Complicate situation with ex-partner and money she owes me

JaySH

Hi

I am hoping someone can give me some advice. My ex-partner and I split up a couple of years ago. We have one kid whom we split the time 50/50. The last couple of years in terms of making agreements with everything has been a nightmare. I am doing the best I can to get along with her, but I set some boundaries and try to be even with any decisions but she does change her mind about everything or she only thinks about herself.

Going to the point. I lent her some money (under 5k whilst we were together) which she used for the house where we lived (she is the owner) and we had a verbal agreement about this. On top of this I contributed towards rent and bills evenly and pay for other stuff. She always denied to pay me back, although I have emails where she said she will pay me back the money she borrowed around this year, but I can’t remember if I specify how much. As it was money towards a project, I pay at different times (materials, etc) and not sure how much I can prove. (This was whilst we were together)

I don’t want to make things worse for myself but on the other hand I need the money back.

Is it worth going to Courts representing myself to see if I can get some money back?

She hasn't been fair on a few things lately, I have given her many opportunities and options to pay me back but I am afraid she might make my life as hard as  when we split up and I want my kid in a safe environment and being able to enjoy my life without drama and able to ask at least some favours when I need it without her being difficult.

Hope this makes sense.

Many thanks

comeandgo

Honestly?  She has no intention of paying you back and I’m sure she would find a way to make your access and life difficult if you went to court.  I think you just have to move on, no more handing her money unless you know and are happy with it being a gift.

JaySH

comeandgo said:

Honestly?  She has no intention of paying you back and I’m sure she would find a way to make your access and life difficult if you went to court.  I think you just have to move on, no more handing her money unless you know and are happy with it being a gift.

I lent her money whilst we were together. I think you can claim money back even if it is a verbal agreement but I am no expert reason why I am asking for advice.

Tucosalamanca

Even if you were to go to court and win, how do you expect your partner to pay?

Repaying might cause hardship for her and possibly your child too.
It will also contribute to a deteriorating situation with her.

I agree with the above. Write off the money and try to best maintain a relationship with your child.

Court action will not improve your situation.

Hoenir

JaySH said:

Is it worth going to Courts representing myself to see if I can get some money back?

Courts aren't there to provide an arbritration service. Judges rule on points of law. Not hearsay. 

prettyandfluffy

Never lend money to family or friends unless you are ok with it never being repaid, it happens frequently.  I'm afraid you will have to resign yourself to not getting this money back.

BAFE

How much money are we talking about here?  I'm guessing it's in the region of £5k.  So yes, you can take that amount to the small claims court.   You will have to provide evidence that it was a loan.  You CAN say you had a verbal agreement not a written one, but that will weaken your case.  It doesn't cost much to bring a claim to the court, less than £100 I think.

Does she have the money to pay  you back or has it been spent?

Jaguar98

Given your past challenges and her reluctance to repay, it might be advisable to weigh the pros and cons of pursuing legal action, focusing instead on maintaining a positive relationship with your child.

JaySH

I have been trying my best to keep an amicable relationship and try to create an environment where we both can support each other, but it is only working one way.  Also my ex has been spending more money on the house and other costly things, so clearly has got money. I am currently on hold about the idea of going to courts at the moment. The money we are talking about is under 5k. I am a good parent. I have tried my best to keep a healthy relationship but I am emotionally drained of being the only one trying to be fair, reason why only now I have consider going to courts. I regret lending the money, but I learnt the lesson.
Thanks everyone for the advice.