Separation - need to leave a joint tenancy!

Debbie9009

I wouldn’t recommend contacting a colleague, I used to work in HR and we had a similar situation brought to our attention, and the ex had also contacted colleagues, we told her we wouldn’t get involved and none of the colleagues wanted to get involved either.  So I don’t think that would get you anywhere, and possibly annoy you that no one wants to help.

Most of the time people just don’t want to get involved in relationship disputes, so not sure you would get very far with family or friends either.

Apologies if that sounds harsh.

ThisIsWeird

Debbie9009 said:

I wouldn’t recommend contacting a colleague, I used to work in HR and we had a similar situation brought to our attention, and the ex had also contacted colleagues, we told her we wouldn’t get involved and none of the colleagues wanted to get involved either.  So I don’t think that would get you anywhere, and possibly annoy you that no one wants to help.
Most of the time people just don’t want to get involved in relationship disputes, so not sure you would get very far with family or friends either.
Apologies if that sounds harsh.

Not harsh at all, and fair caution.

I mean someone who knows them both, perhaps as couple-friends, colleagues, but ideally family, who might give him sound guidance. I don't, in any way, mean it as an attempt at smearing the ex - he's going to do that to himself.

Because, if this situation is as the OP says - and of course we always only have one side of it - then the ex may wish to consider what their reputation will be after all this is done and dusted.

I would think pretty lowly of anyone who behaved in a deliberately manipulative way like this.

ian1246

If you start contacting people who have no involvement in this situation - such as your ex's work colleagues - then he can, justifiably, say your harassing him - since regardless of the "reason" behind the harassment (to apply pressure from others to get him to be reasonable), ultimately it IS harassment, which could potentially amount to a criminal offence.

The absolute last thing the OP needs is the ex rocking up to the local police station with a bundle of messages/screenshots of the OP messaging his colleagues, reporting her for harassment - since the ultimate outcome of that would be *she* would go down as a suspect for Domestic-Violence related harassment under crime recording (modern crime recording standards are extremely inflexible. The moment a report is made against someone, they are recorded as a suspect and its almost impossible to then get it removed. Additional verifiable information is needed to do so - an impossibly high standard). You can imagine how catastrophic that could be for the Op... 

Don't approach his colleagues and do everything you can to keep yourself whiter than white. Be mindful that if a CCJ is issued for outstanding rent - it won't specify a 50/50 split between you & ex. You'll both be liable for 100% of the amount between you - meaning if ex doesn't pay anything, the CCJ will only be satisfied if you pay the 100% owed...

ThisIsWeird

ian1246 said:

If you start contacting people who have no involvement in this situation - such as your ex's work colleagues - then he can, justifiably, say your harassing him - since regardless of the "reason" behind the harassment (to apply pressure from others to get him to be reasonable), ultimately it IS harassment, which could potentially amount to a criminal offence.

The absolute last thing the OP needs is the ex rocking up to the local police station with a bundle of messages/screenshots of the OP messaging his colleagues, reporting her for harassment - since the ultimate outcome of that would be *she* would go down as a suspect for Domestic-Violence related harassment under crime recording (modern crime recording standards are extremely inflexible. The moment a report is made against someone, they are recorded as a suspect and its almost impossible to then get it removed. Additional verifiable information is needed to do so - an impossibly high standard). You can imagine how catastrophic that could be for the Op... 

Don't approach his colleagues and do everything you can to keep yourself whiter than white. Be mindful that if a CCJ is issued for outstanding rent - it won't specify a 50/50 split between you & ex. You'll both be liable for 100% of the amount between you - meaning if ex doesn't pay anything, the CCJ will only be satisfied if you pay the 100% owed...

Again, wise caution. Tho' not at all - or a heavy exaggeration of - what I was suggesting.

This guy seemingly needs protecting from his own behaviour, as he risks loosing esteem amongst his peers.

He is not doing the right thing here, and is behaving very badly. It'll almost certainly bite him hard - if he cares.

That is why it would be good if someone he knows could have a word - make him accept what the right thing to do is.

pinkshoes

@Hills456 have you heard back from the LL yet?

If the LL has half a brain, he will realise it is in his own best interest to evict your ex as soon as possible. The costs involved in the eviction will be SO much cheaper than having to pay your share of the rent until mid 2026, and if paid immediately they should avoid a CCJ against you (and your ex). 

It might be worth phoning the landlord and having an actual conversation, making it clear you will pay eviction costs and ask the LL to evict as soon as sufficient rent arrears are reached.

If your ex decides to pay the entire rent then you'll still be stuck with your name on the contract so don't forget to end it at the end of the fixed term. 

Debbie9009

@ThisIsWeird unfortunately this isn’t always the case, my ex was emotionally and mentally abusive, but almost all our friends thought he was wonderful he went out of his way to help everyone (apart from me) told lots of lies behind my back telling people I was an awful person, so when we split only a couple of close friends believed me, it was so upsetting seeing just how many people didn’t believe me.  So OP my advice would be make sure you have your good friends to support you, do your best to ignore how he is behaving, other than to try and sort out the rental situation.  Just look after your children and yourself, I say this so you don’t waste your time and energy like I did trying to get people to believe you.  Best of luck on the rental situation I truly hope it gets sorted quickly.

jonnydeppiwish!

ThisIsWeird said:

ian1246 said:

If you start contacting people who have no involvement in this situation - such as your ex's work colleagues - then he can, justifiably, say your harassing him - since regardless of the "reason" behind the harassment (to apply pressure from others to get him to be reasonable), ultimately it IS harassment, which could potentially amount to a criminal offence.

