Taking child's friend on holiday

Savvy_Sue

annabanana82 said:

Savvy_Sue said:

annabanana82 said:

Savvy_Sue said:

At 16, you certainly need to discuss what the teens can do on their own, rather than expecting them to be under your direct supervision 24/7 ...

Yes, I had expected they'd have a lot more freedom than being with us 24/7. Thankfully they are both quite sensible and family oriented so wouldn't have too many concerns about them up to mischief or drinking. 

Yes, but there will be BOYS. All bets are off when there are BOYS! 

(I only had boys, which was a relief in some ways when they hit their teens, and they were not really typical boys, but there were lots of discussions about how to behave when out with your mates!) 

My sons are sensible, it's the Daughter I've had to worry about she can be a nightmare. There are some of his friends I wouldn't entertain taking but, my Son and his friend are like two old men. 

Ah, for some reason I thought we were talking about girls. Yes, two sensible boys sounds much safer ... with all the reminders about safety, sticking together, and observing local laws and customs. 

(DS3 once phoned DS1 to say that rather than staying for a sleepover, he was walking home across the city, through some of the liveliest areas, at 11 pm, with his friend, so please don't let Mum lock the front door. One had hair down to his waist, the other was small and elfin-looking. They were lovely kids, and I could just see them strolling along head to head, practically hand in hand ... Fortunately I'd heard DS1's side of the conversation and asked him what was going on, at which point I phoned DS3 and said that most emphatically they were NOT walking home, and directed them to a safer route where I could pick them up!)

Grumpy_chap

Savvy_Sue said:

At 16, you certainly need to discuss what the teens can do on their own, rather than expecting them to be under your direct supervision 24/7 ...

For teenagers, the OP needs to agree with the other parents what type of restrictions / constraints will be acceptable in the event of the two of them behaving in a manner that falls below the standard required.  
You also need to explain to both the teenagers that the whole thing is a privilege for them and, for your own son, that you will hold him vicariously liable for the behaviour of his friend (or, put another way, they both best behave else you'll be applying restrictions / constraints on your son regardless that is was the other lad "wot done it").

Jemma01

annabanana82 said:

What's best practice on this? Getting to the point where our youngest is on their own coming on holiday with us, and they'd probably prefer to take a friend. 
Now as this is doing us a favour and a benefit to my child I'd be happy to pay for them. However, if my child was invited then I wouldn't be comfortable having another parent paying for them.
We've known the parent a long time, but no idea what their finances would be like and if it would be affordable.

I find this rather odd. You're taking their child purely for the entertainment of your child. Why wouldn't you pay for everything? Whether they feel comfortable or not around payment, is irrelevant. The actual question should be "Should I be taking someone else's child with me, and what are the risks and consequences if that child breaks a leg, or drowns, or has a serious injury, would I be accused of negligence for the behaviour of a 16 year old child?"

If someone wants to take my child on holiday to keep their child entertained, I'd expect them to pay for everything including his meals, because I don't know how cheap or expensive the restaurant they choose would be. Last thing, I'd want my child to be worrying about if he can afford their restaurants or not, or have to eat less than them, because that's all his money can stretch to. This also includes actual activities your child will be going on. My child shouldn't have to watch your kid on rides because his pocket money doesn't cover. The only thing financially related to agree is what pocket money you will give your child, and that their child should have the same from them, so both kids are equal financially as they're likely to go off and do their own things. Family activities should be covered by you, and not have my child questioned if he can or can't afford it. No one should talk finances to my child.

If you're going to take someone else's child, you should be prepared to cover absolutely everything you'll be paying for your child, aside from a pocket money.

strawb_shortcake

Jemma01 said:

annabanana82 said:

What's best practice on this? Getting to the point where our youngest is on their own coming on holiday with us, and they'd probably prefer to take a friend. 
Now as this is doing us a favour and a benefit to my child I'd be happy to pay for them. However, if my child was invited then I wouldn't be comfortable having another parent paying for them.
We've known the parent a long time, but no idea what their finances would be like and if it would be affordable.

