From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

mumtoomany

Lovely to see you, @Greying_Pilgrim. I was only thinking about you a few weeks ago and wondering how life was treating you. Well done on managing to get you own place again. 

If your house is cold, ours is, have you looked at thermal wallpaper. Expensive, at around £100 for a roll and the special paste, but it really works well and a roll goes a long way. We are slowly appearing out external walls, all two feet thick! Also we are planning to start insulating the floors as funds allow.

Don't worry about LG, he/she will be fine. Children can be cruel and will always pick on others. LG will survive, learn and grow from this. When my DD1 was 11, she won an assisted place at the local private school. Our family, like yours, was surviving on next to no money. In her packed lunches I would put home made cakes and biscuits. Her peers all had the most expensive shop bought delights. They were jealous of her home made and often swapped! Regarding passing on your frugality. We have five children, all now adults. Three are now super frugal, can manage money really well. One DS finished his first year at uni, without any debt and most of his loan still in the bank. The other two are more rubbish with money, but can still be frugal when needs must. 

I'm enjoying hearing of your new journey and will be reading along avidly. Hugs to you and yours, mumtoomany.xxx

beanielou

Nothing changes 

Greying_Pilgrim

mumtoomany - how the heckingtons wellingtons are you??  how lovely to "see" you.

Oh - though it saddens me to say, bullying/teasing and picking on classmates is nothing new 🙁 and for all the initiatives and awards, it doesn't seem to have stopped it occuring - whether in reality or online 🙁  One thing I regret not being able to "teach" LG - and it's because I don't know the answer myself - is how to tackle the bullies.  I mean I have (hopefully) never "thought" like a bully - I mean, have I been envious that X had a new toy/bike/went on holiday/had a £10 note off their gran/had a ra-ra skirt?  For sure I was envious - but did I go and thump them, steal their bike, nick their tenner or pour ink over their skirt?  No i did not - it wouldn't enter my head to - and hence why I didn't understand when that was other people's default reaction.  One thing I have been able to understand better as I have got older is that you never truly understand what others are going through and what their home life is like.  And whilst some people may appear to have "everything", that doesn't always stop them wanting (or indeed, needing) the very thing that you (innocently) have....... 

It's so interesting what people 'value' isn't it?  I bet your DD's classmates wanted a taste of her scrummy HM fare!  And yet not "that" long ago (OK, so in the last century, but still........), my paternal grandmother, who grew up dirt poor and severely the 'wrong side of the tracks', would go without for the rest of the week, rather than fail to put bought bread (always sliced white) and bought (boxed) cake when the family came for tea - and it was always (packet) ham rather than stove top boiled gammon, or chicken 0x0/gravy granules, rather than HM stock or gravy.  To her, the "bought" stuff was the epitome of wealth - HM was second best, showing you couldn't 'afford' to buy treats/convenience.  

I bet your kids are an absolute credit to you and your DH - and I'd love to be able to say the same thing about LG when they are an adult.  We're not trying to indoctrinate LG, but just simply showing how we approach things - whilst bearing in mind that other families will take a different approach.  

At the moment LG has never made it obvious that lack of [insert relevant thing here] has in anyway "ruined" their life.  We've had one or two comments about the 'particular game du jour' or an 'afterschool activity' or computer or holiday that another child may have, but no moans that they are being 'denied'.  Hopefully being loved, fed, kept warm and dry and given time, experiences and some "stuff" is enough to keep them content.  

Thanks so much for popping in - I really appreciate it.

Greying X

Fortune_Smiles

Greying_Pilgrim said:

I mean, have I been envious that X had a new toy/bike/went on holiday/had a £10 note off their gran/had a ra-ra skirt?

Ra-ra skirt 😂😂😂

I was insanely jealous of a friend who had a Blythe Doll.  Its body was a similar size to Barbie, but it had a disproportionately large head and eyes. A pull string on the back of its head rotated an eye mechanism that would change its eye color.  I saw one again recently and it is the creepiest, freakiest thing - I wouldn't give it house room now. 😂

Greying_Pilgrim said:

Hopefully being loved, fed, kept warm and dry and given time, experiences and some "stuff" is enough to keep them content.  

All the precious things that money cannot buy.

Fortune x

rtandon27

GP - never doubt the value of your own unique way of bringing up your child - it's that uniqueness that will make them interesting once they've flown the nest!

mumtoomany

I found over the years, the best way to prevent bullying in the younger years, primary school, was to befriend the bullies myself. Talk to them on the playground or in the park. Invite them to playdates with my child, take time with them and give them attention. Often all they really need is someone who gives them time and takes an interest in them.

I once had a child, friend of one of mine, ask why they couldn't go to Auntie Pat's house for her holidays with us, but instead had to go to Florida for three weeks with her parent/stepparent. And would we have more fun with auntie? I reassured her that both holidays would be just as good, though I believed that my children got the better deal. 

Regarding having to have the "right" thing, one son-in-law is like this, to the extent that the grandchildren will say I should get a, whatever name, thing. I point out that they are all the same but some cost less, so allow money for other things. I believe he had quite a difficult childhood! 

Well done with the saving and the knitting. I've just found a pattern for a jumper I knitted for DD2, when she was about four. Going to knit it now for her son, who's now four. Had it for 36 years at least. Me a horder??? Never.

