Engagment and not living together?

Rye93_2

I was wondering if anyone had some experience and opnions on this.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We don't live together, she has her house and I have my flat. We don't live a big distance away from eachother, about half an hour via public transport. 

I know she would love to get engaged and I'm very open to it aswell, but would it be weird/strange if we don't live together? 

There will come a point in the next year or so when we will live together, but I'm worried if people/family/friends will think it's strange until then. 

I was hopeing for a little advice or opinions on this if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Many Thanks

FlorayG

It's not strange in the least. It wasn't long ago it was frowned upon if you DID live together before you were married. You just do your thing and don't worry about what people think.

Penguin_

Rye93_2 said:

I was wondering if anyone had some experience and opnions on this.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We don't live together, she has her house and I have my flat. We don't live a big distance away from eachother, about half an hour via public transport. 

I know she would love to get engaged and I'm very open to it aswell, but would it be weird/strange if we don't live together? 

There will come a point in the next year or so when we will live together, but I'm worried if people/family/friends will think it's strange until then. 

I was hopeing for a little advice or opinions on this if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Many Thanks

If they do then let them be. Nothing for you to worry about at all.

silvercar

Why are you worried what friends or family think? Do what’s right for you.

Voyager2002

I always thought that being engaged simply meant that you had agreed to get married in the future. Have you?

Incidentally, the British upper classes traditionally live in separate houses even after marriage. 

kimwp

I think it's worth living together before you get engaged so you know you get along in that situation, but I don't think it really matters and it definitely doesn't matter what anyone except you and you girlfriend think.

Alderbank

Talk to the old folks in your family!

Back in your parents' (or grandparents') day it was considered weird/strange if an engaged couple did live together. The social norm was very much that engaged couples did not live under the same roof until literally were married.

In Victorian times engagement was a formal thing. Engagement was announced in society papers and either party could be sued in the courts for 'breach of promise' if they broke off an engagement.

Engagement has no real legal meaning nowadays. It's really just a handy title to give your fiancée or fiancé and an occasion for jewellers to sell you a ring.

...and where would engagement fit in with civil partnership?

Pollycat

It's nothing to do with anyone else.
If it suits you, just do it.
Too many people worry about what other people think and say.

That's assuming your girlfriend is happy to continue with the existing living arrangements and doesn't expect you to move in together as soon as you get engaged.

DullGreyGuy

Rye93_2 said:

I know she would love to get engaged and I'm very open to it aswell, but would it be weird/strange if we don't live together? 

There will come a point in the next year or so when we will live together, but I'm worried if people/family/friends will think it's strange until then. 

I was hopeing for a little advice or opinions on this if anyone has been in a similar situation.

As others have said, it was traditional that you wouldnt live together until you were married but then engagement would typically have happened within 6 months of courting not 4 years. 

Personally I wouldnt get engaged until you've lived together for a while, because its very different to not living together and people you see in measured quantities are much easier to deal with than the person that hogs the bathroom every morning. Most my g/friends moved in within a few months, though didnt necessarily give up their own place until some time after so could have moved out without issue had things not worked out. 

Ultimately however this is about you and not me and whatever works for the two of you is what's important. 

A cousin and his husband have never moved in together and still live an hour from each other despite having been married for almost a decade and in a civil partnership before that. There are various reasons for it, they were older when they met up, having kids isnt something they want and they both like their own space and very different hobbies. 

Exodi

Appreciate the sentimental replies along the lines of 'don't pay attention to what anyone else thinks' but pragmatically, I think you should live together first.

You just don't know someone fully until you do, e.g. someone lives off of takeaways, only tidies the house the day before their birthday and Christmas, enjoys spending one hour taking a number 2 as they scroll on their phone in the only toilet, etc. and if you're worried about peoples opinions on getting engaged without living together, imagine announcing an engagement, moving in, realising you are not as compatible as you thought, then announcing a break up. Perhaps I'm biased (or you could say experienced?), but I had a relationship turn south in a matter of months after moving in as we realised how different we are.

Are you older by the way? Your username has 93 in it which could suggest you're early 30's but as someone of a similar age I can't imagine dating someone for almost 4 years and still not living together, especially with your own places and living relatively close? I mention the age because I understand that it might be more acceptable for much older couples. Just my view, others may not see a problem.

elsien

As long as you’re not one of those couples who are engaged forever. Engagement is a promise to marry. If you’re not planning to get married at any point then don’t get engaged, there is no point.