The absolute last thing the OP needs is the ex rocking up to the local police station with a bundle of messages/screenshots of the OP messaging his colleagues, reporting her for harassment - since the ultimate outcome of that would be *she* would go down as a suspect for Domestic-Violence related harassment under crime recording (modern crime recording standards are extremely inflexible. The moment a report is made against someone, they are recorded as a suspect and its almost impossible to then get it removed. Additional verifiable information is needed to do so - an impossibly high standard). You can imagine how catastrophic that could be for the Op... 

Don't approach his colleagues and do everything you can to keep yourself whiter than white. Be mindful that if a CCJ is issued for outstanding rent - it won't specify a 50/50 split between you & ex. You'll both be liable for 100% of the amount between you - meaning if ex doesn't pay anything, the CCJ will only be satisfied if you pay the 100% owed...

Again, wise caution. Tho' not at all - or a heavy exaggeration of - what I was suggesting.

This guy seemingly needs protecting from his own behaviour, as he risks loosing esteem amongst his peers.

He is not doing the right thing here, and is behaving very badly. It'll almost certainly bite him hard - if he cares.

That is why it would be good if someone he knows could have a word - make him accept what the right thing to do is.

But you only have one side of the story.

Perhaps someone actually needs to have word with the op along the lines of ‘you’re liable for any debt accrued through failure to pay rent agreed in contract regardless of what split you may or may not have made with the ex’. 

There is nothing the op can do to legally get out of this, and what you’re suggesting could make it a lot worse for the op.

ThisIsWeird

jonnydeppiwish! said:

ThisIsWeird said:

ian1246 said:

If you start contacting people who have no involvement in this situation - such as your ex's work colleagues - then he can, justifiably, say your harassing him - since regardless of the "reason" behind the harassment (to apply pressure from others to get him to be reasonable), ultimately it IS harassment, which could potentially amount to a criminal offence.

The absolute last thing the OP needs is the ex rocking up to the local police station with a bundle of messages/screenshots of the OP messaging his colleagues, reporting her for harassment - since the ultimate outcome of that would be *she* would go down as a suspect for Domestic-Violence related harassment under crime recording (modern crime recording standards are extremely inflexible. The moment a report is made against someone, they are recorded as a suspect and its almost impossible to then get it removed. Additional verifiable information is needed to do so - an impossibly high standard). You can imagine how catastrophic that could be for the Op... 

Don't approach his colleagues and do everything you can to keep yourself whiter than white. Be mindful that if a CCJ is issued for outstanding rent - it won't specify a 50/50 split between you & ex. You'll both be liable for 100% of the amount between you - meaning if ex doesn't pay anything, the CCJ will only be satisfied if you pay the 100% owed...

Again, wise caution. Tho' not at all - or a heavy exaggeration of - what I was suggesting.

This guy seemingly needs protecting from his own behaviour, as he risks loosing esteem amongst his peers.

He is not doing the right thing here, and is behaving very badly. It'll almost certainly bite him hard - if he cares.

That is why it would be good if someone he knows could have a word - make him accept what the right thing to do is.

But you only have one side of the story.

Perhaps someone actually needs to have word with the op along the lines of ‘you’re liable for any debt accrued through failure to pay rent agreed in contract regardless of what split you may or may not have made with the ex’. 

There is nothing the op can do to legally get out of this, and what you’re suggesting could make it a lot worse for the op.

As always, and I have said this a number of times on different threads, replies and help offered are based on the information provided by the poster, assumed to be honest and accurate.
The good news is, it's self-regulating; if a poster tries to act on provided advice based on their false info, they will almost certainly become highly unstuck.
The only way - as far as I can see - that my advice could make it worse for the OP, is if they have been eco with the truth. In which case, job done.
The gist of my advice has been (a) be upfront and (largely) truthful with the LL, and (b) if there is someone who could have a quiet word with the ex to make him see the error of his ways, then awesome. 

Hills456

Thank you for all responses - I have been upfront and honest with the landlord regarding the situation as I always think that is best policy. LL is currently looking at options he has but he said a joint agreement with ex to end the lease would be the better than eviction, which we know.
I emailed ex yesterday giving him until next Monday to agree to end the lease with me, and then I'd be happy to pay my current share of the rent until a new tenant is found. I said this would be preferable to everyone but if he does decide to stay in the property which we all know is not affordable to him, I will need to default on my own payments. Ex in response said that he thought I was incriminating myself and that he doesn't think that's the right route - so I hold out little hope of an agreement as he will probably try to use my defaults on payments against me at some point.
Seemingly, under the tenancy agreement, the easiest way for LL to start eviction is for 14 days' outstanding rent as it doesn't contain a break clause so LL can't end it himself with s.21.
This was the best I could do. 

ThisIsWeird

Hills456 said:

Thank you for all responses - I have been upfront and honest with the landlord regarding the situation as I always think that is best policy. LL is currently looking at options he has but he said a joint agreement with ex to end the lease would be the better than eviction, which we know.
I emailed ex yesterday giving him until next Monday to agree to end the lease with me, and then I'd be happy to pay my current share of the rent until a new tenant is found. I said this would be preferable to everyone but if he does decide to stay in the property which we all know is not affordable to him, I will need to default on my own payments. Ex in response said that he thought I was incriminating myself and that he doesn't think that's the right route - so I hold out little hope of an agreement as he will probably try to use my defaults on payments against me at some point.
Seemingly, under the tenancy agreement, the easiest way for LL to start eviction is for 14 days' outstanding rent as it doesn't contain a break clause so LL can't end it himself with s.21.
This was the best I could do. 

Well done for trying.
There endeth your DD :-)