Ashamed of debt

username1062

Thanks RAS I’ve discussed with my partner. I’ve just emailed the pensions to opt back in (I’ve only been out since last month so likely no real hit). I’ve got a basic bank account where none of my debts are currently and opened a savings account. 

I can’t believe how utterly stupid and foolish I’ve been. 

MattMattMattUK

Does your partner work? There is still no income for them on the SOA.

username1062

Yes partner works but financially separate apart from mortgage, secured loan and council tax if that makes sense

ManyWays

financially separate apart from mortgage, secured loan and council tax if that makes sense
And energy, water, broadband, pet costs, buildings & contents insurance? 

I think you need to do a new SOA, with a lower income for pension option, mark which costs are being halved with your partner and also put some amounts in for;

Clothing................................ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0

It's going to take a few years to clear the debts so your SoA has to be realistic for this.

Obviously some lenders have lent you a lot more than was sensible so you can also look at irresponsible lending complaints to all of them, winning any will reduce your balances and help to clear the debts faster. 

Scarlet_to_Black

I’ve got a couple of big loans with NatWest. Just an observation, really, that NatWest seem to really go over the top in the amount of the loans they allow as they are often very chunky amounts when I read these boards compared to people’s incomes. I was considering doing irresponsible lending complaints to NatWest for the cc (£4k circa x 2) and the two loans of £13k and £9k (latter has been paid down from £12k), but other threads on these boards put me off, with people basically being told off for not taking personal responsibility for their borrowing 🫣

I always thought that NatWest lent such amounts to me because I have a mortgage with them with equity, and I’d tried to get a few 0% transfer cc whilst trying to juggle my debts or top up a Sainsbury’s loan (£7k originally down to £2800) and the other banks mostly turned me down (rightly), whilst NatWest lent me the second loan of £13k.  Crazy stuff…

Scarlet_to_Black

Just to echo, please don’t feel ashamed as the debt spiral is just so easy to become embroiled in.  Also get back into the NHS pension asap (I work for the NHS too and it’s probably the only good thing we have going for us 🫣🤣). 

mitch2509

Hi

cant really help with the debt but from a gambling addict (not had a gamble in 6 years) please get help for your gambling.

good luck 

MattMattMattUK

username1062 said:

Yes partner works but financially separate apart from mortgage, secured loan and council tax if that makes sense

You are going to have to work together to tackle this so I suggest you do a full budget including their income and expenses and sit down with them and have a full discussion about the best way you tackle this as a couple. It will make it much easier on both of you as you will understand the financial position, pressures and the mental position you are both in.

EssexHebridean

Hey OP - just a quick question from me at this stage. Have you thought through the debts fully and they are definitely al your responsibility? So no topping up of household spending when things were a bit leaner, no buying big "one offs" for the house, or things like holidays for the family? If not - that's fair enough, but we often get people here who feel their debts are all their responsibility but when they think it through, at least a proportion of them really should be considered to be shared! 

birdsfoottrefoil

Hi,

Looks like you’re getting some really good advice! I know you say you haven’t included your car as it’s done through salary sacrifice, but I think it’s quite key to your situation. So your salary is 30kpa more than mine but you’re taking home the same monthly pay (that’s after I pay into my pension, union, student loan etc). 

I really think you should consider changing the car even if it’s just to work out what could be cheaper, as it seems to me like that’s taking much of your disposable income. 

Thanks