Journey North to Debt-Free and Become a Saver

Cousin_Creditor

Hello,

So ultimately the goal is to repay my current level of debt using a DMP. I have chosen to do this through a debt charity. I was given bankruptcy as an option but it wasn't recommended. I'm a homeowner with a mortgage so I presume this asset would have been used to clear my debts. Not an outcome I want. 

I prefer to keep my home as an asset and continue building equity. Being that I'm now 35 I have recognized the need to think more long-term and achieve more stability.

During the past decade, I've lived a somewhat volatile lifestyle. I would frequent nightclubs at least twice weekly, at the peak it was often as five times per week. I've drank much alcohol, smoked many cigarettes and I have pursued sexual liaisons with many women. All of it casual fun that has resulted in me feeling ashamed and rather burned out and tired. This is the second time I have accumulated so much debt. The first time was due to a temporary gambling addiction that was only eliminated due to the fact I was unemployed and couldn't afford to gamble. 

My depression and low mood has rendered me ineffective at work. I have been unable to cultivate relationships with colleagues. I often went hungry at work being so bad at managing my finances and I started taking days off. At least every other week I was phone in sick for one day and this resulted in the company withholding the offer of a permanent contract.

Alcohol and cigarettes are still a problem. I don't visit nightclubs anymore, but every day I have off work I drink several liters of cheap cider and chain smoke at least three packs of cigarettes. This binge usually lasts through Friday and Saturday and results in my food budget being compromised for the following week and my flat ends up being a complete mess.

My flat is currently beleaguered with bottles, cans and take away cartons. My personal hygiene is not up to par also. The smoking is expensive and I recently broke my vape in a fit of rage where I was angry at myself.

I'm currently on a waiting list for counselling. I believe I will be able to keep my priority bills up to date rather easily, but I have other debts that I will list below.

I have just been offered another job and it is such that the hours and pay will give me an excellent chance to repay my debts whilst affording me a budget that will guarantee a basic quality of life that I haven't had since I moved out of my parents house. My parents are always willing to help me with food and travel and other necessary expenses. They offered to pay for some new glasses that I got for free on universal credit in the end, but the offer was there. 

I have reason to be optimistic about this new job, but I have had many jobs in recent years and ultimately I feel very fragile. A run of bad luck could really hurt me, as it almost did whilst I was frantically searching for a new full time job.

I was recently victim of a fiasco involving two recruitment agencies, wherein one of then u-turned on an offer of employment, whilst my former employer refused to give me my old job back. 

I feel like this was a deliberate move given that my new job was with an employer that I worked for last year on a permanent basis and it sounded like one of the production supervisors and HR lead me on to think I could work there again when in fact they weren't willing to allow this. In fairness my attendance record and my conduct were poor whilst I was there. 

The goal is to become debt free and have the £1k emergency fund. Ultimately, though, I crave a simple life. There is a McDonald's that's a 30 second walk from my front door. A KFC also. A Farmfoods also. I want a job in one of these places due to the easy commute and I believe the staff morale will be better than that of a factory workforce. My new job (keeping my fingers crossed all goes well and I get a start date next week) is working at a recycling plant which essentially means working with rubbish. The long hours there are worth doing to redeem myself from the years of partying and slothful behaviour. 

Here is my budget:-

HOUSEHOLD

Mortgage Payment: £242 Monthly
Council Tax: £125 Monthly
Ground Rent and Service Charges: £100 Monthly. (This is actually £85 per month with a one-off £150 Ground Rent Payment early in the year, usually January if I can afford it.)

UTILITIES

Electricity: £60 Monthly.
Water: £25 Monthly.

 FOOD AND HOUSEKEEPING

Food: £150 Monthly.
Laundry: £2 Weekly.
Smoking Products: £20 Weekly. 
Meals at Work: £5 Daily.

COMMUNICATIONS AND LEISURE

Mobile Phone: £50 Monthly.
Hobbies, Leisure and Sport: £36 Weekly.
Gifts: £100 Yearly.

TRANSPORT AND TRAVEL

Public Transport: £32 Weekly.

PERSONAL COSTS

Clothing and Footwear: £40 Monthly.
Toiletries: £10 Monthly.
Hairdressing: £5 Monthly.

CARE AND HEALTH COSTS

Prescriptions and Medicines: £20 Monthly.
Dentistry: £15 Yearly.
Opticians: £136 Yearly.

