Entitlements

RAS

MandyMoo0712 said:

RAS said:

I'd advise that you find a good lawyer specialising in family law and unmarried couples. Bear in mind that enforcing anything after money leaves the UK is well nigh impossible

I think this is my only option as law is law and I don’t want to get into any unnecessary conflict. Things are relatively amicable at present 

Which why you may want to know what you can ask for and what would be a useless ask. Aim for what you hope for and hope keeping it amicable works.

Spendless

MandyMoo0712 said:

Brie said:

A part of your negotiations might include taking his pension(s) as well as any other savings and assets in to account as happens when married people divorce.  The net result may be that you get more than 50% of the house value (after deducting any outstanding mortgage)

Unfortunately I am not entitled to any of his pension or savings as there is no such thing as common-law relationships anymore. If that were the case I would not be worrying about money 🥹

Was there ever, maybe centuries ago, certainly not in modern day times to my knowledge just seems to be a phrase that the media used.

Unfortunately for you if youd been married or in a civil relationship then youd be looking at a fair division of all assets, as it is it seems to be just the house to be split. 

As to whether you could have more than 50% of the equity, well looking at this unfavourably to you, your son is an adult, its his choice to live at home for Uni (accepting that this might make the most financial sense for him to do). He could move out to student accommodation in subsequent years and a degree is  usually 3 years long after which he might move out (my eldest never returned to our home after Uni), so it might be negligible how much extra your ex agrees to increase your share of the split. On the other hand he might have a far more generous view especially if hes leaving for far better prospects, salary etc than he has here. 

To me its dependent on what your ex agrees but but IANAL so best to seek professional advice.

Spendless

MandyMoo0712 said:

Dad is paying for all university costs (lucky lad) so nothing to worry about there. No pre agreement when buying house other than both names on mortgage/ deeds
Don’t want anymore than I am entitled too, but don’t want to be taken for a fool either
I’ve never had any allowance for son including child benefit as partner earned over threshold, despite me not seeing any of it
thanks for all the advice
 

Just gone back through your posts and seen this. Can you define what 'all university costs' that Dad is paying for are? Do you mean just tuition or is he also allowing an amount for accommodation and living costs? If he is then I think your request to have greater than 50% to give your son somewhere to live as a student is more likely to be rejected.

If you want to get into the paying all Uni costs is potentially a flawed plan because many won't pay the full amount back and if son ends up with years where he's not earning enough to start repaying, or takes time out of the workforce due to whatever reason eg ill-health or only ever earns a small amount above the threshold then ex has possibly handed over the money when it didn't need to be. Many people say 'all that debt, or all that interest' without really understanding how student finance works. I'd suggest looking up some articles about this, think there's some on this site, make sure you (and your son) understands because maybe when you seek legal advice it might be a bargaining tool you can use, that it would be more beneficial that you're living in a 2 bed place so your son always has a home rather than Uni costs are paid. 

MandyMoo0712

Spendless said:

MandyMoo0712 said:

Dad is paying for all university costs (lucky lad) so nothing to worry about there. No pre agreement when buying house other than both names on mortgage/ deeds
Don’t want anymore than I am entitled too, but don’t want to be taken for a fool either
I’ve never had any allowance for son including child benefit as partner earned over threshold, despite me not seeing any of it
thanks for all the advice
 

Just gone back through your posts and seen this. Can you define what 'all university costs' that Dad is paying for are? Do you mean just tuition or is he also allowing an amount for accommodation and living costs? If he is then I think your request to have greater than 50% to give your son somewhere to live as a student is more likely to be rejected.

If you want to get into the paying all Uni costs is potentially a flawed plan because many won't pay the full amount back and if son ends up with years where he's not earning enough to start repaying, or takes time out of the workforce due to whatever reason eg ill-health or only ever earns a small amount above the threshold then ex has possibly handed over the money when it didn't need to be. Many people say 'all that debt, or all that interest' without really understanding how student finance works. I'd suggest looking up some articles about this, think there's some on this site, make sure you (and your son) understands because maybe when you seek legal advice it might be a bargaining tool you can use, that it would be more beneficial that you're living in a 2 bed place so your son always has a home rather than Uni costs are paid. 

So dad is paying all tuition fees, living costs and student accommodation, however son will need a home in the UK to come to during uni hols, weekends if he wants, etc. 
Unlike dad I am providing him a home to come to whenever he wants; this won’t be possibly with my ex as nipping home to Boston at the weekend is hardly practical. 

Also dad takes great delight in throwing money at everything part from me 😕

swingaloo

MandyMoo0712 said:

Spendless said:

MandyMoo0712 said:

Dad is paying for all university costs (lucky lad) so nothing to worry about there. No pre agreement when buying house other than both names on mortgage/ deeds
Don’t want anymore than I am entitled too, but don’t want to be taken for a fool either
I’ve never had any allowance for son including child benefit as partner earned over threshold, despite me not seeing any of it
thanks for all the advice
 

Just gone back through your posts and seen this. Can you define what 'all university costs' that Dad is paying for are? Do you mean just tuition or is he also allowing an amount for accommodation and living costs? If he is then I think your request to have greater than 50% to give your son somewhere to live as a student is more likely to be rejected.

