Setting up a will - children and step children

RM_2013

Husband and I are in our 50’s, married for over 20 years, own a home (mortgaged) and our 2 children live with us (teens one of whom is under 18).

We have life insurance that would pay off the mortgage and leave some spare cash should either my spouse or I die.

We have discussed making a will but a simple mirror will but this wouldn’t work for us as husband has a child from a previous relationship (they were never married).  His child is in their 30’s, married with a child, own house, financially stable etc.

The main points we have raised is that if I am the surviving spouse then everything gets left to me so that I stay in our house etc - this is my husbands wish.

He also feels that his share of our estate (upon my death if I’m the second of us to die) should be spilt 3 ways to include his 3 biological children but my share of the estate should be split between our shared 2 children (my biological children)

I think this is reasonable in principle as step child has never lived with us, is older and financially secure whereas our joint children are younger and still reside with us.

My concern is how would this be split? From reading previous posts it would seem that stating £xxx to child 1 and £xxxx to child 2 and 3 wouldn’t work as depends how long down the line the assets would need to be divided, whether either (or both) of us need any kind of care provision later down the line etc 

so would a % be the usual way to work it out? Also would it be based on 50% or our estate comes from me and 50% from my spouse? The other issue is my share of the overall estate could be greater as I may inherit from my parents whereas my husband will get no inheritance from
his family (his Dad passed several years ago and Mum in a care home - state funded as they were council tenants so no assets) 

My biggest worry would be that we die together and step child insists on selling the family home for his share.  Ideally I’d prefer our children to be able to stay in the family home if needed as they are both still in education presently.

Any thoughts on how best to navigate this.  Or anything I haven’t considered?

We haven’t discussed with any of the children and realise we probably need to discuss our intentions but it’s such a difficult subject to broach 

Thanks in advance 

RAS

Sever the tenancy, and get wills written leaving your half to your biological children, with an IPDI trust leaving the other the right to live in the house. You might both include a clause leaving your other assets to the survivor, but if you are the survivor, they are split 50:50, half between bio children and half between all children.

Not sure this would fully work but a solicitor could work it out. I know a case where half the assets were split between bio children and half between all children of deceased and their deceased spouse.

Keep_pedalling

The solicitor you use will be able to cover this as it is all fairly standard stuff these days. While you are thinking about this also get lasting powers of attorney in place. A partner losing mental capacity through accident or illness can leave you in a more difficult situation than them dying.

Brie

I think it is different in Scotland but I have heard of cases in England where the husband has died and his will specifies everything to wife with the proviso that when she pops off the the older step child gets a portion.  She agreed at the time of making their joint wills but a few years later changed hers to state everything to just their children cutting the stepson out completely.  Basically at this point her assets are hers to do with as she wishes.

Obviously if she needs the money for her care then that's everyone getting nothing and I don't think anyone can argue with that.   

Savvy_Sue

Which of you is older? If you die 'together' then inheritance proceeds on the assumption that eldest dies first. Does that help?

Solicitor will definitely know how to do this. STEP solicitor might be sensible.

doodling

Hi,

Brie said:

I think it is different in Scotland but I have heard of cases in England where the husband has died and his will specifies everything to wife with the proviso that when she pops off the the older step child gets a portion.  She agreed at the time of making their joint wills but a few years later changed hers to state everything to just their children cutting the stepson out completely.  Basically at this point her assets are hers to do with as she wishes.

Obviously if she needs the money for her care then that's everyone getting nothing and I don't think anyone can argue with that.   

If that is what was done then in that case the will was written by an idiot.

The solution proposed by RAS makes sure that the children get what is intended (assuming that the majority of the marital assets are tied up in the house) without the possibility that either spouse changing their will could prevent it.  It also has the side effect that care costs can only ever be claimed against that person's half of the house (and other rules mean that most likely it will be the second to die whose estate will bear any costs at all).

Talking this through with a step qualified solicitor will almost certainly give a solution.

pinkshoes

This needs to be done carefully!

I know someone whose mum re-married after her husband died. The man she married had 2 daughters (so her step daughters). The mum made it clear to her husband that she wanted all her (very expensive - family heirloom) jewellery to go to her biological son (only child) one day, so that it could be passed down to a female grandchild. 

