Father's ashes taken from care home
parents were placed in a Care Home just over 5 years ago. I've
got/had Power of Attorney for both. My father passed away about 2
years ago just leaving my mother now aged 91.
My brother had very little contact with my parents for over 20 years. He rarely visited them at the Care Home whilst my father was alive. Since my father's demise he's apparently repented and turned into a caring son visiting my mother about twice a week. I reasoned that the ashes of the husband of my mother whom she’d been married to for nearly 70 years should be left in the Care Home room with her.
On new years eve I got a phone call from the Care Home, apparently my brother had ransacked my mother’s room. Taking various sentimental items, mostly provided by me, not one of them by him. The Care Home explained it was not in their remit to try and stop him.
As well as my fathers ashes, he’d taken various photo albums, a huge acrylic picture I had given them for their diamond wedding (it was not cheep) and various other sentimental objects. My mother’s mobile phone which she’s had during her 5 year stay also vanished.
I’ve tried being very reasonable with my brother. He says he’s talked to my mother and just following her wishes regarding the ashes which is to build a shrine at his home. (My mother’s mind is in such a confused state that if I suggested flushing the ashes down the toilet she would agree.) I’ve tried to explain that I talked with my parents on many occasions whilst they were both still of sound mind. That they told me what their funeral arrangements were and what I should do with the ashes, I’ve apologized that we did not include him in the conversation, but because of his very rare contact assumed he was not bothered, I’ve apologized to him for this omission. I’ve asked him to return the ashes and I’ve given him my word I’ll consider any of his requests regarding both parents ashes on my mother’s demise. I’ve done my best to be extremely tactful. All to no avail.
My mother’s walls are now bare, I’m prepared to replace some of the missing pictures but concerned he’ll just take them again
He’s now stating that I’m slandering him by suggesting he took my mother’s phone. It’s disappearance being very convenient as it’s stopping him from phoning our mother. He’s threatening me with legal action if I don’t immediately replace it. I’d happily replace it, just a bit concerned that it may mysteriously disappear again.
I’m just wondering where do I stand legally, I strongly believe my father’s ashes should be with my mother and his and my mother's original wishes be followed. I also had plans for the acrylic picture which was going on my dinning room wall and then going to be handed down to my daughter.
How do I get all these items returned and how do I stop my brother from taking them again?
Can I use my Power of Attorney to chose who can visit my mother in her Care Home or do I need to take it further.
I’d be extremely grateful for any suggestion on how I should proceed.
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