If you want to get into the paying all Uni costs is potentially a flawed plan because many won't pay the full amount back and if son ends up with years where he's not earning enough to start repaying, or takes time out of the workforce due to whatever reason eg ill-health or only ever earns a small amount above the threshold then ex has possibly handed over the money when it didn't need to be. Many people say 'all that debt, or all that interest' without really understanding how student finance works. I'd suggest looking up some articles about this, think there's some on this site, make sure you (and your son) understands because maybe when you seek legal advice it might be a bargaining tool you can use, that it would be more beneficial that you're living in a 2 bed place so your son always has a home rather than Uni costs are paid. 

So dad is paying all tuition fees, living costs and student accommodation, however son will need a home in the UK to come to during uni hols, weekends if he wants, etc. 
Unlike dad I am providing him a home to come to whenever he wants; this won’t be possibly with my ex as nipping home to Boston at the weekend is hardly practical. 

Also dad takes great delight in throwing money at everything part from me 😕

To be fair it does look like dad is doing his best for his child. Unfortunately not being married puts you in a less favourable position. But if he is paying for your sons accommodation for the main part of the time it seems a bit odd to say 'unlike his dad I am providing a home for him to come to whenever he wants'. If you get a property then its shouldn't be a burden having your son home at holidays. Fair or not, dad doesnt have an obligation to pay all those expenses for his son so be grateful he is doing that.

Spendless

MandyMoo0712 said:

Spendless said:

MandyMoo0712 said:

Dad is paying for all university costs (lucky lad) so nothing to worry about there. No pre agreement when buying house other than both names on mortgage/ deeds
Don’t want anymore than I am entitled too, but don’t want to be taken for a fool either
I’ve never had any allowance for son including child benefit as partner earned over threshold, despite me not seeing any of it
thanks for all the advice
 

Just gone back through your posts and seen this. Can you define what 'all university costs' that Dad is paying for are? Do you mean just tuition or is he also allowing an amount for accommodation and living costs? If he is then I think your request to have greater than 50% to give your son somewhere to live as a student is more likely to be rejected.

If you want to get into the paying all Uni costs is potentially a flawed plan because many won't pay the full amount back and if son ends up with years where he's not earning enough to start repaying, or takes time out of the workforce due to whatever reason eg ill-health or only ever earns a small amount above the threshold then ex has possibly handed over the money when it didn't need to be. Many people say 'all that debt, or all that interest' without really understanding how student finance works. I'd suggest looking up some articles about this, think there's some on this site, make sure you (and your son) understands because maybe when you seek legal advice it might be a bargaining tool you can use, that it would be more beneficial that you're living in a 2 bed place so your son always has a home rather than Uni costs are paid. 

So dad is paying all tuition fees, living costs and student accommodation, however son will need a home in the UK to come to during uni hols, weekends if he wants, etc. 
Unlike dad I am providing him a home to come to whenever he wants; this won’t be possibly with my ex as nipping home to Boston at the weekend is hardly practical. 

Also dad takes great delight in throwing money at everything part from me 😕

Unfortunately for you I think this means it's even less likely that ex will agree to a larger share. Son doesn't have to come home to you . Other than the Unis halls of residence that tends to be occupied by first/foundation year students and have a shorter tenancy, private halls and houses tend to be able to be occupied 51/52 weeks of the year. I've known students go to Uni for the first time and be in all year round accommodation straight away for various reasons.

Doing an on the low side calculation ex is looking at spending a min of £60k almost £10k in tuition, £5k accommodation, £5k to live on per year  and I say on the low side cos £5k in student rent is what I was paying for my son's digs and he studied in a deprived part of the North and graduated a few years ago, my daughter's current accommodation is double that, though admittedly she's in London. Personally I find it nuts to pay that sort of money out unless son is heading towards a flying career where the likelihood is he'll pay all his loan plus interest back. If Dad has got a min of £20k spare  per year to pay all this then I suspect he could afford to give you a larger slice, whether he will is a different matter. I think your last sentence tells me he's not going to.
  
Are you saying that with your half you can only afford a 1 bed place or can you afford a 2 bed even if it's  smaller or in a different area?.   

sheramber

My son didn’t come home for many weekends. It was more fun spending the weekend with his Uni friends.

He didn’t come home for holidays. These were spent with his girlfriend. 

When he left Uni he  went to live his girlfriend in her house. 

The chances are he may want to spend his holidays visiting his 

Rather than declaring you need to provide a home for your son it would be better to say you would like to provide a home for him  and come to an amicable agreement. 

