Advice about ex spending

mr_stripey

If you have the kids 3 nights per week then that is not far of 50/50 shared custody.
Based on the starting point being that if you share custody 50/50 then no maintenance is due then how is the £600 arrived at?

(not an expert on this - maybe relative incomes have some bearing)

swingaloo

Sprinter24sharp said:

£600 not going on them is the frustrating part , eating rubbish and not clothing them. Where’s the money going ! I wonder if a solicitor could help find out. Like I’ve said I want to provide for them 100% I do . I don’t want to provide for her!

Getting frustrated is not going to make your life easier or better. You pay a percentage of your income as CM. Where do you draw the line with 2 children? Based on a minimum wage job you would not pay as much so is the father who pays £100 a week paying too much? Is the footballer who pays £3000 a month paying too much? You cannot say a child costs x amount to raise and anything over that should not be paid. Every situation is different and the sad part is that when 2 parents split up neither of them can afford the lifestyle they had as a couple.

Thinking of a solicitor is madness, they wont tell you how to find out what your ex spends the money on you will just be wasting money paying them.

You dont seem to understand- you pay what you are assessed on your wage. What happens to that money is nothing to do with you at all. She could spend it in a nail bar, hairdressers or botox. You cant do a thing about it. If you truly think your children are being neglected then apply for custody.

Sprinter24sharp

I should’ve known posting somewhere like this would be pointless.  You think it’s acceptable to spend my children’s maintenance on her nails 🤣 honestly , what on earth am I reading. 

swingaloo

Sprinter24sharp said:

I should’ve known posting somewhere like this would be pointless.  You think it’s acceptable to spend my children’s maintenance on her nails 🤣 honestly , what on earth am I reading. 

The problem is that you are not reading!

I never said it was acceptable, its simply how it is. Im married to a man who was in exactly your situation so I do understand where you are coming from but you seem unwilling to listen anything that doesnt agree with your narrative.

Ok- next time you see your ex hand her a sheet of paper and tell her you want everything itemising if if you are not happy you will expect a refund. Feel better now?
Posting on here is not pointless, refusing to accept the answers is. You cant make people say what you want to hear.

mr_stripey

Sprinter24sharp said:

I should’ve known posting somewhere like this would be pointless.  You think it’s acceptable to spend my children’s maintenance on her nails 🤣 honestly , what on earth am I reading. 

you need to separate fact from emotion and hyperbole.

No one is saying it is acceptable, but there are pointing out that if she does do that, there's nothing much you can do about it.

Sprinter24sharp

I appreciate all your comments , yes I am reading it’s just no one seems to see how wrong it is. I know there’s literally nothing I can do, it just upsets me to see my children not getting the money meant for them that’s all. 

Singlemummy_2

Presumably she’s paying for the house rent/mortgage and bills that they are living in, she is providing food, even though you’re not happy with it, do they do clubs etc, they cost money, lunch money for school, or school dinners.

But if you need to know,.,then presumably it goes similar to mine….

The maintenance I receive for my children goes into my bank account along with my wage and I spend it as I see fit month by month on all of the bills (which have gone up), food (which has gone up!), pocket money, nipping into the shop and picking up treats, bus pass for my oldest, hair cuts, weekly dance class, weekly cooking classes (and the extras such as equipment / clothing needed for these), diesel, - oh it’s half term this week so extra food, days out etc, non uniform days/charity collection at school £1 here and there, last week it was buying and taking chocolate into school for non uniform day, the week before buying and taking something else into school for a tombola. I’ve taken the week off work this week but if I had not i would be paying for holiday clubs…oh I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and I get my nails done monthly, I even sometimes go out when the kids are with their dad *shock horror*

I buy cereal, they eat it, buy the same cereal the week after, they no longer like it, I have breakfast bars and grab and go breakfasts in the cupboard, I have mug shots in for a quick and easy lunch or snack, my son loves a microwave burger 🤢 (but he has to buy these himself with that pocket money I mentioned). Sometimes we eat junk food, sometimes we get a take away, we usually eat home cooked meals!

So if you have concerns about neglect, then do something about that, if not, leave her be

Sprinter24sharp

Singlemummy_2 said:

Presumably she’s paying for the house rent/mortgage and bills that they are living in, she is providing food, even though you’re not happy with it, do they do clubs etc, they cost money, lunch money for school, or school dinners.

But if you need to know,.,then presumably it goes similar to mine….

