helping elderly relatives with health issues - lessons learned

Malthusian

elsien said:

If the children have health and welfare LPA then the hospital must contact them or raise concerns with the OPG. They can't just ignore the LPA and ask other people to make decisions.

Quite, this is exactly the kind of chaotic "common sense solution" that the LPA system was supposed to put an end to. What other data breaches (and other errors) are the hospital committing because it makes life slightly more convenient for them?

If the decisions are life-and-death the hospital would be making them themselves, and if they are not they can wait for the people the patient legally empowered to make the decision. 

What_time_is_it

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

Sea_Shell

What_time_is_it said:

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

I agree.   But it's hard for them when every piece of paper seems to hold a memory.

My mum was "trying" to have a clear out, but wanted to keep so much.

They find a reason to keep everything.

The most you can hope for is some organisation into categories.

Medical 
Financial 
Holidays
Family 


I'm pretty ruthless and am quite minimalist, but I probably have too much paperwork, compared to the digital generation.   But it's very organised 😉

bunnygo

entirely understand - the whole system assumes a local advocate who can spend all day in hospital!

As well as the LPA (remember you need both of them) it's worth doing an advance decision which goes to the GP. That's free and gives you some control regarding resuscitation etc. Default is 'do whatever is possible', as it should be.

I've no idea what happens to those of us without descendants.

What_time_is_it

Sea_Shell said:

What_time_is_it said:

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

I agree.   But it's hard for them when every piece of paper seems to hold a memory.

My mum was "trying" to have a clear out, but wanted to keep so much.

They find a reason to keep everything.

The most you can hope for is some organisation into categories.

Medical 
Financial 
Holidays
Family 


I'm pretty ruthless and am quite minimalist, but I probably have too much paperwork, compared to the digital generation.   But it's very organised 😉

You're quite right. There can be emotional attachments to all sorts of things. But don't get me started on all the clocks! Why do pensioners have so many clocks?! And what's going to happen to them all in the next couple of decades? Do we have enough landfill space?

elsien

What_time_is_it said:

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

Parent is indeed decluttering. Unfortunately this seems to primarily involve trying to get me/other children to have it in our homes instead. 
Have had to be more assertive with the refusals, whilst trying hard not to say "over my dead body is that coming in to my house." 

Savvy_Sue

What_time_is_it said:

Sea_Shell said:

What_time_is_it said:

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

I agree.   But it's hard for them when every piece of paper seems to hold a memory.

My mum was "trying" to have a clear out, but wanted to keep so much.

They find a reason to keep everything.

The most you can hope for is some organisation into categories.

Medical 
Financial 
Holidays
Family 


I'm pretty ruthless and am quite minimalist, but I probably have too much paperwork, compared to the digital generation.   But it's very organised 😉

You're quite right. There can be emotional attachments to all sorts of things. But don't get me started on all the clocks! Why do pensioners have so many clocks?! And what's going to happen to them all in the next couple of decades? Do we have enough landfill space?

Because it's easier to tell the time from a clock on the wall than from your watch, which may be too small to read without finding your glasses, even supposing you remembered to put it on.

I have a clock visible from anywhere I sit regularly. 

(I also have multiple wall calendars. Sorry boys, I inherited that habit from.your granddad, who was in printing and was always given lots.)

Savvy_Sue

elsien said:

What_time_is_it said:

The main lesson that I would pass on to others is to encourage your elderly parents to declutter as early as possible. I'm constantly amazed at how much "stuff" the current generation of pensioners have held onto. And it's massively dispiriting for relatives to have to go through it all following a death.

I don't think this will be an issue for future generations as the hoarding of items seems to be a particular trait of the current 70+ crop. It's an issue that not many people speak about but one that is mentally and physically exhausting.

Parent is indeed decluttering. Unfortunately this seems to primarily involve trying to get me/other children to have it in our homes instead. 
Have had to be more assertive with the refusals, whilst trying hard not to say "over my dead body is that coming in to my house." 

I was fortunate that my mother never came to my house, so any 'dead body' items could be graciously accepted, then disposed of.

pollypenny

This 70+ woman is continually decluttering and trying to persuade OH  to do the same. Trouble is, books keep coming back and daughter passes on more.