MandyMoo0712

Spendless said:

MandyMoo0712 said:

Spendless said:

MandyMoo0712 said:

Dad is paying for all university costs (lucky lad) so nothing to worry about there. No pre agreement when buying house other than both names on mortgage/ deeds
Don’t want anymore than I am entitled too, but don’t want to be taken for a fool either
I’ve never had any allowance for son including child benefit as partner earned over threshold, despite me not seeing any of it
thanks for all the advice
 

Just gone back through your posts and seen this. Can you define what 'all university costs' that Dad is paying for are? Do you mean just tuition or is he also allowing an amount for accommodation and living costs? If he is then I think your request to have greater than 50% to give your son somewhere to live as a student is more likely to be rejected.

If you want to get into the paying all Uni costs is potentially a flawed plan because many won't pay the full amount back and if son ends up with years where he's not earning enough to start repaying, or takes time out of the workforce due to whatever reason eg ill-health or only ever earns a small amount above the threshold then ex has possibly handed over the money when it didn't need to be. Many people say 'all that debt, or all that interest' without really understanding how student finance works. I'd suggest looking up some articles about this, think there's some on this site, make sure you (and your son) understands because maybe when you seek legal advice it might be a bargaining tool you can use, that it would be more beneficial that you're living in a 2 bed place so your son always has a home rather than Uni costs are paid. 

So dad is paying all tuition fees, living costs and student accommodation, however son will need a home in the UK to come to during uni hols, weekends if he wants, etc. 
Unlike dad I am providing him a home to come to whenever he wants; this won’t be possibly with my ex as nipping home to Boston at the weekend is hardly practical. 

Also dad takes great delight in throwing money at everything part from me 😕

Unfortunately for you I think this means it's even less likely that ex will agree to a larger share. Son doesn't have to come home to you . Other than the Unis halls of residence that tends to be occupied by first/foundation year students and have a shorter tenancy, private halls and houses tend to be able to be occupied 51/52 weeks of the year. I've known students go to Uni for the first time and be in all year round accommodation straight away for various reasons.

Doing an on the low side calculation ex is looking at spending a min of £60k almost £10k in tuition, £5k accommodation, £5k to live on per year  and I say on the low side cos £5k in student rent is what I was paying for my son's digs and he studied in a deprived part of the North and graduated a few years ago, my daughter's current accommodation is double that, though admittedly she's in London. Personally I find it nuts to pay that sort of money out unless son is heading towards a flying career where the likelihood is he'll pay all his loan plus interest back. If Dad has got a min of £20k spare  per year to pay all this then I suspect he could afford to give you a larger slice, whether he will is a different matter. I think your last sentence tells me he's not going to.
  
Are you saying that with your half you can only afford a 1 bed place or can you afford a 2 bed even if it's  smaller or in a different area?.   

With my half (if we achieve the asking price) I can afford (just) a 2 bed, but is a much different area. It will be much smaller than we’re in now, but I don’t mind that. Shortfall will only be £10k-£20k max. And I know for sure dad has 

MattMattMattUK

Do you work? What kind of income do you have and what age are you, you should have mortgage options as well.

You seem to be dismissing what your partner is doing for his son, they are both in a very fortunate position that he is able to do that and as he can afford it I would say it is the right thing to do, but the way you are writing your posts you seem to be dismissing it as almost insignificant. 

Your son is unlikely to come home at weekends, he will be out with uni friends, a girlfriend etc., that is what happens when children go off to uni. If he is in halls then he will have to come home in the summer, but students are usually allowed to stay in accommodation most of the rest of holidays if they want. If he rents privately then he can stay all year round if he wants to.

MandyMoo0712

MattMattMattUK said:

Do you work? What kind of income do you have and what age are you, you should have mortgage options as well.

You seem to be dismissing what your partner is doing for his son, they are both in a very fortunate position that he is able to do that and as he can afford it I would say it is the right thing to do, but the way you are writing your posts you seem to be dismissing it as almost insignificant. 

Your son is unlikely to come home at weekends, he will be out with uni friends, a girlfriend etc., that is what happens when children go off to uni. If he is in halls then he will have to come home in the summer, but students are usually allowed to stay in accommodation most of the rest of holidays if they want. If he rents privately then he can stay all year round if he wants to.

Yes I do work, for the NHS on a salary that does not achieve £30k  I am the wrong side of 50 to be starting again with a mortgage 
I am certainly not dismissing anything by ex does for my son, which he has done ever since we had him. He is a good dad and I’m not on here to berate him only to find out my Entitlements
i guess it’s very easy to assume what my son will do, as you don’t know him. 

I know he will make many new friends but I know he will stay loyal to the friends he has now at home, therefore wanting to return  home to see them. 

And I know he will want to spend the summer hols with his dad in Boston, why wouldn’t he, it’s a new adventure 
Please don’t assume anything about me when you don’t know me. Thanks