Christmas guilt

Savvy_Sue

It isn't necessarily a choice between coming to you and being at home on their own all day. I agree with the suggestion to talk to Mum about what SHE would like, and what SHE feels the pair of them can cope with. 

Taking the meal to them but not having to stay all day is one suggestion. Another is investigating what Lonely Lunches there might be in their area - I've just invented that term, but I know that here there are quite a few options, and one I'm aware of here is https://www.marmaladetrust.org/aboutmarmaladetrust - not sure if they are just local to us or replicated across the country. 

A taxi is an option, although I'm not sure how easy it will be to book one on Christmas Day, and even if you can I'd always have a lingering worry about whether it would turn up or not. Plus, it seems to me (and your mum might not mind this, it's quite personal), that going in on their own from a taxi might feel quite strange and impersonal - I'm not wording that well but I hope you can work out what I mean. 

As for your children, at that age there is an element of "I know this is a bit boring, but we're not doing it for you we're doing it for your grandparents" which may be needed. 

I do feel your pain though: I find Christmas quite unsettling because the way we do things has never really 'settled' since the boys left Uni. There's only MiL left now, and she's in residential care, so it's always just a bit complicated. 

Newly_retired

You will have Christmas 2 together, so could that be the “ main event” this year? But do ask your Mum what would suit them best on Christmas Day. Suggest various options, with pros and cons. 

flossymcfly

As others have suggested, speak to your mum and see what she would prefer. @elsien has mentioned, it can be a lot for the partner to think about how someone with dementia is coping and wondering if they are okay or out of their usual surroundings etc. Your mum may want to see the family for gifts then relax for the rest of the afternoon.