Divorced or not? How to find out.

Stormybay

Hi there.  

My partner and I have booked our wedding.  We have both been married twice before (3rd time lucky??)
We need to take our last divorce papers to the registry in 2 months time. 

My partner cannot find any papers for his second divorce.  They married in 1993 and they split up 6 months later.  

They have not seen each other since.  

We have emailed the family courts to search divorces (he seems to remember that they did divorce but his memory is sketchy).  So in all honesty he can’t remember. 

The family courts have not got back to us and we can’t find any trace of his (ex) wife since the electrol roll in 2002.  

We looked on Ancestry and can’t find if she has ever married again (although it doesn’t show my second marriage on there either)
We have searched social media and he has asked any friends from that time, to no avail. 

Is there any way we can find out if they are divorced and if not, does he need to divorce her now, possibly online, and if we have no address for her, how long would the courts wait to see if they can find her?   

Does anyone have any ideas at all please.  I’m thinking I need to cancel the wedding for now, as I don’t know how long it would take to divorce someone who has disappeared, or, indeed to start proceedings if they are already divorced. 

Well done if you e managed to get this far
Stormy x

TonyMMM

When you say you contacted the Family Courts - did you fill out the search form (D440) and pay the search fee (£65) ?

https://www.gov.uk/copy-decree-absolute-final-order

He will have to show that he did obtain a divorce by producing a copy of the decree absolute in order to successfully give notice to marry when you have your appointment in 2 months - if he can't your marriage will not be going ahead, sorry.

Ancestry doesn't have any marriage indexes (in England/Wales) after 2005 and won't cover those in Scotland, or overseas anyway. Searching there isn't really going to achieve anything, you may need to employ a people tracing service. 

Some relevant advice here...

https://hollandfamilylaw.co.uk/how-do-i-divorce-if-i-cant-find-my-spouse/

Tracing someone can often be done by looking for relatives/friends rather then the person themselves .....try tracing her parents, brothers/sisters/cousins etc. You just need to find one person who has contact.

Stormybay

Hi.  

Yes we did fill in the D440.  But haven’t heard back from them.  

As it’s 30 years ago, I’m assuming in need to pay £65 x 3?  Just in case she had divorced him at some point?  

TonyMMM

Stormybay said:

Hi.  

Yes we did fill in the D440.  But haven’t heard back from them.  

As it’s 30 years ago, I’m assuming in need to pay £65 x 3?  Just in case she had divorced him at some point?  

Yes you might have to have up to 3 searches - but, as you are finding out, divorcing without notifying the spouse is actually quite difficult so it is probably unlikely to have happened without him being aware.

Stormybay

TonyMMM said:

Stormybay said:

Hi.  

Yes we did fill in the D440.  But haven’t heard back from them.  

As it’s 30 years ago, I’m assuming in need to pay £65 x 3?  Just in case she had divorced him at some point?  

Yes you might have to have up to 3 searches - but, as you are finding out, divorcing without notifying the spouse is actually quite difficult so it is probably unlikely to have happened without him being aware.

Thanks Tony.  

He thinks he divorced her 30 years ago but can’t remember.  They both moved away from the area soon after.  

So because of this, I think he didn’t!   

Back to the drawing board of his starting divorce proceedings.   

gt568

How can you not remember if you divorced!  Thats mental.

lincroft1710

I also suspect he never got divorced 

Stormybay

gt568 said:

How can you not remember if you divorced!  Thats mental.

Yeah. That’s what I think.  

Spendless

gt568 said:

How can you not remember if you divorced!  Thats mental.

Potential memory issues or general ditzy-ness. My own DH only remembered he'd made a will as a single young man earlier this year, despite us being together for 25+ years, having 2 kids, owning property and being a Cancer survivor so you'd think he'd remember things that put his affairs in order. I wasn't best pleased when he'd only just  remembered and ended up checking that our marriage had actually invalidated to whoever he'd left his estate to years ago (thankfully it did and also made us make new wills!) 

Stormybay

Spendless said:

gt568 said:

How can you not remember if you divorced!  Thats mental.

Potential memory issues or general ditzy-ness. My own DH only remembered he'd made a will as a single young man earlier this year, despite us being together for 25+ years, having 2 kids, owning property and being a Cancer survivor so you'd think he'd remember things that put his affairs in order. I wasn't best pleased when he'd only just  remembered and ended up checking that our marriage had actually invalidated to whoever he'd left his estate to years ago (thankfully it did and also made us make new wills!) 

Spendless said:

gt568 said:

How can you not remember if you divorced!  Thats mental.

Potential memory issues or general ditzy-ness. My own DH only remembered he'd made a will as a single young man earlier this year, despite us being together for 25+ years, having 2 kids, owning property and being a Cancer survivor so you'd think he'd remember things that put his affairs in order. I wasn't best pleased when he'd only just  remembered and ended up checking that our marriage had actually invalidated to whoever he'd left his estate to years ago (thankfully it did and also made us make new wills!) 

Yes.  The marriage was over before it even began and put to the back of his mind and I imagine hers too.  

He’s never married since, or wanted to, so it was something he never thought about until now.  

I have paid for 30 years of searches and see what that brings.  

If nothing, then he will have to go down the divorce route.  Xxxxx 

lika_86

lincroft1710 said:

I also suspect he never got divorced 

Or she's buried under a patio somewhere.