Partner suggested a joint account for bills, but is now struggling with the loss of a sense of contr

purpl3sky

My fiancé is pretty unsophisticated in money matters.

He has has exactly 1 current account that he has never changed since his Mum opened it for him when he was 16-18 and 1 credit card that he pays interest on (FML).

Yesterday, we were talking about how to manage our finances, once married and we decided to go the blended route (I.e. a joint account for bills and then a personal account each). 

I have looked this morning and as a nationwide member, we could get a cool £200 if we switched to a new account at Nationwide. 

I proposed this to my fiancé, and he asked if he'd have to close his account. When I replied in the affirmative, he got all quiet (which he does when he's thinking through something).

He then said that he wasn't sure how to tell his job and how long they'd take to make the switch for his pay (local government).

I pointed out that he could open a new account from his current bank and then switch that, so that he doesnt have to change his bank details witg his job.

He then looked confused and upset, which is partly because he doesn't really want to share a bank account I think, ehich is understandabke.

He's been taken advantage of by family members in the past. I, on the other hand, have received probs over £800 switching accounts, and as we gear up to pay for the wedding in January, we could really so with a nice free injection of cash. 

How do I soothe his fears?

Shakin_Steve

Looking at it from outside, it's £200 versus your partners sense of security. I would forego the £200 but, of course, that's only my point of view. Maybe once you're actually married, a joint account in the same name (assuming you're taking his name) might make him feel better about the situation.

mark_cycling00

Ideally you need this sorted to have a successful marriage but it will be a difficult challenge.

Remember that it's impossible for you to fully understand what's it's like to have been taken advantage of by primary care givers. Your partner might get mild panic attacks, trauma etc when there's a threat of loss of control over his life.

He won't know how to talk about it either as he probably hasn't had counselling. 

The worst you can do is have an argument about something he says like "what about my Amazon orders" and think "silly partner" when what he really wants to say is "when you ask me to move my money it reminds me of the past, I get a sinking feeling and want to run away and hide" or something like that.

Maybe do it gradually. Conquering trust issues might be more important long-term than getting £200 now.

Good look. There are always good book out that can help

fatbelly

Stick with your own accounts for now. You switch yours if you want to. Some people don't have a problem doing this, some do. It's not a deal breaker.

What would concern me more is him running with a balance on his credit card and paying maybe 30% interest. How would he feel about a 0% Balance transfer card?

xylophone

He is a Nationwide member? Or you are?

Can you not switch a sole account to get the £200 and then add him to your sole account after you are married?

Rob5342

Having a joint account and getting switching bonuses are two completely separate things. One or both of you could switch accounts to get bonuses if you wanted to, and you can have a joint account with or without switching. Some people mistakenly believe thst switching is quite a big deal when it's quite  a trivial task these days - 10 minutes on the app to open the account amd and an email to HR to gibe them the new details.

You don't have to have a joint account, there are various ways to manage things. Why not just settle on one you are both happy with and see how it goes, and adjust it if things dont work. My wife and I have gone from two individual accounts to a single joint account to a joint account with two separate accounts as we went through various stages of our life. 

Jami74

Let him keep his sole account that he's had forever. 
You could suggest he open a second account with his current account for a possible future switch, but some people simply cannot get their heads around it (I have family members like this. It took 2 years to finally persuade my partner that nothing bad would happen if he switched a burner account for some free money).
New joint account with Nationwide or whoever you choose, maybe once he gets used to accessing a second account and is used to their app he may be more amenable of switching his spare account.

RAS

He may feel naive and scared because he doesn't understand what's going on. Quite simple financial stuff may just freak him out given his previous experiences or concern that his lack of understanding makes him vulnerable. And that deters him from exploring, so he's in a vicious cycle

Rather than go off and research yourself, encourage him to learn how to do that. Even if it's only looking for insurance or something like that. MSE is also good place for him to look, maybe suggest he signs up for the email? Then studiously ignore it until he mentions something. If it's half way sensible, suggest he implements it. 

Bigwheels1111

It’s hard to help those who you believe need help and encourage but are unwilling to change.
Im a career for my best friend, they only did cash and benefits paid to post office card.
Then withdrew it in cash every time.
I got fed up collecting the cash every 2 weeks.
Plus asking for cash every time they wanted shopping etc.
They hid it under the mattress, very cliche I know.
We had a long talk over around a month.
I explained the benefits, bonuses, cashback and ease of payments online.
Eventually agreed.
They don’t want benefits paid into the account as believe they are being spied on, l know but what can you do.
So I went down the route of getting benefits paid to my account and the transfer it to their account.
As I deal with housekeeping budget and bills I opened a separate account for this, they can view it whenever they want.
As have login details.

Keeping finances hidden from each other is not a good sign. Never ends well.
Nor would I link my finances as one can bring the other one down with them.
Hidden debts etc will kill a marriage.

easyasonetwothree

I would forget about the switching bonus as that puts a time pressure on the whole thing. As nice as £200 free cash would be!

I'm assuming that you usually pay the bills out of your own account and he sends you half? If that's the case, I'd suggest opening a joint account which is just for those bills. He can send his half to that account instead of yours, and you send your half and set up the direct debits from there instead. Then he can see the bills are being paid and he's no worse off. Gradually he can move the bills that he pays, then any other joint money for groceries etc in time. 

ZeroSum

The whole things moot anyway since you can't switch sole accounts into a joint one.

Some banks also require you to have a sole account first before being able to have a joint account.

Personally I'd just open a joint bills account (probably santander since you get the cashback although the new one isn't as lucrative as the 123 accounts). If any banks offer a referral payment (Co op & chase have previously done this) maybe try that for partner to open a new account to earn a few quid as a starter.