Silly Goose Indeed...

SillySillyGoose

I am very nervous about posting online, but opening up to my family in the last few days has made me realise talking about it actually helps. I am notorious for bottling up my problems and not talking about them and it doesn't end well so here goes. 

I think I've made almost every bad mistake you could ever imagine, I also think from speaking with others at work who are diagnosed with it and recognising a lot of the behaviours that I may have ADHD or similar, that's a whole other journey I'll have to explore. 

32 years old, live alone, actually make good money but there seems to be a never ending cycle of bad decisions which mean I never have money in my account to reflect that. 

Debt currently in payment plans with the creditors - approx £8.6k. Down from just under £10k in September 2024. 

I also have a horrific rate car finance deal which I had to take as a last resort when my old car died (not even a penny in savings) and left me unable to get to work which I had to take unpaid leave for. 

Lots of scary but necessary conversations in the last few days with my gas company (approx £400 arrears with them) estate agent (not able to cover my rent this month for reasons I'll explain below) won't be in the position to make 2 rent payments out of next months wage so have reached out to see if I can pay an extra 50% on top of the next two months payments which I can just about afford. Scared that I'll need to find somewhere new to live in July because of this and obviously my landlord reference will reflect the payment problem. Car insurance and phone company payments also spread out to catch up on arrears from this month. Water bill DD going up by over £30 a month apparently so have asked them to come and do an actual reading not an estimated one as my estimated usage is similar to that of households with 2-3 people in, it's just me and I'm at work more often than I'm at home. 

The straw that broke the camels back so to speak has been gambling - lucky over the last few months to make back what I had lost but it's all fallen apart this month where I gambled most of my wages and effectively have no money left. A blessing in disguise in a way I suppose as I've now banned myself from all gambling websites so that it won't happen again, I'm just picking up the pieces for the next couple of months then with overtime/payrise/some outgoings reducing I should be in a more solid position. 

I also plan to try and get some kind of counselling as I think most of my adult life has been a spinning wheel of different self-sabotaging behaviours and mess ups and I've just had enough of the constant anxiety and disappointment in myself now. 

That was a very long intro, but it's helpful for me now to get it all out. 
I do have a rough plan set out for the next 6 months or so that all being well will allow me to build up a small amount of savings and make debt overpayments but I need to learn not too plan too far ahead and just budget with what I know I've got. 

Blackcats

Welcome!  Well done for opening up to your family and starting a diary here.
It's such a friendly and supportive place and everyone is helpful and non-judgemental.
I know others will pop by and give you some great hints and tips.

hereagain22

Good luck! I hope you can get some help with the issues you have mentioned  

MayDogsandCoffee

Does your employer have any 'employee assistance' schemes?  Can you have an emergency loan?  You will get more help come along, but is it possible to not pay in some areas to ensure your rent is covered?  Or as much of your rent as you can manage?  Have a long think about what is essential in the next couple of months to make sure you can pay rent - even if it is Aldi beans on toast every meal every day.  You will get through this.

SillySillyGoose

Blackcats said:

Welcome!  Well done for opening up to your family and starting a diary here.
It's such a friendly and supportive place and everyone is helpful and non-judgemental.
I know others will pop by and give you some great hints and tips.

Thank you

hereagain22 said:

Good luck! I hope you can get some help with the issues you have mentioned  

Thank you - baby steps!

MayDogsandCoffee said:

Does your employer have any 'employee assistance' schemes?  Can you have an emergency loan?  You will get more help come along, but is it possible to not pay in some areas to ensure your rent is covered?  Or as much of your rent as you can manage?  Have a long think about what is essential in the next couple of months to make sure you can pay rent - even if it is Aldi beans on toast every meal every day.  You will get through this.

I work in an industry where you just can't really get into too much financial difficulty, they know about my payment arrangements for my debts and I have an annual review for that in September I believe so I've never seen anything like that offered, it also means I have to keep up with my debt repayments as they ask for creditor statements on the reviews.  I have requested to join a credit union to save even just £10 directly from my wages not sure what other services they offer. I did just get a reply from my estate agent though confirming I can pay Aprils rent + 50% and do the same in May so it'll all be caught up by mid-May. I just don't have the room even with trying to cut things out to pay everything in April. If I magically come into any money before then, then I'll pay it off sooner but I have an agreement in place at least. 

MayDogsandCoffee

How are you doing today, I think reaching out would be exhausting but a big relief, have a look at the old style money saving pages too, they can take being frugal to the next level might get some tips on how to reduce costs / bring some cash in.  Do you have enough headspace and energy to pick up some casual bar / cafe / shop work for a while?

SillySillyGoose

MayDogsandCoffee said:

How are you doing today, I think reaching out would be exhausting but a big relief, have a look at the old style money saving pages too, they can take being frugal to the next level might get some tips on how to reduce costs / bring some cash in.  Do you have enough headspace and energy to pick up some casual bar / cafe / shop work for a while?

Thank you for checking in - you are right it's a relief a bit overwhelming I was a bit scared to log back on to be honest but I am here the issue with a second job is I do different rotating shifts every week including nights but if it gets to the point I absolutely need to, I will. I've signed up to Prolific and User Testing from reading some bits on here as I'll be able to do those before/after work and on days off to start with. 

I have finally been able to catch up on a couple of weeks worth of washing and washing up after work now that I feel like I can breathe a bit - my house is definitely a reflection of my headspace! 

Blackcats

Hello!
that's a good response from the estate agent.  It's often better to be upfront about issues and usually folk are supportive - although most of us often default to hiding an issue and hoping it will fix itself.  I know I've tried the ignore it and it might go away approach myself and, of course, it never does.
seems that April and May will be tight money wise for you.  @MayDogsandCoffee is right there are lots of great ideas and inspiration on the Old Style boards.  Meal planning and prep, taking lunch, snacks and coffee to work will certainly help trim your grocery spends.  There are some great inexpensive recipe ideas at the beginning of each month's grocery challenge thread on the old style boards.

glad you've been able to catch up on some washing and washing up.  It definitely helps when our homes feel calm and organised.

SillySillyGoose

I have been having a good read through the recipe/meal threads on the Old Style Boards and have a fair few saved to try already

Halfway through this set of shifts, then I've got some overtime on some of my days off. Currently have £24 pending on Prolific as I've spent my time before and after work keeping an eye out for studies so off to a good start

SillySillyGoose

Good start to the morning, water company had actually come out a few days before I asked and read my meter so my updated bill is now on the account and my DD is now over £30 lower than the bumped up one, and a few pounds cheaper than what I was paying before now so it wouldn't have made a difference that I asked I think but I am still glad that I did it and made sure it was sorted. 

I need to pop to Aldi and just get a few bits to make some meals up until payday, I have a strict shopping list and know how much it should come to I don't plan to come out with anything that is not on the list! Then need to have lunch and make pasta bake for work this evening. Before I do a full week's shop at the weekend I'll sit down and work out a complete meal plan with cheap as possible meals I'm thinking of it as a challenge to keep my grocery spend as low as possible whilst still being properly fed  

Blackcats

That's great news on the water bill.  It's empowering isn't it when we start to take back some control on our own terms.
well done on the meal planning and shopping too.  Eating well but inexpensively is possible and is a shift in behaviour that took me a while to grasp but has made such a difference to our food spends.  It's a good idea to include a few little treats too otherwise it becomes too much of a drudge and the temptation of the corner shop or a takeaway creeps in.