Sons belongings

mommygoose

Uriziel said:

I would go to the police and ask them what they think you should do with his belongings as he is not willing to pick them up. At the very least if your son tries to get back at you in the future you can say that you have exhausted all your options and even asked the police.

I have tried ringing the police for advice and they put the phone down on me. I guess they saw the call as a waste of police time l. 

mommygoose

sheramber said:

OP do you have legal cover on your house insurance?

If so, give them a call.

If not I would be tempted to get a half hour free advice from a solicitor and possibly a lawyer’s letter sent to son about his belongings. 

He may pay more attention to a lawyer’s letter.   

I am getting free legal advice on the 15th April. Another solicitor wanted £1000 down payment, £325 an hour, £70 for a letter plus they said it would take 2-3 hours to write and £15 to prove my identity.

silvercar

mommygoose said:

sheramber said:

OP do you have legal cover on your house insurance?

If so, give them a call.

If not I would be tempted to get a half hour free advice from a solicitor and possibly a lawyer’s letter sent to son about his belongings. 

He may pay more attention to a lawyer’s letter.   

I am getting free legal advice on the 15th April. Another solicitor wanted £1000 down payment, £325 an hour, £70 for a letter plus they said it would take 2-3 hours to write and £15 to prove my identity.

A man and a van to deliver his stuff will be cheaper than that!

Uriziel

user1977 said:

Uriziel said:

I would go to the police and ask them what they think you should do with his belongings as he is not willing to pick them up. At the very least if your son tries to get back at you in the future you can say that you have exhausted all your options and even asked the police.

Eh? Where do the police come into it? Nobody here is suggesting there's a crime involved, or likely to be.

She has clearly said that he caused damage to her home.

WIAWSNB

We don't know what's going on behind all this, MommyGoose, and actually don't need to. We can only accept what it is we are being told, and advise based on this. Advice is self-regulating in any case*.

It all sounds very unfortunate, and also seems to have been going on for quite a while. Your estrangement might resolve itself given time, and we can only hope - as I'm sure you do - that it does. 

You have told us that having your son under your roof is untenable, and - as a result - you've had to evict him. The fortunate fellow has somewhere else where he can stay; the Grandparents have made the decision to allow him to move in with them, and that call is for them only to make. It is good of them, but there is no obligation on them to do this - your son is old enough to sort out his own life.

Meanwhile, he has left rooms-full of his belongings, and you reasonably wish to get rid of this in order to reclaim your space. In addition, you tell us that your son has the financial means to pay for professional storage - so 'no excuse' there.

Ok. There are two ways to get rid of his belongings (three - but the noxious cloud would provoke a backlash). One is the 'proper' way, but comes with many negatives. The other is a fait accompli, and one that is much harder for anyone to argue against.

1) You follow Saajan's sage advice. You sell your son's belongings, make a deduction for 'reasonable' time and expenses, and hand the balance over to your son. In practice, how will this work out for you?

How much of your time will it take up? Are you going to go through every item of his clothing and belongings? How will you sell these items, and how will you know if the asking price is 'reasonable'? How many potential buyers will you have to field to get each 'sale'? Once it's all done, how much will you deduct for your time? 

And - most importantly - how will your son respond to the loss of the bulk of his belongings, and an - almost certainly - paltry cheque? Ie, will it enhance your relationship, and the potential for a future reconciliation? I'd suggest - no, it won't. Your son will feel (faux) aggrieved and wrong-done by, and likely be loud about this - 'oh, the unfairness'. He will moan about you not only throwing him out, but for selling his belongings at a fraction of their 'true' value, and even about you keeping a slice of the takings. Moan, aggrieved, moan, agg...

I honestly cannot see that 'correct' option working out well - unless you really really don't care, and never want to see him again. Or,

2) you give him notice, and them have everything delivered to his new doorstep in one fell swoop. Simple Q - what can he possibly say, or argue against, there? He has his 'stuff'. He cannot 'blame' you for giving him his stuff without looking a fool. Even his mates down t'pub - would they sympathise with him? No - they'd laugh their socks off. This 'solution' is also far less likely to antagonise the overall situation. If he doesn't want his goods, then he can get rid, and not you. The decision is 100% his to make.

