Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner contribute to us repaying Child Benefit?

ripongrammargirl

Wow, this woman is on to a winner. Working but only paying half of the household groceries and nothing else??? I am disabled in chronic pain (after being a qualified Nursery Nurse and Care manager until I became this way) and “live” on disability benefits but even I try to budget so I can pay my hideous debts and buy all the groceries as well as contribute a tiny bit to bills and mortgage. I suggest she budgets more sensibly, actually contributes to their lifestyle, and soon, as child benefit does not last forever and what will both of these people do then? 

Some people have the cushiest of lifestyles and still want more. Unbelievable. 

bikaga

It depends on sooooo many factors:
- where you see your relationship going in the long term and your commitment to each other
- total income per person, minus tax and contributions
- total pension per person and agreements for when that will be your main income
- total outgoings
- percentage of outgoings / income per person
- available ££ per person after tax, pension and other necessary outgoings and what it's used for and why
- to what degree you have shared finance

This is simply not something anyone can work out for you without knowing the full picture, and you should have that conversation between you.

Lwyajam

I find this post a bit confusing. I am assuming here that your partner is at home looking after a child that she had to spend 9 months feeling unwell to produce, then have the pain and exhaustion of giving birth. Possibly they also have long term side effects of giving birth eg chronic pain and urinary incontinence which the non birthing partner never has to experience. Presumably your partner cannot work full time due to expending their energy raising this child (which I am assuming is yours.) During this time not only are they probably fatigued and spending less time in the company of adults, but also not able to earn as much money or progress their career due to the above. You are working, presumably hard, to earn more than average wages. But now are resenting your partner for .. not earning what you do? I am assuming you are adding 20k, maybe more or less to your pension annually. This will compound and hopefully allow you a comfortable retirement one day. You are effectively keeping more than half of what you would have by not having to pay 40% tax, NI contributions and possibly 9% student loan repayments. I would bet your partner isn’t getting this amount paid into her pension, is not able to build up a nest egg for the future and cannot progress their career as you are. It comes across like you are wanting to ‘teach them a lesson’ or punish in some way to get them to pay more toward the bills? If you feel resentful, perhaps it is time for you to reduce your working hours and increase your time raising your child. This will help you twofold, it will prevent you earning so much and ‘having’ to put money in your pension and will afford your partner the chance to earn more and financially contribute further. Perhaps you will also realise her contribution to family life has a value on which you cannot place a price.

Lwyajam

Nb I am assuming you mean child tax allowance rather than child benefit

MrsC2018

Hmmm you do realise it's done on Gross what you earn not on Net.. so if you earn over 50k then you will have to pay back the child benefit charge regardless how much you put into pension? 

I know this as I do a self assessment for my husband every year as he earns over 60k and we have to give the whole lot back. Just to let you know. 

As for the other bit... you are a partnership, my husband goes out to work and I stay home looking after the children, he pays for everything and we share his income there is no his koney my money thing, we are together, share a home together, share responsibilities it just how it is. I know everyone is different but come on support your wife/partner, at least for the time the children are young. 

Jersy

MrsC2018 said:

Hmmm you do realise it's done on Gross what you earn not on Net.. so if you earn over 50k then you will have to pay back the child benefit charge regardless how much you put into pension? 

That was my understanding too - unless of course the pension was paid as salary sacrifice.

that said - I’d happily be proven wrong and with that pay additional into pension to avoid paying back child benefit.

MrsC2018

ignore My last post.. adjusted net income.. I get the whole why you put in pension thing now.. I'd leave off putting so much in a pension and just pay it back or don't claim it and again like I said above just both live off your wage and she helps with her money a bit too, why make things difficult for you both. 

Ringo90

tacpot12 said:

in a situation where her income is much lower, the only fair system I have come across is one that leaves you both with the same spending money after all the bills are paid. This might result in you paying all the bills, but at least you have had the discussion and agreed that it is fair. 

I think that the only reason you want her to contribute to the child benefit repayment is that she isn't paying enough, such that you are being left with less spending money than she is.  

So you are saying that if(for example) I earn 4500 and my partner 2500, and our joint basic expenses such as rent, bills, groceries etc. comes up to 2000, I should pay everything and my partner nothing? In what world is that fair? As much as I love my partner, I have spent my best years on my education while he was out partying and entertaining, that's why I am earning more and maybe I deserve to be left with more spending money after all.
Furthermore, it means that my partner can live virtually expenses-free only because he has been "lucky" enough to find someone who has a good job? And if he leaves me tomorrow, he can enjoy all the money he has saved thanks to me subsidising him?
Seriously, no. If you earn more than your partner, the most generous thing you can do is to split expenses in proportion to your earnings rather than 50/50 but both parties should still pay something regardless of how much money they are left with!

hannerrbabes

Rich people problems 😵

drjohn67

At one extreme, both paying the same to household expenses regardless of income or non-financial contribution to the household.

On the other extreme, one partner paying excess earnings to the household (regardless of their previous effort/success/good fortune to achieve a higher salary).

Sharing some of your success/income is likely to be required to allow your family to enjoy a more comfortable quality of life rather than the family being financially restricted whilst you (individually) have a surplus to spend or invest. You may need to communicate more with each other to understand their non-financial contribution or financial issues and to explain what your financial goals/plans are. Then find a more comfortable balance.