Lack of family and fear of being alone

Mands

Worried_and_alone said:

bouicca21 said:

Making new friends in later life is something you have to work at.  But from OP’s post it seems that they do have a social circle so I find myself wondering if feeling alone is a symptom of depression rather than actual loneliness.

Thank you, you could well be right. Although if I am depressed, I think it is something I have brought on myself by worrying about the future - especially the thought of finding myself entirely alone in old age. I find that to be a very scary and depressing thought, and maybe it feeds back into making me feel alone now, even though I am not. I think a lot about my final moments of life, about being alone and then having nobody to attend my funeral. It feels like my life has no meaning, even though I do currently have connections and I know I do at least make a positive contribution to the people who enjoy spending time with me. 

Ok, this ^^ is not normal thinking.

Your fears do not tally with your reality and you are making yourself unwell. You need to talk this through with a professional. Please make an appointment with your GP and tell him what you have told us. 

Savvy_Sue

Worried_and_alone said:

bouicca21 said:

Making new friends in later life is something you have to work at.  But from OP’s post it seems that they do have a social circle so I find myself wondering if feeling alone is a symptom of depression rather than actual loneliness.

Thank you, you could well be right. Although if I am depressed, I think it is something I have brought on myself by worrying about the future - especially the thought of finding myself entirely alone in old age. I find that to be a very scary and depressing though, and maybe it feeds back into making me feel alone now, even though I am not. I think a lot about my final moments of life, about being alone and then having nobody to attend my funeral. It feels like my life has no meaning, even though I do currently have connections and I know I do at least make a positive contribution to the people who enjoy spending time with me. 

I don't believe you can either bring depression on yourself with your thinking pattern, nor keep it at bay with a different thinking pattern. So this is Not Your Fault. Depression strikes where it strikes: being surrounded by loving friends and family and in excellent health won't stop it, and nor does being lonely and sick mean you WILL be depressed. 

newroadahead

We all go through changes as we get older.
I remember my Ddad used to say you can count the number of true friends on one hand and as I get older I think this is true.
My Dh and I moved to a new county 18 months ago and I found it difficult to make new friends but we did. My DH is more outgoing and has joined more clubs than me but we still have made friends.

A few hours ago I had a message to say the DH of one of our new friends has passed away. I was so glad to have known him even for a short time. He was great fun and made us both so welcome when we moved to the village.

As someone who had very bad depression  a decade ago I agree with Sue depression strikes when it strikes and it would be a good idea to get some professional help.

Take care

NRA x

KxMx

I'm in my late 30's and so very very lonely. 

Half my family live abroad, my family in the UK shrinks as time goes on, with deaths outstripping births two to one. 
I have a mother who is increasingly unwell, (I thought I had 20/30 years before dealing with such a situation, I'm her main source of support with no one behind me) , two aunts, two cousins older than me, a brother who has chosen to cut himself off from everyone, and two second cousins younger than me. 
No real prospect of any more births.

I'm single and been that way my whole life apart from one relationship which lasted less than 5 months and wasn't really a proper relationship.
Without putting myself down, I have struggled my whole life with lack of male attention (perhaps my hormones are backwards and repel them rather than attract haha).
I won't be having children because I'm too unwell. 

I have a few wonderful friends (who I'm very much leaning on currently to help me through a hard situation) whom I am very grateful for.

I constantly look out for local events, new social groups etc and participate in several on a regular basis. Going to exercise class 1-2 times a week has seen several friendships develop. I volunteer. I travel round for nights away for various events. 
I try everything on an all too regular basis, with little improvement. 

I've made peace with several negatives in my life, but cannot accept others- and why should I? I deserve better. I deserve a full life with things others have and take for granted. 

Despite my efforts I spend most of my time alone, it sucks, I regularly have to endure weeks even months with no intimacy, I'm a very sociable person, I have so much to offer a partner, and I can't quite understand how my life has turned out this way.
I grew up in a normal nuclear family of 4, with anticipation of all the normal things in life for my future, never dreamed I would end up in this position. 
There are tears sometimes which I think is understandable. There are sleepless nights too occasionally which again I think is understandable. 

I was briefly scared of dying alone, but  realised I'm not scared of that, I'm scared of having to endure continuing to spend all my life alone and so very lonely, often to the depths of my soul. The funeral thing crossed my mind, which is why I think direct cremations are wonderful!!! 

I wish I had answers, but know there are people like me who understand how you feel.