Money Moral Dilemma: Can we uninvite people to our postponed wedding to save money?

Groom

If you read any forums based mainly in America, you will see it seems to be a growing custom there, even bridesmaids and really close family are uninvited to the original ceremony at the last minute because they don’t fit in with plans! 

In your case you have a very valid reason and most people in these financial difficult times will understand, especially if they aren’t close family or friends. As said in other replies, a letter giving an explanation is the correct thing to do. Or perhaps if they were invited to the main reception, consider inviting them to the evening “do” and just have a simple buffet and everyone pays for their own drink. 

ambioni

if you ever find yourself in the situation of having to change a bit event like this, use the word "cancel" rather than "postpone". Even if you do plan to have the event at some time in the future, "cancelling" it lets everyone know that they should cancel their own travel plans, gift plans etc....if they then get a new invite in the future, that's great...but they won't be left sitting wondering if the postponed event will still go ahead, and when, and whether they need to plan to come to it

Ed264

You haven't said how long the wedding was postponed - months, years? I would say invite those who had accepted the invitation, whether they're on your 'A' list or not. They must be significant for you to have invited them previously. Those (if any) who didn't respond to the invitation can be disregarded. Then you're left with whoever you choose to invite! Good luck with this, but keep in mind the fact that you're not going to please everyone. That's life!

[Deleted User]

Of course, you choose your guests, but however tactful you are, expect people to feel hurt and possibly offended.

bflpm

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

We're now replanning our postponed wedding and we're looking again at the guest list. Some people had accepted our initial invitation, but aren't on our 'A-list' of guests, and as we would now like to spend less, is it OK to uninvite some of those guests who had already said 'yes'?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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It's very simple, it's your day, your choice.

Out of courtesy, maybe contact the one's who get dropped and just say sorry but we've had to scale back the wedding. Especially in today's economy they'll understand and, if they don't it's their problem, not yours. 

CW57

Our friend announced via e-mail he was to remarry and told us the proposed date.   We have been friends with him and his late wife for 50 years and met up at least once a year (we don't live close).  We never received any official invite.  About 2 months before the date we had been given, we received another e-mail to say that he had been married.
 We met up with him and his new wife (lovely lady) a few months later.  She explained that the whole event as originally planned had got out of control, the guest list  stood at over 100.  (We think he had e-mailed a few of his old friends with his good news, and issued invites without considering the implications)   In the end they had decided to scale back and have a low key wedding with immediate family only. 
We weren't offended by being 'uninvited', We understood the reasons why.

Darcy4

Yes - just don’t tell them the new date 😀

powerspowers

My wedding was postponed due to covid and then the venue cancelled the rearranged date. We found another venue but 2x the price for a meal. Due to that and lingering covid restrictions (this was summer 2021) we uninvited the majority of guests, going from 120 to 45. Everyone was understanding bar two friends who were absolutely horrible about it, we’re not friends anymore. 

I’m not sure if you’d receive the same grace from people outside of covid times but we found being upfront helped. 

JayD

Brie said:

Certainly you can uninvite people to any event.  And certainly some of them won't be happy about it no matter how good your explanation is.  Some may have booked travel, hotels, bought outfits and so lost money.  Or bought you a gift that they now feel they don't need to give you.  Others will be fine even if they were A listers.  

As this is a rescheduled event they are less likely to have already spent anything much.  A nice polite note to each being un invited to explain will go a long way to ensuring you're not burning too many bridges.  "due to the length of time from the initial invite and how much we, you and the world has changed we've decided to cut back a lot of what was initially planned for our wedding including the number of guests.  I hope you won't be too disappointed to not attend and that it won't ruin our friendship."   I certainly wouldn't say "you're on the B list and didn't make the cut."

Perfect answer!

hannerrbabes

Good luck to the fallouts and lost friendships!
I'd feel like I wasn't important to the couple if someone did that to me and wouldn't be speaking to them unless necessary.