TOTAL SPENDING:
£1411.67

INCOME
Wages: £514 Weekly.
Total Income Monthly: £2227.33


Debts:-

Lowell Credit Card (Defaulted): £874
Lowell Credit Card (Defaulted): £588.32
RateSetter Personal Loan: £4085.94 (inc £594.20 arrears)
Barclays Personal Loan: £2555.00 (inc £245 arrears)
Barclaycard Credit Card: £206
DWP Advance: £652
Klarna Personal Loan: £116
Wescot Credit Services Credit Card ( Defaulted): £3192
Wescot Credit Services Overdraft (Defaulted): £1175

Total Debt (9): £13444.26
Total Available To Repay Debts: £815.66

Additional Information:-
I am single and live alone. 
I have a mortgage that was for a term of 25 years commencing Feb 2021. I paid a 15% deposit of £9k.
The remaining balance is: £47709.95

The defaults were filed around 2.5 years ago and have compromised my credit rating. I have struggled to pay by direct debit because of my lack of control over spending, my somewhat low income and the fact that I have been paid weekly for the most part. Ideally I want all of my outgoings to go out from my account at the end of the month during the same day. 

The job I am set to accept will be a temporary to permanent contract and I am looking to use it to carry out this journey to being debt free. If I am laid off so to speak I will have to just repay what I can.

My main problems besides the debts are smoking, drinking alcohol, personal hygiene and housekeeping at my flat. I have struggled on an interpersonal level with other people. Everywhere I work, the supervisors and other staff seem to think I am ambitious and I am looking to climb the ladder with promotions. This is not true. I wonder if I should tell people what my focus is - getting out of debt. 

I owe my parents a sizeable amount of money. The exact figure I do not know but they will never ask for it back. They keep the pressure on all the time, especially when I work. The pressure is to become financially independent. My parents are elderly and so they won't be around forever. I hope to be debt-free by the time they pass away. 

I am going to confirm this plan and select DMP with my debt charity when I get a start date for my job, lest I have to do everything again if it goes belly up.

Thank you for reading. 

vampirotoothus

Hi, it looks like you have a good plan. You sound like your mood is low, have you talked to anyone about that? Good luck on your journey V x

Cousin_Creditor

Yes, my mood is low. You should see how lack lustre I have been in the last few years. I cannot talk to my parents or siblings about it because I have malevolent uncles and a rather malevolent auntie who will find out and they usually go on the wind up. They are rather cruel and toxic usually and always have been for as long as I can remember. My cousin also is definitely an enemy who revels in my difficult family situation. I suffered domestic abuse emotionally and financially whilst I lived with my parents. The abuse was sexual at times including when I was a child. My father and uncles and even my mother at times were sexually abusive and seen it as their god-given right because "family."

I am on a waiting list for counselling and I am going to phone up tomorrow to see how far along that is. I am also going to get a prescription for Nicotine Replacement Therapy on the NHS. For now I might get the prescription for free.

I have been so careless recently that I didn't even visit the opticians for my eye test. I have been desperate for a new pair of distance glasses and I've been walking around blind-as-a-bat.

I recently apologized to my sisters for a domestic row I had with them and my mother. My father often says I'm harassing him and he usually refuses to speak to me directly. Everything goes through my mother. They have offered to cover my food costs until I get my first payday with this new job.

The job centre said they will issue me with a bus pass so that I can travel to work. 

All the while my cousin, my long-term enemy, has managed to achieve for herself a rather comfortable life situation. Her spouse earns good money as a manager and they live in a 4-bedroom house with at least one car. I believe she revels in the fact that she has maybe done better than me in life because I live in a 1-bedroom flat and I don't have a car. It's no secret that I'm in debt as well. Her good situation is really down to her spouse, however. She is something of a mis-fit, same as me.

I forgot to mention as well that I have all but given up on finding a long term partner. I feel a bit past it at age 35 and I'm not so easy on the eyes thanks to some of my lifestyle decisions. I have dabbled with ideas of hitting the gym and eating healthy but it's unlikely to happen and the problem will be consistency I fear. I'm likely to be single for life and looking to survive. 

Cousin_Creditor

I forgot to mention as well that I'm aware that five of my loan accounts have not defaulted. The DWP Advance is a benefit payment. 

