Want to take my Ex to small claims, but counter-claims are threatened

NusNet

Hello, so last June, my partner of 4 years suddenly left me whilst I was abroad in Australia for 6 months. Just one week before hand, I had lent her £600 for her cat’s emergency operation (agreed via text with repayment by the end of summer). I also paid her £385 pounds as my first month’s rent for a house share. I was on a drafted contract for this which would start in July 2023. Well it turns out she delayed signing that contract, let it expire, and made a new one without me. She agreed to repay me the this ~£985 in multiple text messages, inclusive of payment plan schedules etc. I also have an audio recording acknowledging this and copies of all relevant referenced bank statements, draft contracts and receipts.

Now initially payments stalled, I was pretty accommodating and patient. Then around a month later, I get a long email, saying she will not be paying me any of the money saved for me, and implied that she has grounds for counter-claims against me. I’m fairly sure this wouldn’t stand up and is simply an attempt to stop me from pursing her, but I would greatly appreciate some advice on what you all think.

Her claims:

- 1. I should be backdated for the equivalent-storage costs of items I had in her rented house-share, from when I first left to Australia in February, before I collected them in August ~ 22 weeks.

- 2. I should be backdated for utilities and rent in her rented house-share from September 2022 - January 2023. (Was not on the contract, she was lead-tenant)

- 3. I should be backdated 2 months of rent from when we were living together in a different property in 2021-2022. (Was on the contract)

Now my thoughts are as follows: Number 1 seems unreasonable as we were together as a couple when I left for Australia, and the breakup only occurred in late June. I was on a placement that I could not easily leave, and had no home in the UK once she effectively kicked me off the contract at the very last moment before my flight home.
Number 2 is more complicated; during this time I did live with her, but not continually. I covered her food costs, paid solely for her security cameras she wanted installed, and covered the internet costs etc. I actually wanted to be added on to the contract, but she was hesitant to do this.
Her third point is the only one I am concerned about, as we were both on this contract together. She was the head tenant, and rent was only paid directly from one account (hers) each month. She verbally agreed to cover my rent for ~2 months (ironically because she owed me money back then too), and no writing, messages or anything exists of this agreement stipulating I intended to pay her back - it was never a problem until I kept pushing her for the £985. However, I can prove that whilst i was not paying this rent, she was also paying me money back under bank statements of "owed" etc every month.

My ex had BPD, and was fairly abusive over the years. I’m desperate to get this money back, as I feel it’s the only clear-cut money she owes me worth going after.
 Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. This actually almost made me overdrawn in several accounts, as at the time, all of my money was in an Australian bank account. I was foolish, and put up with way to much in hindsight. Is there any recourse I can take, or could she successfully throw my case out? I'm not sure if she is just attempting to scare me away from chasing this.

Finally, thank you very much for reading all of this!!

Hoenir

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

DullGreyGuy

Hoenir said:

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

This would go to the County Court as the OP is claiming a loan hasn't been repaid, Magistrates deal with criminal law mainly with some element of Family and things like unpaid council tax. 

NusNet said:
Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. 

What do you mean "your cards"? As in you had left your debit card back at home and she took it and used it or you had added her as a secondary cardholder so it was a card in her own name but from your account? Why didnt you freeze the cards rather just rely on her following your instructions after she had shown she wasn't listening?



The civil law process allows a defendant to make a counterclaim, there is nothing you can do about that. If they cannot evidence that there were any agreements that you'd be liable then it's likely the counterclaim will be dismissed. 

Sometimes is easier to just put a line under the whole thing and walk away rather than have the backwards and forwards for months or longer as claims logged, directions made, witness statements exchanged, court day etc. 

Hoenir

My typo. Principle is the same. People hate having their time wasted. 

NusNet

DullGreyGuy said:

Hoenir said:

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

This would go to the County Court as the OP is claiming a loan hasn't been repaid, Magistrates deal with criminal law mainly with some element of Family and things like unpaid council tax. 

NusNet said:
Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. 

What do you mean "your cards"? As in you had left your debit card back at home and she took it and used it or you had added her as a secondary cardholder so it was a card in her own name but from your account? Why didnt you freeze the cards rather just rely on her following your instructions after she had shown she wasn't listening?



