Money Moral Dilemma: Should we leave more to our younger children in our wills?

silvercar · 19 March at 11:44AM

During your lifetime it is easier to treat as you see fit, because you are able to justify your actions. Once you are no longer around, it is impossible to justify decisions you made, that may well turn out to be wrong in hindsight.

eg we paid for both our children’s driving lessons and tests, irrespective of how long it took them to learn. Now for our elder child though the lessons were cheaper, we realised at one point that without a car to practice on, he was never going to pass. For our younger child the lessons were more expensive due to inflation. Had we not funded these then equal money wouldn’t have covered everything for one child and been more than enough for the other. Retrospectively, someone may say that learning to drive is something young adults should do for themselves, but being around at the time gives us the influence and the funds to make these things happen as we saw fit. No one in retrospect is going to argue with what we did, but when viewed from past the grave, I imagine everyone wants to be thought well of, so you don’t want to do something that causes friction.

When parents are long gone, surely they want their offspring to support each other, so removing any friction a will may cause seems a good idea.

Now tell me what to leave to grandchildren, when one of your kids has and the other doesn’t!

hcrr1984 · 24 April at 3:01PM

Why not offer to help them with the student debt now (if you can afford to) and then leave all of them an equal share of the estate?

ahfat41 · 25 April at 12:06PM

You should treat both your children the same I am told but am not. I helped my daughter bought a house years ago and I would like to do the same for my son. I think my son needs more help and support so I will support him financially as much as I could. Have told my daughter if he has not got a house when I pass.He should have the family house if he wants it as he is renting now.My late husband agreed with and we have left a letter of wishes. I trust my daughter will do the right thing we did not want it written in our wills.