I'd cope with that if it was a long-term or repeated occurrence. 

Hopefully that worked out for you but living in the same town may still result in you just seeing each other at weekends depending on how your work schedules a line and other non-couple activities. Sure if you are seeing each other each evening as well as each weekend that gives you more exposure but still not really close to seeing them after they come home from the date and start solo drinking or with the hangover in the morning after. It's still easy to put a shine over the top of the reality with most of the time spent apart. 

Ultimately its for each couple to work out what works for them, personally wouldnt get engaged until I was sure I wanted to marry and wouldnt be able to be sure about marriage until I have a lot of experience of living with the person. I know personally dodged at least one bullet with someone who was great to spend time with but totally impossible to live with. 

Pollycat

Being engaged used to mean something years ago, I'm not sure it does anymore.

DullGreyGuy said:

Savvy_Sue said:

DH wouldn't propose to me until we were living in the same town, rather than just seeing each other at weekends, because of only seeing best behaviour / the huge buzz of excitement when you see your beloved after NOT seeing them for several days. 

But we certainly didn't live together until we were married. I feel we did see each other at our worst times as well as our best - he was bed-bound for a few weeks at one point and not at ALL sociable, and I considered how I'd cope with that if it was a long-term or repeated occurrence. 

Ultimately its for each couple to work out what works for them, personally wouldnt get engaged until I was sure I wanted to marry and wouldnt be able to be sure about marriage until I have a lot of experience of living with the person. I know personally dodged at least one bullet with someone who was great to spend time with but totally impossible to live with. 

I lived with my OH for over 3 years before we married.
6 months after we married, he got a job over 200 miles away (IT consultant) and was away during the week.
That lasted for a year and when he finished the contract, I found it incredibly difficult having him back in the house as I'd got into the routine of being on my own.

saajan_12

The "what people think" can go either way.. <why aren't they living together> could be replaced by <why are they dating 5 years and not engaged yet>. You'll never be able to optimise for that. 

The idea of living together to 'try it out' is valid, but if either of you stay over a lot then you may already know eachothers bad habits. Personally I'd balance that with what will change once you're engaged, eg if you'd be involved in eachothers families, holidays etc more, then I'd want to do that sooner than later at this stage. 

Cobbler_tone

silvercar said:

Alderbank said:

...and where would engagement fit in with civil partnership?

It wouldn’t. An engagement is a precursor to marriage, nothing to do with entering a civil partnership.

TBF the OP didn't mention a Civil Partnership, so maybe intending marriage. They seem to be referring to living together.

Having said that it is 2025. People can get engaged, get married, have a Civil Partnership, stay engaged, break off the engagement, be engaged to one person and marry another, probably marry their pet dog....etc with at least a 40% chance it will end in divorce if you do get married. 

Have a wonderful future! 

Sapindus

silvercar said:

Alderbank said:

...and where would engagement fit in with civil partnership?

It wouldn’t. An engagement is a precursor to marriage, nothing to do with entering a civil partnership.

I don't see why not.