The civil law process allows a defendant to make a counterclaim, there is nothing you can do about that. If they cannot evidence that there were any agreements that you'd be liable then it's likely the counterclaim will be dismissed. 

Sometimes is easier to just put a line under the whole thing and walk away rather than have the backwards and forwards for months or longer as claims logged, directions made, witness statements exchanged, court day etc. 

Yes, she had it added as a secondary cardholder, so I'm not sure it if would be worth pursing. Supposedly it was a series of mistakes. She of course said she would reimburse me, but this never happened. I didn't freeze it at the time, as I had no suspicion that it would continue to happen, and that she wouldn't pay me back. In hindsight I should have, but it would have killed our relationship when I (incorrectly) thought it was going quite well!

Well for any of her claims, there are no agreements at all which could be referenced to.

That's very true. I do wonder if it is simply worth moving on. Just very frustrating I suppose. 

DullGreyGuy

NusNet said:

DullGreyGuy said:

Hoenir said:

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

This would go to the County Court as the OP is claiming a loan hasn't been repaid, Magistrates deal with criminal law mainly with some element of Family and things like unpaid council tax. 

NusNet said:
Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. 

What do you mean "your cards"? As in you had left your debit card back at home and she took it and used it or you had added her as a secondary cardholder so it was a card in her own name but from your account? Why didnt you freeze the cards rather just rely on her following your instructions after she had shown she wasn't listening?



The civil law process allows a defendant to make a counterclaim, there is nothing you can do about that. If they cannot evidence that there were any agreements that you'd be liable then it's likely the counterclaim will be dismissed. 

Sometimes is easier to just put a line under the whole thing and walk away rather than have the backwards and forwards for months or longer as claims logged, directions made, witness statements exchanged, court day etc. 

Yes, she had it added as a secondary cardholder, so I'm not sure it if would be worth pursing. Supposedly it was a series of mistakes. She of course said she would reimburse me, but this never happened. I didn't freeze it at the time, as I had no suspicion that it would continue to happen, and that she wouldn't pay me back. In hindsight I should have, but it would have killed our relationship when I (incorrectly) thought it was going quite well!

Well for any of her claims, there are no agreements at all which could be referenced to.

That's very true. I do wonder if it is simply worth moving on. Just very frustrating I suppose. 

If she is a secondary cardholder she is authorised to use it... it's why you need to be careful who you give them to as most (if not all) you cannot put inner restrictions on them, at least from the banks point of view. 

Ultimately your choice, if you did issue then its likely mediation would be suggested which may be a better solution than litigation anyway as it's all messy. 

NusNet

DullGreyGuy said:

NusNet said:

DullGreyGuy said:

Hoenir said:

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

This would go to the County Court as the OP is claiming a loan hasn't been repaid, Magistrates deal with criminal law mainly with some element of Family and things like unpaid council tax. 

NusNet said:
Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. 

What do you mean "your cards"? As in you had left your debit card back at home and she took it and used it or you had added her as a secondary cardholder so it was a card in her own name but from your account? Why didnt you freeze the cards rather just rely on her following your instructions after she had shown she wasn't listening?



The civil law process allows a defendant to make a counterclaim, there is nothing you can do about that. If they cannot evidence that there were any agreements that you'd be liable then it's likely the counterclaim will be dismissed. 

Sometimes is easier to just put a line under the whole thing and walk away rather than have the backwards and forwards for months or longer as claims logged, directions made, witness statements exchanged, court day etc. 

Yes, she had it added as a secondary cardholder, so I'm not sure it if would be worth pursing. Supposedly it was a series of mistakes. She of course said she would reimburse me, but this never happened. I didn't freeze it at the time, as I had no suspicion that it would continue to happen, and that she wouldn't pay me back. In hindsight I should have, but it would have killed our relationship when I (incorrectly) thought it was going quite well!

Well for any of her claims, there are no agreements at all which could be referenced to.

That's very true. I do wonder if it is simply worth moving on. Just very frustrating I suppose. 

If she is a secondary cardholder she is authorised to use it... it's why you need to be careful who you give them to as most (if not all) you cannot put inner restrictions on them, at least from the banks point of view. 

