Divorce Advice

Random_Idiot69

Hi everyone, Newbie here.

So it looks like my wife and I are going to seperate (and eventually divorce). Nothing final has happened yet but despite my best efforts it looks lik things are petering out.

Anyways to cut a long story short, i am giving myself a deadline of just after xmas, new year. If things havent improved drastically then i will leave.

Soooooo, my question is how can i prepare myself financially for an impending divorce? Is it as simple as putting a little bit away every month?

For clarity, we have one child and i would not be looking to screw my wife over. i still love her but i can see the way things are going. I want to ensure they are both looked after, but i will also need to look after myself.

caprikid1

"Soooooo, my question is how can i prepare myself financially for an impending divorce? Is it as simple as putting a little bit away every month?"

You cannot effectively put a bit away each month as ultimately it will always be both your money. But if you have no savings then you will need money for a deposit etc on somewhere to live. Have you worked out the finances ? Do you both work ? Own your house.

Random_Idiot69

caprikid1 said:

"Soooooo, my question is how can i prepare myself financially for an impending divorce? Is it as simple as putting a little bit away every month?"

You cannot effectively put a bit away each month as ultimately it will always be both your money. But if you have no savings then you will need money for a deposit etc on somewhere to live. Have you worked out the finances ? Do you both work ? Own your house.

That makes a lot of sense, i hadnt thought of it like that. I think its because in my spare time i buy and sell odds & ends for a profit. Thats what i was planning on saving, but i guess thats still half hers?

We havent worked out finances yet as nothing is final and wont be until one of us ends it.

We both work, i am in full time employment, she is self employed and has been for three years.

We own our house, its worth approx 450k and have about 130k left on the mortgage.

AskAsk

as already said, assets are considered joint assets irrespective of whose name it is in.  the only thing you can prepare for is to check that you are able to live on half of your assets and loss of some of your employment income in child maintenance and possible spousal maintenance if her income is too low to support herself.

divorce is expensive, so plan for it like you would a wedding, lol

Stateofart

Have a good think about the property.  Are you going to buy her out?  Is a judge going to rule that she stays in the house with child until 18.  Is she going to buy you out?  Can she even do that?  My first thought is accomodation as these things tend to be the most valuable.  My advice is DO NOT MOVE OUT.  Possession is nine-tenths of the law and if you do that, she'll most likely put the brakes on and stall things, especially if she doesn't want to move.

Kynthia

Hve you tried couples counselling? They could help you repair your marriage but also give you tools to seperate as healthily as possible if things still don't work. 

I know someone who does counselling on zoom so it can fit around work and childcare commitments. 

elsien

Stateofart said:

Have a good think about the property.  Are you going to buy her out?  Is a judge going to rule that she stays in the house with child until 18.  Is she going to buy you out?  Can she even do that?  My first thought is accomodation as these things tend to be the most valuable.  My advice is DO NOT MOVE OUT.  Possession is nine-tenths of the law and if you do that, she'll most likely put the brakes on and stall things, especially if she doesn't want to move.

People on here keep saying that, but that’s really not how things tend to happen. 

Both marital partners have the right to have the assets split according to their needs, and they both need a roof over their heads. So if that means the house has to be sold to do that, that is what happens. Of course, if there are enough assets that one person can keep the house and the other person takes the majority of the rest of the assets that’s another way of doing it, but a blanket “the child can stay in the house till they’re 18” is not accurate. 

Stateofart

elsien said:

People on here keep saying that, but that’s really not how things tend to happen. 

Both marital partners have the right to have the assets split according to their needs, and they both need a roof over their heads. So if that means the house has to be sold to do that, that is what happens. Of course, if there are enough assets that one person can keep the house and the other person takes the majority of the rest of the assets that’s another way of doing it, but a blanket “the child can stay in the house till they’re 18” is not accurate. 

No harm in prepping for every eventuality.  You just never know what will happen.  Before you know it Social Services are involved and he's being asked to leave the house.  Then it's a custody battle, brakes are on and it's five years before things begin to move.

Lavendyr

I would suggest that you plan for a separation first, and work out how things will go financially for you both and with the children in mind. If you can get a sensible plan in place while you are separated, and in different homes, that will help to set the stage for what you both expect when you divorce. If you need to leave, then you will need somewhere that you can have your child visit, and you and your wife will need to agree on how you share time with your child. If things are amicable, that is the best way forward for your child. If things are not amicable, then I think you will need a solicitor. I am assuming in this that your and her first priority is the child. 

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/my-family-involved-private-law-proceedings/resources-help-you-make-arrangements-are-your-childs-best-interests/how-parenting-plan-can-help - try this as a starter

bouicca21

Divorce does not have to be expensive if you can both agree on a financial settlement. It’s using solicitors to argue that leads to costs piling up.  Divorce does however mean a drop in living standards, because you won’t be sharing the bills any more but each paying your own way.

Start by making a list of all the assets, that’s the obvious like the house and savings but also debts, pension pots etc.  Then have the difficult discussions about where you will both live and how you will each manage.   

LightFlare

Nothing to stop you saving some money as cash from your buying and selling.

Have seen this and other things advised on this forum on the many “you go girl, get what you can” threads.