Son moving back home and buying first home

Stateofart

Now he seems to have got all sorts of things into his head, including giving up his (good) job and moving to Japan to teach English, which his girlfriend doesn't want to do.  The latest thing he wants to do is carry on doing his job and try and live in the far east for a year. 

On speaking to him he has admitted that buying a house feels such a big commitment and he is scared he's going to get on the housing ladder and then have nothing but a lifetime of drudgery and routine. 

He's got a point.  Now's the time to do it if he wants to do something exciting.  If I had my time back, I would have preferred to travel straight after uni rather than get settled.  Don't get me wrong, financially I'm sorted, but I am stuck in a deadend job and look forward to retirement to do those things I whish I'd done when I was young.  You sound sensible, but maybe sensible is not for him right now.

lika_86

Is Japan a convenient way out of this relationship? It sounds like your son has doubts about committing to this girl (if he didn't then it wouldn't matter what she made by way of salary, particularly so early in their careers). Maybe this is actually a way of prompting a break up without hopefully too much animosity as they go their separate ways in life. 

Angelica123

elsien said:

Whereas I chose to do the opposite. Used my money for travelling and holidays and bought later in life. 

Yes, it’s a different world now with regards to costs of rent or  house buying but I completely get why he doesn’t want to tie himself down at 26. 

I did the same (well I haven't bought yet but hoping to do so in next year). 

Yes, financially it makes sense to get on property ladder early. But I don't regret travelling or living abroad while I had the life flexibility to do it. It's a lot harder to do once you get tied down with kids and mortgages. 

At 26, he can still quit his job l, go abroad, and get back on the career ladder. He may even be able to get a sabbatical. Better to explore these things while he can then spend the whole time wondering what if. It also doesn't sound like any of his ideas are long-term plans - there's no reason why he and his gf couldn't go long distance if she doesn't want to follow him. 

It's perfectly reasonable to support him doing whatever he wants but to set some boundaries re how much longer he can stay at your house for. 

AnnikaJuarez

OP, I'm sorry to say it to you. But it seems like your son has issues with commitments. Moving to Japan is a big step, and teaching people English there seems easy in the first place. But to stay there legally requires a lot of paperwork. One of my peers was just way too lazy to find a decent job in the UK and wanted to take the easier path. But after 3 months they came back with no money because they spent a lot there. Yes, buying your own place is a big step. But in the long-term, it at least gives a roof over the head. Besides, it motivates people to actually start doing something to be able to pay for this house. No offense. It's just my opinion.