Should I ask my ex to refund the cost of our daughters holiday

Sam7415

Hi ,thank you all for comments,I've not asked her father for a penny,(towards holiday) he pays the bare min child maintenance( which if fine)the reason there has been no contact was due to domestic abuse,and when our daughter came back from a visit with him she told me she was scared and didn't want to go again,so visits etc were stopped, because no court order was in place I was advised this was ok( there were numerous other situations he put our daughter in which I think were unsafe),I've now been informed he cannot provide a "wet signature because of his finances," its just more delaying tactics,now its "shes not allowed round people that smoke /drink,"and the family im going with he wants dbr? Checked,tbf,yes you could argue he doesn't have much time(approx apr-june)just to sign a document,I certainly won't be recommending doing things legally,it's bizarre to me that any parent would stop their child having these experiences,she's just finished her Sat's,and doing really well at school,her health is fine,
So would it be fair to ask for him to pay for the cost of our daughter not going?

Danien

It sounds like he's being deliberately controlling. You can tell him he'll be liable for cost of holiday if he refuses at short notice, but I doubt it will help. I think you need to get everything formalised legally, you can't let him play these games and ruin his daughter's enjoyment of a holiday.

I would also say that a dbr is not relevant and not something he can ask for - she is in your care not theirs. If you were going on holiday with the same family in this country, you wouldn't even need his permission. If your daughter was going to their house to play with their child you wouldn't need his permission. And if everyone will smoke outdoors then that is a non issue as well. And no one can require your daughter can't be around people who drink alcohol - unless this is coming from a religious perspective- for instance Muslims and Mormons to name two religions who have strict rules around alcohol.

I really do think you need urgent legal advice at this point. This type of controlling is another form of abuse. Get everything agreed legally so there is no option for him to use these things to continue controlling behaviour.

Sam7415

Hi, thankyou all for your help and comments, the money is not really the issue but if he blocks me taking our daughter then this would pay for a holiday when everything has been sorted legally,the solicitor I have doesn't seem to be great but obviously they have to obey the law,it just guts me he would do this after telling numerous people where we live that he's such a wonderful dad,in the yrs he's not had contact with his daughter has he ever tried to go to the courts for any kind of contact with our daughter, ( apart from getting a dna test)which proved she was his,I do understand why these laws are there,I have other children(not his)who have holidayed with their dad,it's just frustrating that I have to obtain his permission when he's not tried to have any relationship with her,but regularly posts about I'm the bad parent,RANT OVER, I will ask the solicitor about asking him to refund the costs, thankyou all again,I hope this post will help parents in the future with the same problem, will keep you informed of the outcome ,xx

T.T.D

Take her on holiday.

I would force him to take me to court to try and prevent it it’s his money he doesn’t have let him spend it. 

If he hasn’t got finances he isn’t got the money to pay for the holiday he ruined for her so take her enjoy and forget the veiled threats. 

Danien

T.T.D said:

Take her on holiday.

I would force him to take me to court to try and prevent it it’s his money he doesn’t have let him spend it. 

If he hasn’t got finances he isn’t got the money to pay for the holiday he ruined for her so take her enjoy and forget the veiled threats. 

Yep, agree.

Sam7415

Hi all quick update ,the solicitor again has asked for a signature( and said its for their benefit not mine) as her dad stated,he must know that I legally need his signature with permission, holiday getting closer( thurs) not even packed, hardly slept,and just want to burst into tears,I would advise anyone who's in a similar situation,to get legally help before booking,( won't be making this mistake again)my daughter has been pleading with her sisters to message him ( which I totally knew nothing about till after) and had to advise them to stop as it could make him worse, I'm still hoping he offers his daughter an olive branch and let's her go,at least then she would be more likely to want to talk to him again, now I feel guilty for even letting her know about a holiday,the legalisation should change especially if the other parent has not taken steps to have any kind of relationship with their child for yrs, but again thankyou for the comments & advice it gave me some very useful questions to ask my solicitor, 

T.T.D

Ok why has your solicitor been waiting this long knowing there’s a deadline and has not applied for a specific issues order?

Make the application (or don’t) go before a magistrate or district judge and ask for permission to go and supersede his right to refuse as he won’t answer you or his own daughter or others so what makes your solicitor think he will answer them?

Your priority Parent and main decision maker here you need to do what you need to do. 
 

Spendless

Are you absolutely sure you need your ex's permission to take your child on hol?

From the Government website  

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

You can take a child abroad for 28 days without getting permission if a child arrangement order says the child must live with you, unless a court order says you can’t.

Does the above apply to you?  I hope your solicitor has checked the above first and not caused any unnecessary stress or cost.