The maintenance I receive for my children goes into my bank account along with my wage and I spend it as I see fit month by month on all of the bills (which have gone up), food (which has gone up!), pocket money, nipping into the shop and picking up treats, bus pass for my oldest, hair cuts, weekly dance class, weekly cooking classes (and the extras such as equipment / clothing needed for these), diesel, - oh it’s half term this week so extra food, days out etc, non uniform days/charity collection at school £1 here and there, last week it was buying and taking chocolate into school for non uniform day, the week before buying and taking something else into school for a tombola. I’ve taken the week off work this week but if I had not i would be paying for holiday clubs…oh I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and I get my nails done monthly, I even sometimes go out when the kids are with their dad *shock horror*

I buy cereal, they eat it, buy the same cereal the week after, they no longer like it, I have breakfast bars and grab and go breakfasts in the cupboard, I have mug shots in for a quick and easy lunch or snack, my son loves a microwave burger 🤢 (but he has to buy these himself with that pocket money I mentioned). Sometimes we eat junk food, sometimes we get a take away, we usually eat home cooked meals!

So if you have concerns about neglect, then do something about that, if not, leave her be

Are you getting £600 a month and spending every penny of it on your children ? It’s hilarious that you think your ex should pay your mortgage and bills…, they are your bills not the children !
fyi- no bus pass , I pay all football club money on top, I pay hair cuts. I think the answer is to tell her I’m not paying anything other than child maintenance. Let her manage the extras out it. Sorted 

swingaloo

Sprinter24sharp said:

Singlemummy_2 said:

Presumably she’s paying for the house rent/mortgage and bills that they are living in, she is providing food, even though you’re not happy with it, do they do clubs etc, they cost money, lunch money for school, or school dinners.

But if you need to know,.,then presumably it goes similar to mine….

The maintenance I receive for my children goes into my bank account along with my wage and I spend it as I see fit month by month on all of the bills (which have gone up), food (which has gone up!), pocket money, nipping into the shop and picking up treats, bus pass for my oldest, hair cuts, weekly dance class, weekly cooking classes (and the extras such as equipment / clothing needed for these), diesel, - oh it’s half term this week so extra food, days out etc, non uniform days/charity collection at school £1 here and there, last week it was buying and taking chocolate into school for non uniform day, the week before buying and taking something else into school for a tombola. I’ve taken the week off work this week but if I had not i would be paying for holiday clubs…oh I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and I get my nails done monthly, I even sometimes go out when the kids are with their dad *shock horror*

I buy cereal, they eat it, buy the same cereal the week after, they no longer like it, I have breakfast bars and grab and go breakfasts in the cupboard, I have mug shots in for a quick and easy lunch or snack, my son loves a microwave burger 🤢 (but he has to buy these himself with that pocket money I mentioned). Sometimes we eat junk food, sometimes we get a take away, we usually eat home cooked meals!

So if you have concerns about neglect, then do something about that, if not, leave her be

Are you getting £600 a month and spending every penny of it on your children ? It’s hilarious that you think your ex should pay your mortgage and bills…, they are your bills not the children !
fyi- no bus pass , I pay all football club money on top, I pay hair cuts. I think the answer is to tell her I’m not paying anything other than child maintenance. Let her manage the extras out it. Sorted 

My God, she is housing your children. You seem to have no idea at all. I hope your children don't feel the resentment oozing from you.

In reality you only need to pay the minimum maintenance so you don't need to hand over any more than that. Perhaps that's the answer to your problem then you won't need to worry about what they are being fed. Poor children being stuck in the middle of this.

You came on here to ask for advice yet you don't seem to grasp that you are  looking at this completely the wrong way. You sound very bitter.

Singlemummy_2

I’m pretty sure somewhere you said she works and so I’m guessing that the maintenance goes into the household pot along with that and is spent as required - and yes that does include on the bills.

I absolutely don’t expect my ex to pay my mortgage and bills but my total household income includes the maintenance and from that total income out comes the mortgage payments and the rest of it. And yes the maintenance (and more) goes into the children. If I didn’t have children I would be in a much smaller house with smaller bills! 

However you don’t seem to get it, you just see that you are paying an amount and not happy that you aren’t getting a receipt for each payment 

You can decide what you pay and if the MINIMUM (as per the child maintenance calculations) is all you think your children are worth paying for then that’s on you. 

Out of interest, exactly what is the spending breakdown you feel is acceptable?