Conflicting views around online dating

Exodi

tghe-retford said:

Exodi said:

I would accept that if you are average or below average on looks as a young male, you are likely to have a bad time.

Interesting and thought provoking post. What I have noted is that a lot of the "red pill rhetoric" is based behind the findings of evolutionary psychology. Concepts such as hypergamy (a.k.a. "women's experience dating up in turns of looks"), also known as the mating gap and assortative mating (where people match with a similar person) have come from that discipline.

The reason why I focused the quote on that last line is because these are the people who get forgotten. We base how we see things on the grounds of the winners - survivorship bias. But there are from commentary online, increasing numbers of people for whom are getting burnt out by dating and are quitting. Which went against the experience of what my work colleague was experiencing. I'd thought I would ask here as I'd avoid two typical sound-bytes that you get on the subject - either those jaded with dating and telling others not to engage in it or those who engage in never-ending positivity of finding a soul-mate when you least expect it.

I think irrespective of peoples experiences and views, online dating will only get more prevalent while social interaction reduces among younger people in this digital age. I expect many young people, particularly men, will take the view "I know it's crooked, but it's the only game in town".

I was actually thinking about this when I was single several years ago. Not only is approaching a woman at the gym not socially acceptable any more - it's stigmatized. In-person opportunities are extremely rare and reducing as everyone becomes increasingly introverted.

Unfortunately many take a romantic, movie-style take on the topic that love will find them, and that Mr/Mrs Right will just one day come knocking at their door. Pragmatically we know this will likely never happen, and those not seeking companionship are likely destined for a life of solitude.

chubsta said:

Unfortunately, I don't see many alternatives out there either - people don't socialise in the way they used to, where it was easy to meet new friends via old friends, and as others have said approaching someone at work in even the most respectful way can be a career-ender: one girl said to me that the difference between a 'creep' and a 'hottie' at work is usually their level in the management chain.

I agree with much of your post, but the common trope of whether something is acceptable (or creepy) or not is whether the person is good looking. I've attached the classic comic that comes to mind.

In a similar vane, the Tinder subreddit plays on this by stating the two rules of online dating are as follows:

1. Be attractive.
2. Don't be unattractive.

There has been countless experiments to show the attractiveness of a person plays an overwhelming role in interactions (despite people thinking that the right punchline or combination of word is what's important to land a date... it's not).

tghe-retford's point, I suspect the differences in opinions will driven by differences of experience, and these differences of experience are driven by differences in appearance.

Looks are all that matter now (apparently).