Money Moral Dilemma: Can we uninvite people to our postponed wedding to save money?

bikaga

I would feel a bit hurt, but understanding if someone couldn't afford it. Not wanting to afford it when they were previously willing to would make me wonder if they thought our relationship had worsened or something.

If they're nearby, can you say that you'd like to save some money but they're welcome to the reception (if you're having one), or just have a relaxed post-wedding party with some drinks and snacks, and stress you're not expecting a present? I think that would go a long way to make people still feel appreciated.

Androids

Write to those who are off the invite list and tell them you have scaled back. If it’s people you love and care about tell them so. If they are people you don’t like any more then say it and be upfront. It saves lots of future hassle with birthday and Christmas cards and you don’t have to talk to them again. They probably already don’t like you and know you aren’t keen on them so why waste your life - or theirs - worrying about offending them?
if any of the guests have a go at you for this then uninvite them too.
The one who turn up will know you care about them and they are the ones who care about you both.

Androids

prettyandfluffy said:

This has happened to us and I found it rude.  To give a bit a context, we are quite closely related and also geographically nearby.  The couple decided they only wanted "immediate family" but then made a number of exceptions.  Their day, their prerogative; but they got a rather less generous wedding present than we had planned before we were uninvited.

Let’s be honest they obviously weren’t that keen on you and you clearly are not that keen on them. You wasted money of their gift and you should have got yourself something or used the money to go out and enjoy yourself.
we are all so constrained that we aren’t honest. Wedding bring out the biggest liars as well as the best friends.

kjmpde

I think if you just let the people know that circumstances have changed then there will be understanding and it will be ok. communication is the key 

keithyno.1

Well ultimately it's your wedding, so you can invite and 'un-invite' who you want. But what you're proposing is a pretty lousy course of action in my view.

Just think of the message you'd be sending to those people who aren't on this 'A-list.' Like, "We valued your friendship enough to invite you to our wedding, but now we don't?!!"

You can't put a price on a good reputation, and yours is going to be trashed within your social circle if you decide to go along with this 'uninviting.' Yes, you might save a few quid in the short term but at what cost to your good name and social standing?

gloriouslyhappy

Your wedding, your day, your way, seems to be the modern thing. Uninviting people who've taken the trouble to RSVP they will attend seems very rude.

However, if you must, then send a note as soon as possible, apologise that due to the length of time since original invite, circumstances have changed and you're now having a much smaller event therefore you would like to invite them to a post-wedding party x months after the wedding as you won't be able to see them on your wedding day.

IvonH

No, I don't think you can.  Not unless you don't mind upsetting people and losing friends.
There are other ways of saving money.  Cut down on the cost of the venue, the food, the drinks...  
At my children's weddings, they vastly over-catered, resulting in lots of food having to be thrown away and money going down the drain.  It is possible to have simple, stylish and reasonably priced weddings.  The choice is saving money by upsetting people or saving money by being clever about how you spend it and what on.

donglefan

You can inform all guests that they are all still invited but due to economic constraint the venue will now be for example, McDonalds.  No one gets booted and you find out who your real friends are.

bettyboo71

As has already been mentioned, context is so important. It would be particularly helpful to know how long this postponement has been.
However, people's circumstances change for a lot of reasons, and you have to do what is right for you. I might be hurt if uninvited, but hopefully I would understand - or I'm not really your friend any way! 
If you're still using the same venue, etc, you might not be able to make many changes to what was booked, so it may be easier to take the financial hit. 
Weigh up your options, and do what is right for you. 

gerrag

In the past, I have accepted invitations to stag parties and weddings that have involved a flight, hotel accommodation, various other expenses, along with several days "unplanned holidays".
I would have loved to be uninvited........as may some of your erstwhile guests.

May I suggest that you call them and be totally honest about your reasons for rescinding the invitation?
Depending on the time lapse between the original date and the new one, some of the invited couples might not even be together anymore.....that's going to whittle the numbers down.

Bottom line?.....it's your day, your friends/family, your choice.

The smallest wedding I ever attended comprised 8 people (the couple, two sets of parents, best man and bridesmaid. I was the groom's best mate and my job was to take the photos. I wasn't even invited to the wedding meal afterwards.....was I bothered?.......no problem:-))))