Sons belongings

WIAWSNB

Section62 said:

The risk is leaving the goods outside the front door and insecure means that items may be stolen or damaged between the time they are left and the time the son comes home (assuming he isn't at home at the time).

Which means making an arrangement to drop them off when the son is there, which he may refuse to do, and in any event risks a doorstep confrontation that probably won't be helpful to anyone.

I also tend to agree with others that dumping this on the grandparents - even if unintentional - isn't really fair on them, and risks alienating them when the OP might (in future) need them to act as a go-between.

The advice from others is better.  Give him notice to collect, keep until that date, sell or dispose if not collected.

Indeed, so I will add a few caveats below. 

Also, it could be the nuclear option in M'goose's relationship with the Grandparents - how important is this to you, MG? It shouldn't be, tho', as the son will now be forced to take responsibility for his own possessions, and if that is to impose on his GP's as he has done on his mum, then that's his call, and his call only.

Caveats: If the Gp's house doesn't have a driveway, for example, then I wouldn't suggest leaving anything on the pavement, for example. The Gp's should be told at the time what is happening, and the son should be called as soon as the items are left.

As with any system of 'disposal', the son will be given a date by which they collect, 'or else the goods will be disposed of'/'returned to you'. The later is far less open to future challenge.

It's MGoose's call - if she would find it easy to 'dispose' - sell - these goods, then great. But, wow, what a chore. Is she really expected to field buyers coming to her house to examine the gym equipment? Does she go through all the clothes in order to check their individual value? Does she sell clothes individually, or as a job lot?

If this son is remotely set on being vindictive, then Saajan's warning above should be sobering. "MUM! Where's my Versace shirt?! How much did you get for it!!!" The son shouldn't have a legal leg to stand on, but that is moot if he is petty and self-centred; he likely will make a show of how wrong-done he has been. The mum will be painted as the villain.

Far less chance of that sort of argument if the goods are 'returned' to him. It is a quick fait accompli. It's his responsibility again, as it should be. No-one could challenge it - the police would certainly not.

What do you recommend that MGoose should do here?

silvercar

WIAWSNB said:

Section62 said:

The risk is leaving the goods outside the front door and insecure means that items may be stolen or damaged between the time they are left and the time the son comes home (assuming he isn't at home at the time).

Which means making an arrangement to drop them off when the son is there, which he may refuse to do, and in any event risks a doorstep confrontation that probably won't be helpful to anyone.

I also tend to agree with others that dumping this on the grandparents - even if unintentional - isn't really fair on them, and risks alienating them when the OP might (in future) need them to act as a go-between.

The advice from others is better.  Give him notice to collect, keep until that date, sell or dispose if not collected.

What do you recommend that MGoose should do here?

Keep his belongings in a safe place for when lines of communication improve. Then work on improving communication with the grandparents or directly with the son.

I imagine that something awful has happened for OP to take this action, but OP is a proper adult with a grown up son, work on repairing the relationship.

Section62

WIAWSNB said:

Section62 said:

The risk is leaving the goods outside the front door and insecure means that items may be stolen or damaged between the time they are left and the time the son comes home (assuming he isn't at home at the time).

Which means making an arrangement to drop them off when the son is there, which he may refuse to do, and in any event risks a doorstep confrontation that probably won't be helpful to anyone.

I also tend to agree with others that dumping this on the grandparents - even if unintentional - isn't really fair on them, and risks alienating them when the OP might (in future) need them to act as a go-between.

The advice from others is better.  Give him notice to collect, keep until that date, sell or dispose if not collected.

Indeed, so I will add a few caveats below. 

Also, it could be the nuclear option in M'goose's relationship with the Grandparents - how important is this to you, MG? It shouldn't be, tho', as the son will now be forced to take responsibility for his own possessions, and if that is to impose on his GP's as he has done on his mum, then that's his call, and his call only.

Caveats: If the Gp's house doesn't have a driveway, for example, then I wouldn't suggest leaving anything on the pavement, for example. The Gp's should be told at the time what is happening, and the son should be called as soon as the items are left.

As with any system of 'disposal', the son will be given a date by which they collect, 'or else the goods will be disposed of'/'returned to you'. The later is far less open to future challenge.

It's MGoose's call - if she would find it easy to 'dispose' - sell - these goods, then great. But, wow, what a chore. Is she really expected to field buyers coming to her house to examine the gym equipment? Does she go through all the clothes in order to check their individual value? Does she sell clothes individually, or as a job lot?