She died, the husband inherited everything, but once he passed away, his will had never been changed and left everything to his two daughters who unfortunately refused to hand over anything and kept it all, jewellery included! 

It's all very well making these wills, but you need to factor in the other person might re-marry then pass away.

Malthusian

pinkshoes said:

I know someone whose mum re-married after her husband died. The man she married had 2 daughters (so her step daughters). The mum made it clear to her husband that she wanted all her (very expensive - family heirloom) jewellery to go to her biological son (only child) one day, so that it could be passed down to a female grandchild. 

This is even more baffling than the usual scenario where biological children miss out on an estate after the whole lot goes to the spouse.

Unless she wanted the husband to be able to dress up in her pearls, she didn't need the husband to do anything - she could have written a Will herself to leave the jewellery to her son. 

It is slightly more forgivable when the first to die leaves their assets to their spouse because the spouse needs them to live in or off. 

Sea_Shell

Malthusian said:

pinkshoes said:

I know someone whose mum re-married after her husband died. The man she married had 2 daughters (so her step daughters). The mum made it clear to her husband that she wanted all her (very expensive - family heirloom) jewellery to go to her biological son (only child) one day, so that it could be passed down to a female grandchild. 

This is even more baffling than the usual scenario where biological children miss out on an estate after the whole lot goes to the spouse.

Unless she wanted the husband to be able to dress up in her pearls, she didn't need the husband to do anything - she could have written a Will herself to leave the jewellery to her son. 

It is slightly more forgivable when the first to die leaves their assets to their spouse because the spouse needs them to live in or off. 

Even then that's a tricky one, as a widowed spouse might not be ready to part with the willed personal effects, especially jewellery, if its a strong reminder of that person. 

The last thing you might want is feeling that they are being 'taken' from you, whilst you still have an attachment to them, but legally they would have to hand them over.

BabyCubs1

RM_2013 said:

Husband and I are in our 50’s, married for over 20 years, own a home (mortgaged) and our 2 children live with us (teens one of whom is under 18).

We have life insurance that would pay off the mortgage and leave some spare cash should either my spouse or I die.

We have discussed making a will but a simple mirror will but this wouldn’t work for us as husband has a child from a previous relationship (they were never married).  His child is in their 30’s, married with a child, own house, financially stable etc.

The main points we have raised is that if I am the surviving spouse then everything gets left to me so that I stay in our house etc - this is my husbands wish.

He also feels that his share of our estate (upon my death if I’m the second of us to die) should be spilt 3 ways to include his 3 biological children but my share of the estate should be split between our shared 2 children (my biological children)

I think this is reasonable in principle as step child has never lived with us, is older and financially secure whereas our joint children are younger and still reside with us.

My concern is how would this be split? From reading previous posts it would seem that stating £xxx to child 1 and £xxxx to child 2 and 3 wouldn’t work as depends how long down the line the assets would need to be divided, whether either (or both) of us need any kind of care provision later down the line etc 

so would a % be the usual way to work it out? Also would it be based on 50% or our estate comes from me and 50% from my spouse? The other issue is my share of the overall estate could be greater as I may inherit from my parents whereas my husband will get no inheritance from
his family (his Dad passed several years ago and Mum in a care home - state funded as they were council tenants so no assets) 

My biggest worry would be that we die together and step child insists on selling the family home for his share.  Ideally I’d prefer our children to be able to stay in the family home if needed as they are both still in education presently.

Any thoughts on how best to navigate this.  Or anything I haven’t considered?

We haven’t discussed with any of the children and realise we probably need to discuss our intentions but it’s such a difficult subject to broach 

Thanks in advance 

I would be very interested to know what the solicitor says if you ever do get it sorted and post an update.  
I know step kids who have had to fight through the courts for the shares they were left as the step mother and her kids didn't want to share, even though a will was in place.  
But I also know people when the father died, the step mother gave them a share then and was free from then on to just leave hers to her biological children. 

RM_2013

just checking back and appreciate all the view points given.  For context husband is older than me albeit only by 6 years.  We’ve still not got around to seeing solicitor but replies have definitely helped with things to think about