Advice needed

vanilla

My sister and her fella are hoping to get married this year in cyprus which will set them back about 3000 pounds. They have never been very good about money or their debts.

They lived in a rented 3 bedroom house at 85 pounds a week didn't pay there landlord for a while and the debt went up to just over 1000pounds, they decided to move to a new house where there rent is 105 per week. They promised the last landlord that they would pay him 100 a month until they had it payed (they haven't paid any to him).:eek:
2 weeks ago there present landlord asked them to pay what they owed him (again they fell behind in there rent) and if they didn't pay the 1300 in one week they had to move out, my sisters fella borrowed the money of his boss to cover the 1300 and now owes his boss.

My sister drives about 30 mile a day to and from work and her car is quite old, due for mot in janurary but is unlikely to pass. She thinks she can afford to buy another second hand car eventho they have no savings.:mad:

I've tried talking to them as they came to me for help a year ago but took on no advice, should i say something to her again or should i let them learn for themselvles???

I care about my sister a great deal but she does like to bury her head in the sand. I just don't know what to do for the best and advice would be great as they are calling up tonight. If you think i should talk to them how should i approach it , i'm worried about the debt and the fact she thinks that they can carry on the way they are, i'm worried about her driving the car if it's not safe, i'm worried she'll get a reputation round where she lives about not paying rent.

Sorry these is so long, i'm glad to get it out.

Forgot they also have debt from mobile phones, catalouges all addes up to about 3000 pounds.

MissEyre

It's hard-they are obviously living beyond their means and not repaying their debts, but as many people on here have found, if they are not ready to acknowledge that fully, I don't know how much more you can help them. How about saying to your sister that you are ready to advise her when she is ready to be advised, but don't push it-if they can't see how serious this is, you will just have to wait for them to come to you.

I know it's difficult, but they are lucky that they have you when they are ready to sort themselves out.

Good luck x

vanilla

Thanks MissEyre for the quick reply, i suppose i should just stay out off it but as you say it is so hard.
They know there in dept and know how to fix it but it seems to be all talk and that is as far as they get.

asea

point them in the direction of the DFW forum on here, it might help

BallandChain

Whatever you do Vanilla, do not give them any money. They need to stand on their own two feet and if they continue ignoring advice then let them face the consequences. I know that sounds harsh but how else are they going to learn?

vanilla

Thanks for the advice i have shown them the DFW board but they are not interested.
As for lending money me and hubby lent her money for a deposit for her car insurance last year as she had none for 6 months (needless to say we never got it back) so now we won't lend money, i know that sounds harsh but we really can't afford to.

conradmum

At the end of the day your sister is a grown woman and is responsible for her own life. As long as people keep helping her out she'll never learn.

MissEyre

It is tough, but to lend them money would make the situation worse-also, why lend money when you have already done that, and it hasn't been repaid?

Think it would be great if you could encourage them to read the DFW boards, as another poster said-that way, they could see that being in debt doesn't make you stupid, there are people there from all walks of life, some don't owe anything and some owe £70,000+, and they all want to do something about it.

vanilla

So really i should let her get on with it, i suppose all i can do is be there to help her when she finally relises(sp) how much trouble she's in.

vanilla

I couldn't lend them money anyway and i did tell them after the insurance if it wasn't paid back don't ask to borrow again which they have and i've said no.

consultant31

As the old saying goes "you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". You've done all you can do to help and guide them, but until they see the error of their ways, you're banging your head against a wall.

Keep lines of communication open, but ignore their debt problems - you losing sleep over it won't help at all except to make yourself ill and miserable.

I know someone like this, head firmly buried in the sand, they have to 'unbury' it by themselves - they will get their light bulb moment at some point, hopefully, and then they'll know where to go for guidance.