Hugs to all, mumtoomany.xxx

Greying_Pilgrim

Fortune_Smiles said:

Ra-ra skirt 😂😂😂

Am I... Am I ....... 🤔.... showing my age perchance??.....🤔🤣  

Fortune you make the point that is running around my head at the moment.  Much of this 'carp' that LG (or any other child) faces on a daily basis in the school age years really doesn't matter - and for sure is not going to matter when school days have been left far behind.  Naturally I am NOT the greatest instructor in the dark arts of 'patience', but funnily enough, there has been an example this week of a child (finally) being called out on their poor behaviour toward others, because an older child did the right thing and reported the matter to the teacher.  This child is 'awful to all', so it's not just personal against LG - which in some ways is a relief.

RT - thank you - I'm hopeful that we will (with the help of other influences) have equipped LG to 'cope' when they fly the nest.  I mean, we all gotta eat, have somewhere to live, travel, read/understand information/instructions/forms etc.  OK, so how we go about that may differ between folks - and indeed, may change over time (filling out forms online rather than longhand), but if LG has the tools to know how to initially approach things (even if they change their approach over time), then that will be 'alot' really - and if they can do it by 'living within their means', then that will be good enough for me.  

mumtoomany - you, as ever, speak wise words borne of experience, and I thank you for that.  Frankly I would like to come on holiday to 'Aunty Pat's' - never mind your children's chums - can I come?????? 🤣  With only one exception, the other kids that have given LG trouble have issues around being.............. 'unseen' (?) or perhaps 'unheard' in their own homes.  Some of these kids want (materially) for nowt (in comparison to LG), they all live on the 'right' side of the estate, their parents are all friends, their siblings are all friends - they all have the password to the 'club'.  We do not.  But the fact that I don't want - nor indeed need - the password, butters no parsnips with my kid, who just wants to fit in.  

We do live in an area that has always been about appearances over substance - it hasn't changed and I don't suppose it will.  As an adult you understand (because the person who used to work with you, told you, himself) that the; '2 fast cars on the driveway' are leased rather than owned outright, the house belongs to grandma who still charges rent, but at least it's below market rates for the area/house size, and that dad is chopping and changing his job in a very volatile sector every minute as outgoings are beginning to overtake incomings and every penny is committed.  But of course, children don't understand those things - and shouldn't be bothered with them anyway imho - and just see 'stuff' and wonder why we don't have it.  

I think it is wonderful to be able to knit/sew the same patterns for children and then grandchildren.  Some things just never go out of style (although some things date horribly - see above mention of Ra-ra skirts 🤣), and look at how much interest there is in the knitting community about emulating patterns for all the TV and blockbuster movie costumes - Outlander, Harry P0tt3r, All Creatures Great & Small, The Banshees of Inisherin .......  


-----------


Thank you all for your supportive comments.  Deep down I think and feel exactly the same as you, but am finding it difficult to reassure LG that it will all work out right.  As an adult I can see the bigger picture, and sometimes know the 'back story of why the bully is like they are', but it's difficult to explain to your kid that 'L's parents divorced, it all got very nasty and L is being passed back and forth like a mis-directed parcel because their parents are angry at each other and are still trying to score points - irrespective of the price - and don't care that their child is collateral damage'.........

----------

Right, MSE stuff.  

I remembered to pay the CT yesterday afternoon.  We're paying it by cash up until this CT year end and then hope to change to DD from April.  Given the b*lls up the council  have made of our account at the previous address, this was the correct course of action to keep control over our own money/account.  But it does require me to take action every 1st of the month - and I nearly forgot yesterday! 🤣

Washing out on the line - Tick!

Plans to make a vat of tommie sauce for future stews, pasta dishes and pizza topping are in train for today, as is making pizza for tea (getting back to normal RT 😜)

LG is getting their 'money' session at school today, so after school we will be having a look at the contents of their purse to see if any money can be sorted into save/spend categories (they have some 5p's that could be put in the bags to go towards 'C4C', but they might actually be 'swopped' for a £1 coin that may be 'needed' for an entertainment 'zone' on Sunday 😜).  Striking whilst the interest is piqued!

Can't think of anything else MSE related at the mo.  So best shuffle orf to make pasta sauce.

Ta for popping in, reassuring me, teasing me and joining in the conversation.  All appreciated.  Greatly.

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

Another £11.79 to add to the groceries total.  Just popped to MrA to get the plant-based products for Feb.  Always a bit of a lottery as their stocking policy is........... "interesting".  I did get some of what I went for, so that was good.  I also picked up a bag of brussels sprouts, product of UK (if that is not too much of an oxymoron 🤔), for 69p/500g.  Grown in Lincolnshire, and looked lovely and 'fresh' too - no brown/grey patches on the bottom of the stalk.  LG is going to be delighted, just delighted........ 🤣

I also got a bargain from the 'reduced' shelf.  They were getting rid of some bottled ale from a Welsh brewery - 85p for 500ml 4.3% abv.  Just the job for watching a spot of the 6 nations 😜 The downside is that I we will have to drink the half dozen bottles before the 24th Feb, as then it'll be out of date and turn into lemonade...... 😜Normally the product retails for in between £2 - £3, depending if you buy by the case/individual bottle.  Win.

Right, best get self organised and then away to do the school run.

Greying X

redofromstart

It wasn't just you, I can remember being utterly delighted at inheriting a ra ra skirt from my older cousins. 

in_need_of_direction

I had my own rara skirt as part of my christmas outfit one year.  That said, i wasn't as excited about that as I am about the opening game