Freeloading friend, was I right to say anything?

Bookowl

Hello,
I have a friend who’s a free loader and only realised this recently.
My friend was a my +1 at a wedding and my mum picked her up (I can’t drive due to a disability) and dropped us off on day of at wedding. The agreement was she’d pay £20 petrol for my mum doing this.
She hasn’t paid it. After, she left I text her re the £20. 

Now I’m wondering if I did the right thing by saying anything?

this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. Years ago we went to New York and I paid train from where we were staying in Philadelphia and the hotel. She never paid it! 

She did pay my lunch, dinner and a play we went to see in London for a big birthday. She had a taste card and the restaurants we went to had buy 1 get 1 free and half price deals. All that wouldn’t have amounted to the cost I paid for the hotel and train. 

If it was the the other way round she wouldn’t be too long asking me for money. We went to Edinburgh fringe and went to Nando’s. She was straight on the phone  asking for my half and she got narky with me, that I was a few days late paying it. 

She’s a really good friend but equally I don’t want her taking advantage and freeloading 

YBR

I feel it's really an individual decision what it is worth bearing with to keep a good friend, but I suspect that now you have realised this, you're not able to un-see it and without tackling and resolving it, you're likely to build resentment.

Baldytyke88

Bookowl said:

She’s a really good friend but equally I don’t want her taking advantage and freeloading 

Surely good friends don't let money get in the way?

Some people have a higher income or a better memory, I would not let it bother you.

HampshireH

You can stay friends just always go halves at the time in future

Bookowl

Baldytyke88 said:

Bookowl said:

She’s a really good friend but equally I don’t want her taking advantage and freeloading 

Surely good friends don't let money get in the way?

Some people have a higher income or a better memory, I would not let it bother you.

No, don’t think it’s right someone can free load of another person and that be ok?! 

Brie

I have a good friend who always orders more when we're splitting the tab.  Annoys me as I earn a small fraction of what he does.  I could say I'll pay mine and you pay yours but I never have.  But he's generous in other ways, gifts, rushes to my rescue so I figure it's just pay back but in a different way.  

But if you feel you're being taken advantage of then it may be time to end the friendship.  Alternative is to insist on money up front.

_Penny_Dreadful

Bookowl said:

Hello,
I have a friend who’s a free loader and only realised this recently.
My friend was a my +1 at a wedding and my mum picked her up (I can’t drive due to a disability) and dropped us off on day of at wedding. The agreement was she’d pay £20 petrol for my mum doing this.
She hasn’t paid it. After, she left I text her re the £20. 

Now I’m wondering if I did the right thing by saying anything?

this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. Years ago we went to New York and I paid train from where we were staying in Philadelphia and the hotel. She never paid it! 

She did pay my lunch, dinner and a play we went to see in London for a big birthday. She had a taste card and the restaurants we went to had buy 1 get 1 free and half price deals. All that wouldn’t have amounted to the cost I paid for the hotel and train. 

If it was the the other way round she wouldn’t be too long asking me for money. We went to Edinburgh fringe and went to Nando’s. She was straight on the phone  asking for my half and she got narky with me, that I was a few days late paying it. 

She’s a really good friend but equally I don’t want her taking advantage and freeloading 

How much did you pay your mum for petrol? £20 each sound like quite a lot unless it was a long journey. If I invited someone as my plus one to a wedding I wouldn’t make them go halves on transport. 

It could be that your friend thinks it all evens out. You could have a frank conversation with your friend about it. I’ve known people who thought they were being taken advantage of but turns out they were the ones in the red. I’ve also known people like an ex-friend who would demand the 20p you borrowed the very next day whilst still owing you £20 from weeks ago. “Sure Claire, so that’s £19.80 you now owe.” 

Pollycat

Bookowl said:

Baldytyke88 said:

Bookowl said:

She’s a really good friend but equally I don’t want her taking advantage and freeloading 

Surely good friends don't let money get in the way?

Some people have a higher income or a better memory, I would not let it bother you.

No, don’t think it’s right someone can free load of another person and that be ok?! 

Then you've answered your own question.
It was right to say something.

What happens next depends on how she responds and then how you deal with it.

MEM62

Based on the OP's original post I am not seeing a lot of freeloading going on.  Unless, off course, there is more to the story that has not been shared. A difference in how some expenses are viewed, yes, but freeloading, I don't see it.  

Pollycat

MEM62 said:

Based on the OP's original post I am not seeing a lot of freeloading going on.  Unless, off course, there is more to the story that has not been shared. A difference in how some expenses are viewed, yes, but freeloading, I don't see it.  

I don't see it either, but the OP does.

It would annoy me if a friend agreed to pay for something (a lift to a wedding) and then didn't offer the money, especially if she acted like this:

Bookowl said:

We went to Edinburgh fringe and went to Nando’s. She was straight on the phone  asking for my half and she got narky with me, that I was a few days late paying it. 

Marvel1

Bookowl said:

If it was the the other way round she wouldn’t be too long asking me for money. We went to Edinburgh fringe and went to Nando’s. She was straight on the phone  asking for my half and she got narky with me, that I was a few days late paying it. 

There is the answer for me.