The two personal loans, the barclaycard and the klarna loan I expect my debt charity will not pay into these accounts until they default. This might cause the DWP account to be paid off in full whilst I'm waiting. I guess it really depends on how long it takes to default. 

fatbelly

Most debt charities (are we talking stepchange?) aren't fussy about getting a default first. So you may have to insist on that

Cousin_Creditor

fatbelly said:

Most debt charities (are we talking stepchange?) aren't fussy about getting a default first. So you may have to insist on that

Yeah but if I remember correctly they stipulate that a client must add all of their creditors to the DMP before commencing. Do I just tell them that I want to deliberately default? I presume I would have to just not pay anything at all until that happens, and maybe I could make minimum payments to my other accounts of maybe £10 each tops. £10 to all of my defaulted accounts is the current arrangement as it goes. 

foxgloves

You've given up hope of ever finding a life partner at 35, @Cousin_Creditor? 35? That is a young age. I met my life partner at 35 & married him at 37. Plenty of couples get together later in life, so don't rule out meeting someone.
What you need to do now, however, is develop a better relationship with yourself. Things like personal hygiene are tied up with self-esteem. Wouldn't you honestly feel better about yourself if you kept yourself clean & hygienic? Potential new friends, colleagues & partners are going to be a lot more concerned with that than other aspects of physical appearance. Not everyone is attracted by a ripped-looking 6-pack. My partner is a big chunk of a bloke & his huge physical presence was one of the first things that attracted me to him.
There's a new year hoving into view, so a great time to re-set a few things. It sounds as though taking more care of yourself & your home & getting a plan in place for debt-busting should be top of the list. Definitely time to begin an overall process of change.
F

Cousin_Creditor

foxgloves said:

You've given up hope of ever finding a life partner at 35, @Cousin_Creditor? 35? That is a young age. I met my life partner at 35 & married him at 37. Plenty of couples get together later in life, so don't rule out meeting someone.
What you need to do now, however, is develop a better relationship with yourself. Things like personal hygiene are tied up with self-esteem. Wouldn't you honestly feel better about yourself if you kept yourself clean & hygienic? Potential new friends, colleagues & partners are going to be a lot more concerned with that than other aspects of physical appearance. Not everyone is attracted by a ripped-looking 6-pack. My partner is a big chunk of a bloke & it his huge physical presence was one of the first things that attracted me to him.
There's a new year hoving into view, so a great time to re-set a few things. It sounds as though taking more care of yourself & getting a plan in place for debt-busting should be top of the list. Definitely time to begin an overall process of change.
F

Yeah I used to be into PUA. It taught me some good things but it was ultimately toxic and it exposed me to nightclubs which in turn exposed me to alcohol.

Yeah my personal hygiene is bad and my overall mood is really low. 

Being that I stopped approaching random women in high streets and public places a while ago I haven't thought really where I could even meet someone. I could do with the company as well. I know 35 is quite young still but I haven't spoke with a woman romantically since 2017. That's a long time and I just haven't been feeling it. 

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

I am not a therapist unfortunately and I don't want to give advice which could be the wrong type but reading your diary I can see that you have a lot fires to put out but by being so honest with what you have written today has already put out many of the fires but plenty no doubt still to achieve.
I think you should be really proud of yourself because of the awareness you are displaying this is no doubt a strength in itself. If we are not aware we cannot change, I have no doubt that many people on this forum can relate to your challenges and have lived similar experiences so I'm sure some can empathise with your situation.
Hopefully this forum can be a means of information to help you make some important decisions which will help you especially with financial choices.
I think it's human to compare our lives to others but we are all on our own unique journey and we will all come out the other end stronger and with a new appreciation of life in general.
Absolutely well done on the new job that's fantastic I wish you all the best. Please try to be good to yourself you are a good human being despite what you are feeling. They say a visual focus on our goals is beneficial and displaying mood boards scattered around your home with pictures or positive messages like post it notes really helps with our focus.
Just getting out of bed in the morning and making one's bed is a simple but positive start to the day. The days are short and the temperatures are cold but a brisk walk in the morning even if it is short is incredibly good to kickstart our men

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

our mental well being. I hadn't finished the last message and hit post comment in error so I will continue with a few more words...

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

as I wrote earlier we are all on our unique  journey with our own goals as many have written here these are not my words but this is a marathon not a sprint. There will be moments when we hit the wall but as long as we keep our goal on the finishing line we can ALL do it.
I read somewhere where someone said before going to bed at night write down a few words about the day no matter how short it does not matter. If it wasn't the best there will always be something good to remember. This evening when I took my dog out for his walk it was freezing cold but it had been clearer today where I am and I looked at up at the early evening sky and the moon was completely full and it looked incredibly beautiful I am by no means perfect but I'll try to remember this being so fortunate to have my lovely dog next to my side too.

My last words here are I remember my elderly mother spent the weekend stuck in the bath and I phoned her to check on her well being when the phone rang , "she said to herself I can, I must and I will!" she got herself out the bath to answer the phone which meant I got to her and managed to rush her to hospital.

I wish you all the best on this journey you can do it!!!