If this son is remotely set on being vindictive, then Saajan's warning above should be sobering. "MUM! Where's my Versace shirt?! How much did you get for it!!!" The son shouldn't have a legal leg to stand on, but that is moot if he is petty and self-centred; he likely will make a show of how wrong-done he has been. The mum will be painted as the villain.

Far less chance of that sort of argument if the goods are 'returned' to him. It is a quick fait accompli. It's his responsibility again, as it should be. No-one could challenge it - the police would certainly not.

What do you recommend that MGoose should do here?

BiB1 - why would the son collect then?  The OP has promised to deliver the items to him.  When the items aren't then returned the son will have a reasonable claim that the OP promised to do so.

There is a straightforward solution here.  There is no need for any freestyle alternatives. Keep it simple.

BiB3 - As I said in my previous post... follow the advice of others who know what they are talking about, for example saajan_12.  Note in particular their comment about "deducting reasonable costs to sell (your effort, sale fees, etc)" which addresses BiB2.

mommygoose

silvercar said:

Are you on speaking terms with the grandparents? If your relationship with your son has broken down, then maybe you could speak to the grandparents.

It seems very sad that your relationship with your own child has come to this, so maybe keeping a line of communication with his grandparents would be worthwhile.

My son unfortunately is horrible to me hence why he can't live here. His grandparents apparently are not happy with me because I threw him out. I did give him two months notice beforehand. 

mommygoose

silvercar said:

Do you desperately need the space? Presumably you had room for him before you evicted him, now you only have his belongings. Do you need to use the space for something else?

My adult children have left home, yet I still have some of their stuff in their old bedrooms.

Yes I do need the space. He was living elsewhere before but came back so I had to move stuff out of a room and into my bedroom. I can't get into my bedroom now and have to sleep on the sofa. This is not good for me because I have arthritis, myelitis and fibromyalgia. 

silvercar

mommygoose said:

silvercar said:

Do you desperately need the space? Presumably you had room for him before you evicted him, now you only have his belongings. Do you need to use the space for something else?

My adult children have left home, yet I still have some of their stuff in their old bedrooms.

Yes I do need the space. He was living elsewhere before but came back so I had to move stuff out of a room and into my bedroom. I can't get into my bedroom now and have to sleep on the sofa. This is not good for me because I have arthritis, myelitis and fibromyalgia. 

Fair enough. In that case the son (when he is being rational) and the grandparents should understand. Follow what others have suggested, though delivering to them ensures the stuff is gone and to a safe place. Job done.

Uriziel

I would go to the police and ask them what they think you should do with his belongings as he is not willing to pick them up. At the very least if your son tries to get back at you in the future you can say that you have exhausted all your options and even asked the police.

user1977

Uriziel said:

I would go to the police and ask them what they think you should do with his belongings as he is not willing to pick them up. At the very least if your son tries to get back at you in the future you can say that you have exhausted all your options and even asked the police.

Eh? Where do the police come into it? Nobody here is suggesting there's a crime involved, or likely to be.

sheramber

OP do you have legal cover on your house insurance?

If so, give them a call.

If not I would be tempted to get a half hour free advice from a solicitor and possibly a lawyer’s letter sent to son about his belongings. 

He may pay more attention to a lawyer’s letter.   

mommygoose

silvercar said:

WIAWSNB said:

Section62 said:

The risk is leaving the goods outside the front door and insecure means that items may be stolen or damaged between the time they are left and the time the son comes home (assuming he isn't at home at the time).

Which means making an arrangement to drop them off when the son is there, which he may refuse to do, and in any event risks a doorstep confrontation that probably won't be helpful to anyone.

I also tend to agree with others that dumping this on the grandparents - even if unintentional - isn't really fair on them, and risks alienating them when the OP might (in future) need them to act as a go-between.

The advice from others is better.  Give him notice to collect, keep until that date, sell or dispose if not collected.

What do you recommend that MGoose should do here?

Keep his belongings in a safe place for when lines of communication improve. Then work on improving communication with the grandparents or directly with the son.

I imagine that something awful has happened for OP to take this action, but OP is a proper adult with a grown up son, work on repairing the relationship.

I have been trying to fix our relationship for years. I am not well and cannot cope with the stress that he gives me. He is verbally abusive and mentally also.