Grave Kerb / Memorial Vase Inscription - Unknown Plot Ownership

Marcon

staffsuk said:

One of my closest friends died last year, and was subsequently cremated. I have his ashes with me. He had no offspring, and was the last in his family line. There are no surviving relatives to my knowledge. 

He took me to his family grave a couple of times, where his mother, father & brother are buried. It’s a flat style grave, with four kerb stones, three of which have inscriptions. There is also a memorial vase on the grave which has no inscription. 

He suggested various places where he wanted his ashes scattered, he was very unperturbed about any such matters. But it did change from year to year! One reluctant option (without going into details) was his family grave, which is something I’m now considering for some of his ashes. I don’t know who has ownership of the plot, and I haven’t found anything amongst his documents. It's possible any plot ownership might have lapsed, I just don't know. I mentioned this to the funeral directors, who openly suggested I just scatter his ashes on the grave one evening, without informing anyone. But, I would like if possible to arrange for an inscription on the remaining kerb stone. Can anyone guide me with regards options I have to achieve this? Failing that, I'm wondering if I could just 'acquire' the memorial vase for a short time, to have an inscription added. We are friends with a stonemason who could do this. Just to add - probate was granted for his estate, and I’m the sole executor.

Thanks

The dead don't have feelings (at least not in this world) and there are no living family members to consider.  If he wasn't bothered - and from what you've said it sounds as if that's the case - maybe take a step back and consider why you are bothering so much on his behalf? If he was reluctant to opt for the family grave, why force it on him when he's not around to object?

Skiddaw1

For what it is worth, we scattered a friend's ashes in the place (the graveyard of a very pretty church in Cornwall) he'd specified he wanted. We didn't obtain official permission having discovered how much it would have cost (especially as we were all young and pretty impoverished at the time) so we took the 'scatter & scarper' approach. We did make a donation to a charity he supported however...

WYSPECIAL

Savvy_Sue said:

They can't charge you for asking the questions, and we found the council very helpful (we weren't even sure where the grave was ...)

But they may charge for providing an answer! A lot of councils charge for searches unless it is through a funeral director.

Savvy_Sue

WYSPECIAL said:

Savvy_Sue said:

They can't charge you for asking the questions, and we found the council very helpful (we weren't even sure where the grave was ...)

But they may charge for providing an answer! A lot of councils charge for searches unless it is through a funeral director.

Well, fortunately not in our case. Someone even met us to show where the grave is (currently unmarked). Yes, there's a charge to transfer ownership from latest occupant to (likely) survivor of next occupant, but nothing for asking the questions.

Newly_retired

I agree with Marcon. Unless your friend left you an absolute fortune, in which case you may wish to do something more appropriate, why not just choose a pleasant place of which you have happy memories and scatter the ashes informally. A fit to chairty in their memory is better than paying for an inscription or council fees etc.