I find this rather odd. You're taking their child purely for the entertainment of your child. Why wouldn't you pay for everything? Whether they feel comfortable or not around payment, is irrelevant. The actual question should be "Should I be taking someone else's child with me, and what are the risks and consequences if that child breaks a leg, or drowns, or has a serious injury, would I be accused of negligence for the behaviour of a 16 year old child?"

If someone wants to take my child on holiday to keep their child entertained, I'd expect them to pay for everything including his meals, because I don't know how cheap or expensive the restaurant they choose would be. Last thing, I'd want my child to be worrying about if he can afford their restaurants or not, or have to eat less than them, because that's all his money can stretch to. This also includes actual activities your child will be going on. My child shouldn't have to watch your kid on rides because his pocket money doesn't cover. The only thing financially related to agree is what pocket money you will give your child, and that their child should have the same from them, so both kids are equal financially as they're likely to go off and do their own things. Family activities should be covered by you, and not have my child questioned if he can or can't afford it. No one should talk finances to my child.

If you're going to take someone else's child, you should be prepared to cover absolutely everything you'll be paying for your child, aside from a pocket money.

I thought I'd stated clearly that I'd pay for everything for the other child! I did state that if my child was invited I'd feel obligated to contribute towards the trip as I know I can afford it. For the time we'd be away I'd treat the child as my own. 
Beyond the financials, I'm more content having travelled overseas with young people in a voluntary setting previously.

Spendless

Years ago on here my child (lot younger than yours was about 10 at the time)  was invited to go on hol with her friend and family. I didn't contribute to the hol as it was booked and paid for without anything mentioned to me (Caravan hol in England so a set price) and later when my DD was initially asked if she'd like to go too it was for a date we already had a commitment for  that couldn't be changed., so she wasn't going to be able to go.  Later the caravan owner realised he'd double booked by accident  my daughter's friends hol date got changed and was a date DD could now go on.

I started a thread because though I had given some money to the friend's Mum to cover some expenses for food/excursions I'd also given money to my DD (so she had her own cash if buying ice-creams etc)  but my DD told me her friend's Mum had made an odd comment about 'so where is your money x' to her own DD and I asked on here if anyone could shed any light on where I'd possibly gone wrong unwittingly.

I mention it because at the time I attracted several replies saying I should have contributed to the caravan costs because my DD went. I didn't agree and still don't, the booking was made without my knowledge, DD asked afterwards and initially couldn't go until a chance change of date came about. I'm just making you aware regardless of whether you were to pay or ask, someone will tell you that you are wrong.

Anyway my tuppenyworth, I'd just invite the boy along say the hol is on you and will be AI/Half-board/SC whatever it is and just say he'd just need some spending money for x, y, z

strawb_shortcake

Spendless said:

Years ago on here my child (lot younger than yours was about 10 at the time)  was invited to go on hol with her friend and family. I didn't contribute to the hol as it was booked and paid for without anything mentioned to me (Caravan hol in England so a set price) and later when my DD was initially asked if she'd like to go too it was for a date we already had a commitment for  that couldn't be changed., so she wasn't going to be able to go.  Later the caravan owner realised he'd double booked by accident  my daughter's friends hol date got changed and was a date DD could now go on.

I started a thread because though I had given some money to the friend's Mum to cover some expenses for food/excursions I'd also given money to my DD (so she had her own cash if buying ice-creams etc)  but my DD told me her friend's Mum had made an odd comment about 'so where is your money x' to her own DD and I asked on here if anyone could shed any light on where I'd possibly gone wrong unwittingly.

I mention it because at the time I attracted several replies saying I should have contributed to the caravan costs because my DD went. I didn't agree and still don't, the booking was made without my knowledge, DD asked afterwards and initially couldn't go until a chance change of date came about. I'm just making you aware regardless of whether you were to pay or ask, someone will tell you that you are wrong.

Anyway my tuppenyworth, I'd just invite the boy along say the hol is on you and will be AI/Half-board/SC whatever it is and just say he'd just need some spending money for x, y, z

Thank you @Spendless it does feel the most pragmatic way to go about it, in my mind they would only need money for gifts they wanted to take back. I'm used to paying for 5 on holiday anyway, so for 4 it's still a saving for me plus my Son's holiday would be enhanced by having his friend there. 
My only little doubt was that if one of my children were invited away that I'd feel the need to offer a contribution.