Should I ask that my brother in law pays a share towards holiday accommodation?

SHC33

Spendless said:

What's BIL's situation eg is he a 17yo at sixth form and only a w/end job as income or an adult working f-time?  

He's in his forties. Owns his own home

Flugelhorn

No, he shouldn't pay

Just let him come along and hope he does a big shop or pays for some meals out. sometimes not fretting about payment now can pay dividends in the future

Pollycat

SHC33 said:

The 3 Yr old can sleep with us in our room on a travel bed  

Would the child have its own room if the BIL doesn't come? 
It's your holiday - why would you compromise? 

Do you plan on doing much cooking during the holiday? 
Would your BIL pull his weight or would he expect you to do the majority of the work? 
Would he expect you to do all food shopping - and foot the bill?
And cook? 
And wash up? 
And make his bed? 

Really - exactly what is his reason for inviting himself?

Spendless

Why does BIL want to come? I mean he might be family orientated, not have any of his own and wants to spend time with ageing parents and his extended family or he might just be a free loader who has spotted a freebie.

My guess is that you are paying for the holiday cottage in total and Grandparents aren't contributing to the cost and fair enough as I suspect they'll provide some babysitting whilst you and husband can go out. This is why your DH sees it as 'it's the same cost regardless' whereas have you noticed BIL free-loading before and it's not noticed by your ILs? 

sheramber

When he asked to come too  i would have replied, "yes, if you pay your share

That puts the ball back in nhis court.

".

74jax

Yes, he should pay

As the balance is due, I'd simply send a group message - balance needs paying this week, can you all transfer me xxx please. 

I'm away in a few weeks and booked it. To start it was 4 of us, then 1 said they'd bring their partner, so it was very simple, split 5 ways not 4.

Pollycat

74jax said:

As the balance is due, I'd simply send a group message - balance needs paying this week, can you all transfer me xxx please. 

I'm away in a few weeks and booked it. To start it was 4 of us, then 1 said they'd bring their partner, so it was very simple, split 5 ways not 4.

I'm not sure that this is the arrangement here. 
I took it that the OP may be paying for the parents.

silvercar

Pollycat said:

74jax said:

As the balance is due, I'd simply send a group message - balance needs paying this week, can you all transfer me xxx please. 

I'm away in a few weeks and booked it. To start it was 4 of us, then 1 said they'd bring their partner, so it was very simple, split 5 ways not 4.

I'm not sure that this is the arrangement here. 
I took it that the OP may be paying for the parents.

Then OP needs to say, we are treating our parents, so your share is XX, unless you want to chip in for parents and so your share will be YY.

Pollycat

silvercar said:

Pollycat said:

74jax said:

As the balance is due, I'd simply send a group message - balance needs paying this week, can you all transfer me xxx please. 

I'm away in a few weeks and booked it. To start it was 4 of us, then 1 said they'd bring their partner, so it was very simple, split 5 ways not 4.

I'm not sure that this is the arrangement here. 
I took it that the OP may be paying for the parents.

Then OP needs to say, we are treating our parents, so your share is XX, unless you want to chip in for parents and so your share will be YY.

Off course that's what the OP needs to say.
And I'm surprised that it wasn't said when the BIL asked to join the party.