From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

EssexHebridean

First up - the pub mentioned previously (the Ian McKellen one) is The Grapes, on Narrow Street - it's a former pretty regular haunt of ours although mostly when it was under its previous ownership, and it's a lovely place! 

Now then - that person you describe as a friend - that doesn't sound like the sort of behaviour from any "friend" I would want - so as a first port of call, I'd be asking myself what exactly this person adds to my life, and whether perhaps a "final straw" has been reached where actually, it's time to break contact. 
On the disappointment thing though - because of your good sense in not saying anything to LG ahead of time, it's at least only your own disappointment that you are dealing with. We see this sometimes with the Red Arrows - that people see their transit times published somewhere, and then those change, and the next thing is a torrent of complaints along the lines of "My 5 year old was devastated!" - but in fact there is always the possibility of things like that changing plan, or being cancelled, or whatever, and my take on this is always "well perhaps if your child is disappointed then you should look to yourself for having promised them something that was not within your control?" You ensured that the disappointment in this situation was yours, and NOT LG's - and I heartily applaud you for that most excellent piece of "mumming"!  I'm not surprised you feel wounded by the way that person has let you down though, as in this case it was THEM who had made the promise of something which it seems was also outwith their remit to deliver - for what reason, who knows? Perhaps they wanted to impress you, and to make you feel they are "in the right circles" - and gave no thought to what would happen if you actually said "Yes please, that would be lovely". who knows - but regardless, it's not a nice way to behave is it - frankly Family Greying deserve more reliable folk in their lives, I'd say! 

I agree with Cheery too - it sounds like you are filling LG's holidays with lots of interesting things and activities! 

Greying_Pilgrim

Thank you all for your kindness and support.  All hugs gratefully accepted.  Know that it is super-appreciated.

I think I had just reached a "point"  - writing down yesterday's episode seemed to be cathartic, and I just sat here once I'd posted it, and the tears flowed 😢Luckily DH had gone to work and LG was still in bed.  Perhaps I just needed to let it all out, I did feel a bit better afterwards - not sure I would have, had LG or DH seen me, but a private blub seems to have helped.

EH I think I agree, and perhaps time has come to just go our separate ways.  Plus I am too trusting - and if someone says "lets do this" - I assume they mean it, and if it's something that will work, I see about making it happen.  I don't promise anything that I can't see through (unless thwarted by something unforseen), so don't know how to handle it when folks say things they clearly have no intention of following through.  And I would never say "anytime", and then when someone picked a time, start to say "oh I've got an appointment for then, then, then and then", having previously described my diary as..... empty 😕

RT  - I know, I shouldn't have let the situation get to me, and ordinarily I would agree that 'forgetting' it would be the best policy. I think I was just surprised because it was something for LG, I thought the 'adult' would have followed through with a promise for something for a child.  

badmemory - beanie keeps telling me it doesn't get any easier, the older the child gets - I'm not sure it's helping ..... 🤣🤣🤣 [just joking!!!  I think you're both correct - PLUS you've both been there, worn the t-shirt!! 😁👍]

tmv - I have THAT song on repeat as an ear worm now....... 🤣🤣🤣  

Cheery - thank you - didn't quite manage a picnic out, but have given myself a kick up the bum and got things done this morning.  Thanks for being in my corner, it's appreciated.


So, onto today.

I would have loved to do a bit of a trip out today - possibly with a picnic, but in reality, we jumped in the car and pootled to the next metropolitan town along, and went to the big MrT there.  I had got LG some sportswear in our MrT the other day, but I wasn't convinced it was the right size - LG claimed it was, but I just wanted to check they didn't have the next size up there (mucho bigger store).  As it happens, they didn't, but we got some YS'd groceries, and some things off the list that MrL don't stock (sea salt flakes for example). 

Before I forget - the La1la brand rice/lentils/garlic paste etc special offer finished (some time ago I think), and I was disappointed to see the prices back up to "normal" 😱today.  But this MrT - which does have quite a large 'world foods' area, had an 'end aisle' promo of several foodstuffs, which included 5kg bags of NAtc0 brand red lentils for £7.60, CC price - which worked out at £1.44 perkg.  I can't recall the non CC price..... might have been £10 for 5kg (which is still cheap).  As it was, I limited my purchases to 2 tins of coconut milk for 65p each (cc price), and a box of nap0lina brand Orzo pasta for £1, cc price, rather than £1.50.

We then went onto MrA, and managed to pick up some of the sportswear - in the right size - for LG.  And it was priced as normal, but then when we went to the till, it was reduced and so only cost £10, rather than the £15 we were expecting to pay.  Win 😁 We will return the original items to our local MrT unworn and still packaged as sold.  

On the way home, we dove into MrM.  I'm not a huge fan, but the one in this town is quite large, and again, they have a world foods section that has yielded some bargains in the past.  We had a poke through the YS'd section in the produce aisle, and didn't find any bargains, but luckily, in trying to be polite and allow others access to the YS section - I asked LG to stand with the trolley out of the way.  Luckily, they stood next to a pile of crates that contained 'overflow' YS'd stuff.  The bargains were far better in those, so I got  a total of 9 courgettes (3 in each pack), for 90p grown in Cornwall (Yay!), and 4 nectarines (large and normally sold for £2 per pack), for 80p.  I sliced up the ripest for lunch for LG and me, and I have to say, it was nice - a lovely 10p portion of fruit each 😁 

So it's probably a good job that we got out of the house again today, and that actually, we bagged a couple of bargains, and some items that we'd gone with the intention of getting - seems to have been a worthwhile trip.  

