Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

Weigh-in day today. 

Today’s weight: 201.6lbs
Average this week: 202.5lbs
Average last week: 203.9lbs

Loss this week 1.4lbs! 😁🎉🎉

This Olio diet seems to be working! 🥳

Makingabobor2

Well done on an impressive Olio haul. Never seems to be anything in our area, and seems to defeat the object if I had to take the car to go and get stuff.  
Great weight loss as well. 

EatingBeans

Today has been a rest day ahead of going back to work tomorrow. Honestly, I still don’t really feel well enough again yet but I can’t take off any more time so I am returning regardless. That is, I will be starting after I have been to my hospital appointment first thing tomorrow. Good luck to me trying to convince them I am well! I pretty much give up any hope of getting the secondment at this point. I am tempted to just save us all the awkward conversation and pull out from the process. 🤦‍♀️

So yeah, today’s been a pretty low effort day. I did at least complete a YouGov survey, play a game to earn a few pence on testerup, and list an item. Not a lot to show for a whole day but hey, it’s more than I would have done if I wasn’t tracking my effort £5’s! 🤣

EatingBeans

😔 Today was not a good day.

It started off with me letting work know that I would be back in today, but only after my hospital appointment. 

I then went to said appointment, ended up late because I couldn’t figure out how to get into the car park, then the van wouldn’t lock, and then I couldn’t find the ward. I swallowed my radioactive pill and had a quick scan - back for another scan next week. Then paid the £5.40 parking! 😳 Thankfully I have a budget line for parking and since I am unlikely to go into the office anytime soon, I should have some spare in that pot to cover it. 🤞

Once home I started work despite feeling dreadful. I was kinda hoping I’d get into what I was doing and start to feel better, but oh no, that definitely did not happen. By 1:30pm I had to call it quits. It’s one thing doing a few surveys but it is quite another to be back doing the day job. Thankfully it seems that everyone at work has also been ill so there was just a tiny bit more understanding floating around than would usually be expected for bailing after two hours. Back to the GP I go tomorrow. 😞

No listing done today but I am thankfully still on track with that, (just)!

Worst of all, I gave in and bought dd2 and I a McDs for dinner. That’s £20 out of my £50 for unplanned expenses gone. 😭

Not my best day. 😔

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 🤞

ellenvan

Sorry to hear you are not feeling any better.
BUT really McD,s - was it really necessary!
But if you can keep to the limit of £50 for the month , you will be doing well.
Not sure whether you have ever looked at Too good to go bags? May be worth a try?
Thankfully our  hospital does not charge anything for parking.

EatingBeans

🤣 @ellenvan ! 

No, you are 100% correct, a McD’s was defo not truly necessary, but I had promised dd2 I would take her food shopping for her this evening and then really didn’t feel up to it, so the McDs was really my way of apologising because I felt bad. 

I have tried the TooGoodToGo bags before but quite honestly I get so much from Olio I am really not short on food, just sometimes a little short on energy/willpower. 

I will do better tomorrow. 🤞

Cherryfudge

It sounds like a real trial of a day. I think your DD should apply to McD's (joking). Actually one thing you might be able to to change is the promise to go food shopping (or whatever else might trip you up). Perhaps sit her down one day when neither of you is dealing with stress or pain or tiredness, or at least they aren't dominant, and explain that sometimes you end up taking short cuts but you are trying really hard not to and things like going for McDs is taking away not only from what you can pay to the debt but also what money you have to employ her. Or perhaps you could rephrase it as 'I would like to take you to the shops but it will depend how I feel. If I can't do it tonight, it will be as soon as I have time and energy.'

Anyway, well done for getting into work. Definitely the season for lurgies so you won't be the only one struggling, and it's good you can keep out of the germ-breeding zone (office) for a while.

EatingBeans

See that’s the thing, dd2 is super understanding that I am broke, trying to pay the debt down and that sometimes I just don’t have the energy. She didn’t even ask for the McDs tonight, despite having a test at college today that didn’t go well. I offered the takeaway as I knew she has very little of her own food in the cupboards and the only reason she has been patiently waiting to get her food shop (which should have been Sunday), is because I have not been up to it. She even chipped in £3 of the money I pay her, towards the cost. Honestly, dd2 is not often the badgering type, and when she has occasionally pestered, she has come back the next day and apologised because she knows it is not helping and it is pretty much taking advantage of my weakness.

The thing is, I know a lot of my supplying yummy food to my dd’s stems from me growing up properly hungry in my teenager years, and my mum prioritised other things. To a certain extent she was right to (we were very poor and didn’t die from it), but it was a miserable way to grow up and it left a lasting impression. I just can’t bear the thought that my own kids look back and feel the same way about growing up. There is a middle ground, which by this age I doubt I will ever find, (the thought of my kids opening the door to an empty fridge still genuinely makes me feel sick to my stomach), but the odd thing is, that very same upbringing that made me feel like this, is exactly why when it comes to myself I am not fussy about something being a recognisable meal, just so long as I am fed. I know it is all just psychological and not really based in reality, but despite trying, i’ve yet to be able to stop it - we all have our quirks, right? 

That said we are getting better at the takeaways. It’s just that when I am feeling sick/low, it creeps back in. If dd2 is having a good day she will often push back and tell me no to the takeaway and remind me of the debt, but when she’s had a bad day and is hungry she gives in a bit easier. 

It really is totally my fault. 😞

dawnybabes

Did anyone die ? No! So stop beating yourself up about it.  If it was an easy journey there wouldn’t be pages of diaries on here …..

joedenise

Could you batch cook some meals and freeze them when you are feeling up to it so that you have meals you can just grab from the freezer from you are having your bad days?  Thinks like stews and curries freeze really well and can easily be defrosted and heated up while you cook some potatoes or rice to go with it.  Could even just have with some bread or naan if you can't even cope with cooking some carbs.