From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

newgirly

I’m so sorry things are still tough for LG, I’ve had periods in the past where one of mine was bullied at school, not for any long length of time thank goodness but it’s hard. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do to stop horrid kids being horrid kids, there’s some allowances to be made for thoughtlessness in childhood or even perhaps the fear of being singled out if not going along with the group. But personally I think even the youngest of children know how to be kind to others. Repeatedly getting it down on paper to the school is an important step, it can’t be ignored then. Hopefully they are now going to handle things properly and not keep letting this continue. Don’t beat yourself up too much about the school they are going to as these things can and do happen everywhere. Mine were at an “outstanding” school in a middle class area, didn’t stop me turning up at lunchtimes some days so I watch and make sure they were ok ☹️

Oh and I agree with Badmemory, the parents who are questioning if they are doing ok are the ones that are, anyone who thinks they are a perfect parent I’d wonder 😆

Greying_Pilgrim

Thanks newgirly - and I absolutely agree, the majority of kids do know how to be kind to each other - or at the very least, polite and 'workman-like', rubbing along together for classroom cohesiveness.  It's a pity that those who don't, end up being so corrosive, so pivotal to whether school is enjoyable or not for their peers.  As LG gets older, I'm hopeful that we can build their courage and confidence to learn how to not let this sort of crud affect them.  Easier said than done - as even us adults can find it difficult to deal with others.  daisy_1571 was talking on Watty's thread about her OH's boss who micro-managed letter writing to the nth degree.  I too had a boss like that.  Would 'delegate' and then pick fleas with reports or letters, and all but 're-write' them.  It was utterly demoralizing and eroded my confidence within months of beginning to work with them.  Thankfully they got 'promoted' up and (soon after) 'out' of the organisation.  But the impact of their 'issue finding' and unwillingness to 'trust' their staff stayed with me for over 20 years, even long after I'd also left that particular organisation.   Pity it isn't so easy to chop and change schools - whether you're norty or not-so-norty.  And as you describe newgirly - LG's school is supposed to be in a 'nice' area - with kids from 'nice' homes, with 'educationally engaged' parents - although I think that - much like the world at large - is changing (and the change is speeding up as each year passes), and I'm not totally sure the school 'management' has kept up with those changes impacting on the school intake.  

Fam. Greying are guilty of having done very little today.  But at least I didn't stay in PJ's today...... I brought the washing in at around 2pm.  It was a little drier than when it went out - certainly particular lightweight items - but I did lose laundry roulette today.  I put the clothes on the airer, and put the dehu on for 1hr on laundry mode, and then for a further 2 hrs on the 'eco' setting.  But the end of that, I had to empty a half full water tank, and the laundry was at a partially damp stage that you'd be pleased with - had it come in from outside at that level on a Autumn/Winter's day, iyswim.  It's now in front of the radiator, and I'm hopeful that by tomorrow, most of the items will be dry enough to be put away.  Certainly by Tuesday (when the first of DH's work clothes will be needed again), the drawer should have been re-stocked with clean and dry clothes.

The soup at lunch was OK.  I liquidised yesterday's left over soup and then added in some l/o baked beans, a random tin of haricot beans and a couple of handfuls of frozen mixed veg and some frozen sweetcorn.  There was just enough for 3 bowls, and I served it with some toasted cheese.  LG wasn't enraptured with the soup, but it was eaten.  Tea ended up being cheese salad sandwiches, tangerines and a bag of crisps.  Yoghurt was available for pud.  Given we all haven't been terribly active today, I didn't think any of us would miss a cooked meal - and as we hadn't had sandwiches for lunch, it wasn't too much repetition.  

I have enjoyed it being a little warmer today, and I am hopeful it will get back to more 'typical' winter temperatures for the coming week.  The forecast shows dry with some breeze for us, so if nothing else, I may well be able to get back up to speed with the laundry.  As it is, we certainly have the 'right things' to wear for at least the start of the week.  

I'm hopeful that LG will have a good week at school.  I think it has helped a little to see us not standing for this nonsense anymore, and knowing that the teaching staff are willing to help them too.  It isn't about 'taking sides', but I think that several members of staff whom LG likes and respects are much more in line with LG's position that with that of the problem kiddo and their family.  

Ta for popping by.  Appreciated.  Greying X

Humdinger1

@Greying_Pilgrim I'm now up to date with your diary.  You are doing an utterly awesome job! LG plainly has a posse of devoted admirers, as do you.  DD was bullied as was I; all of the bullies turned out to have horrendous things going on but that didn't excuse it...it does teach us to look out gor one another whereas the bullies don't have any real support.   I think you'll see big steps forward by the school. 