* If what is told on here is abject nonsense, then the answers will almost certainly not assist the poster.

FlorayG

Just a thought I don't know if this is a possible solution because I've never had one so don't know how it works, so do check my thinking before you take up my idea;
rent a small storage unit in his name and put all his stuff in it. Pay one month's storage. Give your son all the details of the unit and walk away - do not pay any further charges. I don't know what storage units do with items not paid for but it would then be HIS responsibility to maintain the payments or remove his stuff
Can anyone else advise on the practicality of this and would it cause the OP any problems?

FlorayG

silvercar said:

WIAWSNB said:

Section62 said:

The risk is leaving the goods outside the front door and insecure means that items may be stolen or damaged between the time they are left and the time the son comes home (assuming he isn't at home at the time).

Which means making an arrangement to drop them off when the son is there, which he may refuse to do, and in any event risks a doorstep confrontation that probably won't be helpful to anyone.

I also tend to agree with others that dumping this on the grandparents - even if unintentional - isn't really fair on them, and risks alienating them when the OP might (in future) need them to act as a go-between.

The advice from others is better.  Give him notice to collect, keep until that date, sell or dispose if not collected.

What do you recommend that MGoose should do here?

Keep his belongings in a safe place for when lines of communication improve. Then work on improving communication with the grandparents or directly with the son.

I imagine that something awful has happened for OP to take this action, but OP is a proper adult with a grown up son, work on repairing the relationship.

People always assume it's a breakdown in relationships and both parties have to make an effort to resolve it. It seems that if a person has a decent child/parent themselves they can't understand that some people are just horrible people and the fact that you are related to them doesn't mean you have to interact with them. One of my friends has a horrible overbearing, selfish and lying mother and it took my friend years to finally make a total break with that toxic person and now she's much happier and wished she had never listened to people who told her "That's your mother, you need to repair your relationship with your mother"
OP, if you've had enough of him, don't let other people tell you what to do about him

silvercar

FlorayG said:

Just a thought I don't know if this is a possible solution because I've never had one so don't know how it works, so do check my thinking before you take up my idea;
rent a small storage unit in his name and put all his stuff in it. Pay one month's storage. Give your son all the details of the unit and walk away - do not pay any further charges. I don't know what storage units do with items not paid for but it would then be HIS responsibility to maintain the payments or remove his stuff
Can anyone else advise on the practicality of this and would it cause the OP any problems?

If you are going to pack up the belongings and deliver them somewhere, you may as well deliver to his new address. Why involve paying a storage unit?

Section62

FlorayG said:

Just a thought I don't know if this is a possible solution because I've never had one so don't know how it works, so do check my thinking before you take up my idea;
rent a small storage unit in his name and put all his stuff in it. Pay one month's storage. Give your son all the details of the unit and walk away - do not pay any further charges. I don't know what storage units do with items not paid for but it would then be HIS responsibility to maintain the payments or remove his stuff
Can anyone else advise on the practicality of this and would it cause the OP any problems?

Fraud - by the OP - is likely to be the problem with that, unless the son has agreed beforehand.

FlorayG

silvercar said:

FlorayG said:

Just a thought I don't know if this is a possible solution because I've never had one so don't know how it works, so do check my thinking before you take up my idea;
rent a small storage unit in his name and put all his stuff in it. Pay one month's storage. Give your son all the details of the unit and walk away - do not pay any further charges. I don't know what storage units do with items not paid for but it would then be HIS responsibility to maintain the payments or remove his stuff
Can anyone else advise on the practicality of this and would it cause the OP any problems?

If you are going to pack up the belongings and deliver them somewhere, you may as well deliver to his new address. Why involve paying a storage unit?

Because then they have been left in a safe place and not dumped if he won't accept delivery at his new address