Husband refuses to equitably share benefit income

Grumpelstiltskin

Whatever your sister does her husband isn't going to be happy, he has no incentive to change and after X number of years he isn't going to change.

She has to make the decision whether she can continue to carry on as things are or is she going to do something.

Have you read this article?

Martin Lewis: Financial abuse, joint accounts and managing money within relationships (moneysavingexpert.com)

ADD 
There is this from Womans Aid.
I'm not sure if my relationship is healthy - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

Muttleythefrog

" I think she would struggle to leave the marriage" - perhaps she needs to consider she is the only one in it barring what a certificate says. There are things said here that suggest he isn't partaking... and has no intention to consider this a union (of equals). The sad reality is many will get stuck in situations like this and find it difficult to get out of... but if his health is deteriorating then it's likely the demands and difficulties she faces will increase... especially if she plays a role of carer or has to take up the slack of a partner who can help less and less with household function. My advice probably would be to start looking at the world out there and opportunities for her future and whether he has a role in that. Otherwise as advised there are some potential practical measures (including say having a joint household account where all benefit incomings go and bills are paid from but where standing orders pay out residual funds to personal accounts of each of you to use as you please - would he agree.. doubt it.. as it is fair and he does not want that) but I do worry she is fighting a losing battle without significant change of circumstances. It doesn't sound like he feels any requirement to change and declining health may reduce any consideration.

InEquality

I agree that the marriage is probably one in name only but the decision to end it would be one for my sister and she’ll have to come to that decision in her own way/time, all I can do atm is support her as best I’m able.
I’ve passed on the various links and have suggested she contact a solicitor to see if there’s anything they can suggest.
Tbh, I’ve never had any dealings with the benefit system but I’m appalled that the DWP still seem to view the husband as the primary person in a marriage and that benefits granted to the wife can be controlled by him.

housebuyer143

InEquality said:

I agree that the marriage is probably one in name only but the decision to end it would be one for my sister and she’ll have to come to that decision in her own way/time, all I can do atm is support her as best I’m able.
I’ve passed on the various links and have suggested she contact a solicitor to see if there’s anything they can suggest.
Tbh, I’ve never had any dealings with the benefit system but I’m appalled that the DWP still seem to view the husband as the primary person in a marriage and that benefits granted to the wife can be controlled by him.

It's probably just a way to make things simpler on joint claims tbh. Most people who are a unit probably have no issues, and they don't just pay it to the man over the woman. 
If she explained the reason she wanted a 50/50 split they will probably do it without much fuss. Just less admin for them to not offer this as standard.

I'm not sure money on a solicitor is worth it because they are not going to be able to force him to share out the money.

Muttleythefrog

InEquality said:

I agree that the marriage is probably one in name only but the decision to end it would be one for my sister and she’ll have to come to that decision in her own way/time, all I can do atm is support her as best I’m able.
I’ve passed on the various links and have suggested she contact a solicitor to see if there’s anything they can suggest.
Tbh, I’ve never had any dealings with the benefit system but I’m appalled that the DWP still seem to view the husband as the primary person in a marriage and that benefits granted to the wife can be controlled by him.

Yeah it's not something I'd thought about but our claim for U/C they seem to treat me (male/married) as the primary claimant when it comes to asking for things to be done for our claim... the payment otherwise is singular to joint account although in elemental terms I would get more as a recipient of LCWRA compared to her Carer.

Agree with above poster though... not sure a lawyer could help unless it is in relation to marital legal matters. At the end of the day how they choose to conduct their personal affairs regarding their money is down to them although it could prove of evidence value in a control/coercion or divorce situation.

Always difficult for a 3rd party like yourself.... you can advise but it's often difficult to listen when you're in a rut of a situation and of course there's all the emotional ties to consider. Hopefully she can find a way through this.... I even wonder if say her having a break at a friend's place for a week or something might jolt him into realising her importance but at the end of the day nobody should have to fight for equality in a relationship. Perhaps she could put it to him they'd get more in benefits if they moved into separate places... that could get him thinking about what she may be thinking and wake him up if he puts such monies above her state of mind.

Danien

Which medical issues make the bills higher?

For instance is he on oxygen?

8dayweek

If he’s 10 years older, but the one getting the IR premiums on his ESA (I’m assuming they’re both getting ESA C, plus his has the IR top-up’s) then it might be sensible for her ESA to be the one with the IR top-up’s - especially if he’s approaching pension age. 

If not, his ESA will end upon reaching State Pension age - plus any associated HB claims etc and then a UC claim would be necessitated for on-going support with Housing Costs. 

If they switch the IR premiums to her, then ESA (and by association HB) remains post SP age with relevant adjustments. 

InEquality

He will reach pension age in about 18 months so you’re correct that his ESA (and the associated premiums) will stop, along with HB.
Can my sister approach DWP and request the premiums be transferred/paid via her ESA or is this likely to flag them both and potentially initiate some sort of reconsideration of their ESA payments? Also, he is unlikely to agree to this so if his permission is sought he’d probably not give it.

Robbie64

All your sister can do is approach the DWP and ask for benefit to be proportioned between the two. This usually means a home visit is required to split payments between the two unless the DWP has now changed the way it goes about splitting payments in this type of case. Unless things have changed since my time of working for the DWP, the usual way of splitting payments was find out who was responsible for household expenses and give the majority of the benefit to that person. I used to do this by giving that person an equivalent to a single person's benefit amount plus all premiums and then pay the remainder to the other person, along with setting a review for 6 months, to possibly do it all again if necessary. The other person would usually end up getting little more than what you could term pocket money.

InEquality

Just a quick update for all those that gave helpful advice: after a terrible week for my sister (and her husband), her ‘withdrawal of labour’ seems to have brought the situation to a head. This, coupled with the presentation of all the income/bills data in black-and-white, have finally convinced him that the situation had to change. They have reached agreement re the equality of payment of all household benefits and all bills will be split 50/50.
Obviously it’s very early days and habits are hard things to break but I think he’s realised that the value of the help he gets on a daily basis far outweighs the sums of money involved.
Thanks again for all the advice, much appreciated.