I also admire the way that you've decided what your priorities are and are going for income to support them rather than to impress people who you don't give a damn about. I see you have written previous diaries and will read them.  Please tell me to mind my own business, but if you wanted to write a summary of your journey and how you got to critical decisions, I'd be riveted and would savour the details in your earlier writings.  You are navigating difficult situations with grace and skill, even if it's hard to see from the inside.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

Greying_Pilgrim

Ha ha, dearest Humdinger - you definitely get the medal for perseverance!  I've currently got meno fog, so I can't remember what i did 5 mins ago, never mind 10 or 11 years ago 🤣  I'm not entirely sure I am good at making decisions, well, I'm not too bad (not brilliant), but anything that has had to be decided in conjunction with DH has been tortuous, as DH is Mr Risk Averse and is adept at kicking the can down the road, rather than making a decision.  Unfortunately a combination of lack of confidence and getting financially stiffed by relatives (yes, blood relatives), in his very early adulthood contributed to his default 'rabbit in the headlights' mode.

My first diaries obviously just involved me and DH (at that time my DP).  We could do things that only affected us - like not have the heating on - so although we had considerably less money, we bobbled along and saved for major works to our (late Victorian) house.  It always needed work and was always cold and damp.....

Many of our decisions have been made by 'least worst' options I'm afraid.  Like buying this house.  It wasn't what we wanted, but it was one of the areas we were looking in (proximity to LG's school), and was all we could afford.  We were renting previously, and although (to be fair) our landlord only raised our rent once, we were petrified of a further rent increase (we were already at the top of affordability) and desperate to get into our own home again.  Mortgage deals were thwarted by our ages and the jittery market at the time.  Again, this diminished the properties we could view with a chance of being able to buy. So we're here more by 'luck' than razor-like judgement.

As I've got older I have noticed that I am (slightly) better at making decisions and sticking to them - irrespective of DH, he will always get cold feet/change his mind/blame me if things go t1ts up, so I can no longer let that influence progress.  Also, whatever you decide to do in terms of having tradespeople at your home, a) something won't be right, b) you'll feel you've been had/conned/fleeced c) they won't do what they quoted you for d) if you get a tradesperson to turn up to quote AND quote AND give you a date to start the work, it's worth hiring them, even though you know somewhere along the line you'll be disappointed.  Because none of the other tradespeople you contacted even got back to you.......

Action is definitely better than inaction, and it has been amazing sometimes how much help I (or my family) have received once we have spoken up.  Certainly in terms of school, That has been the case.  In Reception, if there was an issue, I would !!!!!! foot around and be careful to not mention the other child's name etc - but found that very often the teacher didn't know who was causing the issue.  I'm not comfortable with bluntness, but am finding it is actually what has got the best response.  I prefer to write things down,  not being good at face to face, as I tend to forget things, or the conversation goes off in a different direction.  But I have worked on my brevity and succinctness as I know teachers are busy people.  Not all LG's teachers have ever bothered with communications from home.....

I admire people who have - for example - bought houses and moved for definite purposes, and bought the houses they wanted.  There are plenty of examples, but greenbee and dfw123 immediately spring to mind.  Tilly and gallygirl were/are phenomenal at picking a project and bringing it to fruition - often on a shoestring and sheer blessed determination.  

Personally speaking, I hope that this isn't our 'forever' home, and I would hope that we have at least one more move in us, but if it requires me to be cutting, thrusting and ambitious then it probably won't happen.  And if it requires restoration/renovation/doing up a dump, then it definitely won't happen.  We're not that interested in DIY and haven't got a raft of friendly tradespeople to call on to do the work for us.  I'm so over living somewhere without carpeting or with bare plaster walls or with drafts and damp. If it can happen through planning, application and playing the long game, then maybe we'll move again.  In some ways, at least this house is 'relatively' easy to maintain/heat etc.  I personally would not move back to an 'old' property again - but that's personal preference/time of life etc.  But now we have LG I am more interested in what we can achieve in our 'leisure' time than lino laying, light fittings or loft extensions.  LG's childhood will be over in the blink of an eye, and as I think 'adulting' is severely overrated, I want to be around for the 'fun' stuff.  

Thanks for dropping in Humdinger - I love the infectious support and enthusiasm that you bring to any thread you visit.  Thank you.

Greying X

greenbee

GP ... my house was very much a compromise in the end. It has probably worked out for the best, but was a bit of a 'I'm fed up with looking and it'll do' buy. I've been lucky in that there is a great community in the village, and I've managed to get hold of decent trades (although I'm on my third set of electricians - and they've just turned up again this morning and reminded me that I need to be nice and hang on to them as they are polite, understand what I'm trying to do, and talk me through the available options). I think all house purchases are compromises - I should have been a bit closer to my mum, in a slightly smaller house, with a south-facing garden (I share your pain on the north-facing garden issue). Although the house being too big is handy at the moment while I'm having to empty several rooms for the electricians to get stuff done!

Greying_Pilgrim

Right, small deposited at school, with associated "stuff" required and snap.

2nd wash now spun, so I am off to peg out.  The first wash was completed when it was still too dark to see to peg out, so best get on with it.  

Washing on the airer has dried well, and it was noticeable (probably because of 'higher' temperatures overnight) that there was far less condensation on the windows today - that which is there will disappear with the windows being opened for a while.  So that is one less job to attend to, and one less electrical appliance to run.