Ultimately your choice, if you did issue then its likely mediation would be suggested which may be a better solution than litigation anyway as it's all messy. 

Oh sorry, I misunderstood your question. She wasn't a secondary cardholder in that sense. My card was saved on amazon accounts, user etc, which she used without telling me. Apologies.

I'm willing to forget about the money spent on my card realistically, but it would be nice to get this vet op and rent payment back, and I would imagine I have enough written discussion to strongly support this. 

gwynlas

Sorry but we do not have access to Judge Judy in this country, she is possibly the only recourse you would have had closure from. It is probably best that you are no longer with this person who appears to have manipulative and abused your trust. Just have nothing more to do with her and do not respond to her in any way.

_Penny_Dreadful

NusNet said:

DullGreyGuy said:

NusNet said:

DullGreyGuy said:

Hoenir said:

Don't expect a magistrate to arbitrate between warring ex-partners. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and move on. Relationship breakdown is emotionally charged and extremely raw. Your ex will also have their own story to tell. 

This would go to the County Court as the OP is claiming a loan hasn't been repaid, Magistrates deal with criminal law mainly with some element of Family and things like unpaid council tax. 

NusNet said:
Not sure if I should add this, but whilst I was in Australia, she repeatedly spent money (several £100's) on my cards without my permission, and I also have several messages of me repeatedly asking her not to do this, only for it to happen again. 

What do you mean "your cards"? As in you had left your debit card back at home and she took it and used it or you had added her as a secondary cardholder so it was a card in her own name but from your account? Why didnt you freeze the cards rather just rely on her following your instructions after she had shown she wasn't listening?



The civil law process allows a defendant to make a counterclaim, there is nothing you can do about that. If they cannot evidence that there were any agreements that you'd be liable then it's likely the counterclaim will be dismissed. 

Sometimes is easier to just put a line under the whole thing and walk away rather than have the backwards and forwards for months or longer as claims logged, directions made, witness statements exchanged, court day etc. 

Yes, she had it added as a secondary cardholder, so I'm not sure it if would be worth pursing. Supposedly it was a series of mistakes. She of course said she would reimburse me, but this never happened. I didn't freeze it at the time, as I had no suspicion that it would continue to happen, and that she wouldn't pay me back. In hindsight I should have, but it would have killed our relationship when I (incorrectly) thought it was going quite well!

Well for any of her claims, there are no agreements at all which could be referenced to.

That's very true. I do wonder if it is simply worth moving on. Just very frustrating I suppose. 

If she is a secondary cardholder she is authorised to use it... it's why you need to be careful who you give them to as most (if not all) you cannot put inner restrictions on them, at least from the banks point of view. 

Ultimately your choice, if you did issue then its likely mediation would be suggested which may be a better solution than litigation anyway as it's all messy. 

Oh sorry, I misunderstood your question. She wasn't a secondary cardholder in that sense. My card was saved on amazon accounts, user etc, which she used without telling me. Apologies.

I'm willing to forget about the money spent on my card realistically, but it would be nice to get this vet op and rent payment back, and I would imagine I have enough written discussion to strongly support this. 

File a money claim online then and if your ex counters she counters.

The cards you probably need to forget.  Either you have given her access to your Amazon account by sharing the login credentials or you gave her all your card details to add to get own account and never reported any suspicious activity to the card issuer.

Angelica123

Have you changed all your passwords so that she can no longer use your Amazon account? 

By all means, file your claim and let her file her counterclaim. The question is whether it is really worth the time and expense required to get a resolution. I personally would prefer to accept my losses, learn my lesson for the future, and be happy to cut ties with a toxic ex. 

Stateofart

Sounds like you've got a decent story for all three points.  I would file a claim.  Counterclaims are viewed upon pretty dimly, especially ones made up like storage fees?  Erm...okay, where's the invoice etc. etc. Let her log them and let a judge deem them vindictive.  It costs hardly anything to do a form so I don't think you've got much to lose here.  You've lost nearly a £1k, you'll probably get some back and minus some of her claims.  In my experience, she won't even attend court.