Whilst we were out a very nice, kind person messaged me and the upshot of that is that we've organised a 'playdate' that will be a tonic for both LG and I, so we've a Greying Fam, adventure to look forward to next week 😁People are so kind 😁

Thanks for listening and reading.  I don't expect anyone to listen to me blathering on, but as ever, I'm left utterly grateful that you have.

Greying X

debtfreewannabe321

aw I am sorry you had a rubbish day yesterday I have often felt like this in the past. And my mood would have been exacerbated when said friend who's let me down posts on social media about something they decided to do with someone else instead of me. And these friends are often people I thought I could trust. I often place too much trust in people though as you have just pointed out you do....and when we are people who stick to our word and go out of our way to help others (especially these friends) it's an even bigger blow when it is not reciprocated. After the last time it happened, a friend who had used me as a sounding board, free therapist, go to in a disaster....and I had asked her out to do something fun and she cancelled on me only to go out with a date......well, I wrote a very strongly worded message to her cutting all contact and asking her not to ever turn up to my house again. I felt awful. After a while though I realised how nice it is to surround myself with people I really can trust and not have to worry about cancelling on me all the time. Perhaps it is time to cut the cords with this person?
I have a dislike of any acquaintance now who says, "dfw, we must meet up for coffee soon". 
I know it is lip service now (took me long enough lol) and I instantly ignore any suggestions they make. My real friends for one know I hate coffee  and pretentiousness.  Big hugs 

carolbee

So sorry to hear you had a rubbish day. I don’t think you are near me, East Kent, or I’d love to have a play date with you both
that is no pal to the lovely GP family, but how lovely to hear another friend has plans with you both 😀

Greying_Pilgrim

Aw, carolbee - you are so kind, and such a long-time supporter of both me & my threads.  Sadly a little too far for a playdate - but I bet it'd be fun 😁  Thank you for thinking of us 😁 

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

dfw - me too - it took me years to work out that "we really must meet up for lunch/coffee/girls night out" meant nothing of the sort.  And I still get caught out now - as I realise that 'new' friends don't actually mean what they say either 😕  

Greying X

beanielou

This is exactly why my friend group is small. 

Watty1

You got me thinking there about friends and friendship groups.      Lots of wise words on the thread.  I think LG is having a great hols and I am sure every parent thinks they could do better than they are doing.  

Greying_Pilgrim

beanie - a small group of chums, who are on a similar wavelength, and who'd help you out, as you'd help them out, is priceless imho.

Watty - making friends in school sucked - I haven't noticed it getting any better in adulthood 😕  I've got a slightly better understanding of the reason, season, lifetime nature of friendships/acquaintances, I guess I apply too much loyalty to any one of those scenarios though.  Perhaps loyalty and trust should only develop with lifetime chums.  Thank heavens for forums where like-minded souls congregate though, else life would be a bit lonely.

Tea tonight ended up being a sort of ratatouille.  I used a red onion and half a red pepper I had left over from the other night.  A bit of celery, some black olives, some frozen black-eyed beans, 2 of the courgettes and some HM tommie sauce, all cooked together in the PC with a bayleaf.  When this was done, I added a bit more paprika powder, some garlic and a splash of white wine vinegar.  It seemed very 'Mediterranean'.  Served over plain rice - LG liked it very much and clean plates all round was the result.  Pud was the YS'd strawberries I bought in MrT.  They were only their....... Rosedene???? farms ones, produce of W Sussex. The berries were small, but had a lovely strawberry aroma.  Served with a ball of MrS vanilla ice-cream.  Felt very luxurious, for no more than 50p(?) a head.  

Thank you all for your help and support today.  It has lifted me high out of my funk and helped me to see the situation for what it is.  Today has been a far better day that yesterday, it's important to acknowledge that and keep plodding on.  Thanks everyone.

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MFW'rs

Thursday again.  We're very nearly 2/3rds through the hols 😭 so much more I want to do that doesn't involve shopping for school uniform! Although I will admit that we've managed to pick up a few YS'd bits in the process, although I'm not sure if fuel use hasn't offset any grocery savings that may have occured 🤔 but we've seen other things, other places, other faces, so it's all 'life education' in it's way, right?

Main grocery shop today.  I had thought we might get away with a scant week, but then we've run out of this, and run out of that 🙄 

DH is doing OT this Saturday 🙄 He did ask first, before agreeing to it. I'm afraid I'm still not convinced that the gains outweigh the sacrifice, because of the stage of family life we find ourselves in - children of our peers don't want to be seen dead with Ma & Pa, or are at uni, or living independent lives.  But also I acknowledge sometimes you've got to be (or appear to be) willing to co-operate, because of the bigger picture.  If we need to ask a favour, or need time off in a hurry, perhaps some 'co-operation beans' added to the jar, may stand us in good stead with management at a future point.  I hadn't formerly organised anything for this Saturday anyway, so technically, it is no loss, and possibly a tiny financial gain.

Can't think of anything more MSE related, so better shuffle orf.  There'll be little or no chance of any green boxes in MrL, so it matters not what time I get there.  

Ta for dropping by.  Appreciated.

Greying X