Activity tonight (as far as I know), so I need to get everything ready for that, including fees.

I think we'll have tortellini with HM tommie sauce in the SC for tea, so need to set that up to go whilst we are out of the house.  Some sort of veg will accompany - probably cauliflower.

Right, can't think of anything else MSE related, so it's orf to the washing line I go.  Ta for popping in.  Appreciated. 

Greying X

starnac

GP, I have caught up with your diary!!!! 

We lived in the "least worst" option house for many years while our two were growing up. We finally moved to our forever home 3 years ago. It meant a massive upheaval as both kids had to move schools and we moved from the community I was brought up in. This house is in a "better" more affluent area and I find the school here worse that the other more deprived area school, when it comes to managing behaviour. I have honestly lost count on the number of times I have had to email the school to complain or question certain things. The most recent thing ended with me slightly losing my temper and insisting that the head of year contact me, and me telling him that if DD comes home from school one more time upset around this particular issue then they can look out. Not my finest moment but the positive to come out of it was that DD saw me standing up for her. She saw that I was on her side. Obviously I have told her that over the years but this time she saw that I was serious. That I had her back  and LG sees that you are on their side. That means a lot!

You are a fantastic parent. 

Greying_Pilgrim

starnac said:

.....Not my finest moment but the positive to come out of it was that DD saw me standing up for her. She saw that I was on her side. Obviously I have told her that over the years but this time she saw that I was serious. That I had her back  and LG sees that you are on their side. That means a lot!......

Oh sweetie - you're making me blush with all your kind words.  But you're right - BiB - I had cause to do something very similar just recently - it was connected to school, but occurred out of school.  But the situation was very similar to that which you describe.  Luckily for me, (and for once), I managed to remain cool, calm and collected and avoided my default squeaky mode.  It made the most difference to LG because they got to see/hear my support for them.  You're absolutely right - pity we have to get to that stage tho, eh?  Poor behaviour has become a school-wide issue at LG's primary, a lot of very angry parents at the mo.   And we're supposed to be in a 'nice' area too.

Wonderful as always to *see* you sweetie - take care.

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

Whipping through my list quite well today.  

I've just brought the washing in.  It's not bone dry, but then we've not had a breeze all day, it fell away over lunchtime, so although it's a good result for this time of year, I'm a tiny bit disappointed.  Now the breeze is picking up again (typical), but the temperature is beginning to drop, so it's time to bring it in.  I've popped it all on an airer.  I am going to leave it without the dehu, hopefully I am not bringing 'masses' of moisture into the house, and it will dry well enough overnight.  I'm happy that for a split second, I am more or less up to date with the laundry.  Needless to say, by this evening, that piece of info will be outdated, but that's life, eh?

The SC is on and the sauce is beginning to heat through.  I have added extra stock so that the tortellini can cook fully.

I walked to the PO to withdraw CHB to cover activity tonight, which is going ahead, the instructor messaged us all.  Didn't see LG in the playground at school, but maybe they were in the lunch hall.  

Right, best get ready for the school run.

Greying X 

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MFW'rs

We had a lovely time at activity last night - LG had a really worthwhile lesson.  So pleased.

Tea was tortellini in HM tommie sauce cooked in the SC.  The tortellini was the vac-packed shelf stable stuff and was actually MrL's version (normally buy MrAl), of tomato & mozarella.  The actual pasta itself was far thinner on the MrL stuff - and you could quite clearly see the filling showing through.  There wasn't alot of taste to it either.  Although it was priced the same as the MrAl stuff, I don't think I'll buy it again.  However, it provided a tea that was simple to put together and which was ready by the time we all got back in the house.  We had cauliflower and green beans served with (veg was frozen).  

Yesterday's washing was dry by this morning, with the exception of a pair of jogging bottoms that remained damp in the pockets area, where there are several layers of fabric.  They have gone back out on the line with yesterdays lightweight, leisure/activity wear that is drying well in the - just about strong enough to make a difference - breeze.

I was looking what n*ctar prices I'm eligible for this week.  What a load of rubbish - mostly branded stuff and stuff that I've only actually purchased because it was YS'd.  No savings to be had there.  Thanks MrS!  The fruit bowl is looking severely depleted.  Not too sure we can last out until Thursday's shop.  Knew I shouldn't have given those skanky apples to the birds!  🤣  Actually, that is something that gave me an immense amount of pleasure, to watch the (predominantely) male blackbirds tucking into those apples.  Occasionally a robin would have a quick picketty-peck when the blackbird wasn't around, but they would soon swoop in and the robin would acquiesce.  Although one of the apples fell down (i picked it up and put it down), the birds seem to have pretty much demolished the apples - there's no sign of any leftovers, anyway.  

Gaps are starting to appear in the cupboards, but we are far from having empty food shelves yet.  I am going to do some baking in a minute though, as I have a craving for something sweet, but don't want to go to a shop just for that.  

Right, best get sifting and mixing.  Ta for popping in.  Greying X