Possible family breakdown advice

Savvy_Sue

I have to say that one of the saddest breakups I saw was when the wife decided she'd had enough, but didn't want to say so, because she was giving the husband one last chance to redeem himself over a weekend away. I encouraged her to TELL him how she was feeling but no, if he wasn't bright enough to notice, tough luck. 

Meanwhile HE thought everything in the garden was lovely, had no idea he was 'on trial' over that weekend, and he wasn't receptive to me gently suggesting that she might not be as deliriously happy as he was (I exaggerate slightly) so he might want to explore this with her while they were away.  

They had a VERY lively toddler, who I'm sure factored into this situation. She thought she'd be happier as a single mum: she didn't seem to know any, and I gently suggested that the reason for that might be a combination of not being able to go out without the child(ren), lack of finance, and sheer exhaustion. That if she thought married parenthood was hard work, single parenthood wasn't going to be a picnic either. 

Of course the brown stuff hit the fan, and while he'd have liked to go to counselling, try and sort things out etc, she had already mentally 'checked out'. 

Perhaps the best 'offer' which can be made in such situations is an apology for whatever failings one is seen to be guilty of, and a determination to put the best interests of the children FIRST, LAST and everywhere in between. With teeth gritted where necessary. 

TBagpuss

AS others have said, just becaue he doesn't want them to split up doesn't mean it won't happen.

He can speak to Relate and they will see him onhs own if she won't go. It can also be helpful even if they / one of them has no inerest in a reconciliation, it may help them to identify and work on difficult areas so they can manage to communicae more effecitvely with each other , co-parent their childnren moving forward etc. 

If she is clear that the marraige is over then the next stage is o try to manage as amicable split as possible.
Finacially, all assets, including any in either partuies sole name, go into the pot. Htye will then need o agree, or the court will decide, how that pot is to be split, taking into account their respective needs, the nedds of th chidlnre, their respective incomes and earning capacities etc. 

While a court will usually start by looking at an equal aplit, they they have to conider whether that d fair r if it needs to be adjuted - for example, it may well be fair forthe capital to be split unequally with the wife having a larger proporation, becasue her incomeand earning capacity are lower, so she will likely have a smaller borroing capacity, need a bigger depost to buy a property (or stay put) etc.

Where the childnre live is also relvant - if they remain with mum, her housing needs will be greater - the 1 yo will be able to decide where they want to live, the younger child's views will be importnat if no necessarily the decisive factor. 

While your brother may want to stay in the hosue that may not necessarily be practical - if his wife wishes to stay there and the childnre want to remain with her, then a court would likely look at how that could be managed . There's no presumption that children should stay in the same house as they have been living in but the need for them to be securely housed is one ofthe highest priorities. 

Short term, his best move is to see whether she would be open to going to relate , with the clear  expectation that this would be focus as much on trying to work together to keep any split on good terms, as to explore any possibilities for a reconciliation, and that he should laso speak to a solicitor whio is a member of Resolution, if/qhwn it becomes clear that the marriage is over. 

elsien

@TBagpuss, either you've been on the wine or your keyboard is on the blink. One year olds tend not to be able to decide where they live. 
I'm guessing your voice assistant is doing its own thing?

TBagpuss

elsien said:

@TBagpuss, either you've been on the wine or your keyboard is on the blink. One year olds tend not to be able to decide where they live. 
I'm guessing your voice assistant is doing its own thing?

Ha, no, fat fingers + dyslexia. should be 11 year old