Money Moral Dilemma: Can we uninvite people to our postponed wedding to save money?

Jason9091

I'd feel awkward about uninviting people. The mistake was made when people were invited even though you don't really want them in attendance.

CapeTown

Androids said:

Write to those who are off the invite list and tell them you have scaled back. If it’s people you love and care about tell them so. If they are people you don’t like any more then say it and be upfront. It saves lots of future hassle with birthday and Christmas cards and you don’t have to talk to them again. They probably already don’t like you and know you aren’t keen on them so why waste your life - or theirs - worrying about offending them?
if any of the guests have a go at you for this then uninvite them too.
The one who turn up will know you care about them and they are the ones who care about you both.

Good grief. A career in the diplomatic service is not for you eh!

leedsbird

Absolutely, I’d be delighted to be uninvited. My friend who lives in London, got married in deepest Devon 2 weeks before Christmas. We live 300 miles away and it would have cost us best part of a thousand to attend which we could ill afford in the current climate. Luckily for us, the date clashed with another occasion so we declined to attend. 

LAMBS60

You write that you are replanning, so I presume that means nothing is sorted yet ? Are  you just planning to uninvite from the ceremony and reception? Can you write to these people and move to evening only ( if you’re having an evening do?)If it’s a distance to travel , just an evening invitation might not be ‘worth’ going to . Or just have a small ceremony and reception and then an early finish? As others have said , not enough information here . Why and who on uninvited list ? If it’s not planned yet , then no one knows enough to have booked travel or bought outfits. Presents ? Kept from last time? Maybe you should elope ? 

mr._prude

We toyed with this idea 20 years ago , but came to the conclusion that most of the costs (dresses, flowers, suits, rings, cars, video, photographer, DJ etc) would be the same for 60 guests verses 120 guests. Reducing the guests was only going to bring the hotel meal cost down.
In the end we went for the 120 guest option and the additional gifts received made up for the additional hotel cost.

drjohn67

The underlying financial limitations causing you to scale back may also influence how potentially friends or family feel about the possible rejection. 

E.g. “mortgage rates, fuel, etc” vs “we decided to go to a luxury resort in Seychelles”.

I am not saying how you should spend your money. Just highlighting that those affected could take very different messages about the value of their relationship to you. Understanding that may help you explain things more compassionately to them.

John_Gray

Have you thought of cancelling the wedding, or postponing it "for reasons beyond your control", or just eloping?

Whatever you do, you are going to get a tremendous amount of flak!

This is likely to end up as a marriage of two people, without any friends left...

PaulTee

Some may even be delighted 'this is great, do not need to travel and pay for a hotel etc, now we can go and enjoy ourselves.

Pollycat

gerrag said:

In the past, I have accepted invitations to stag parties and weddings that have involved a flight, hotel accommodation, various other expenses, along with several days "unplanned holidays".
I would have loved to be uninvited........as may some of your erstwhile guests.

Why did you accept the invitations if you didn't want to go?

An invitation is just that...it's not a royal command.
You have a choice of accept or decline.

skull

As John_Gray posted, eloping cuts costs, and a personal apology (and later a family & friends gathering/barbecue/party at home) can save a lot of money. There were only the two of us at our wedding plus two strangers as witnesses. We later had a meal out for the parents (they had not met yet) and everyone was happy. No seating arguments, no traumas, saved money, but that is not for everyone. An apology, that due to increasing costs you have had to have a re-think, but would love to see them later on at a planned event, will go a long way.