Announcing pregnancy

My girlfriend is 13 weeks pregnant and we’re going for our scan tomorrow. We have kept the pregnancy secret from absolutely everyone and agreed to tell our family once we’ve had the scan.

However, now it’s nearly time to announce the pregnancy I’m starting to feel nervous about how my family will take it. Back at the beginning of the year we told my parents we’d be trying for a child at the back end of the year and they were shocked and wanting to know if we were doing the right thing. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and living together for nearly 2 now and we have felt like this is the next step we’re both ready for.

If my parents react badly to the announcement what should I do? 

Comments

  • Abbafan1972
    Abbafan1972 Posts: 6,843
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    edited 30 November 2023 at 6:22AM
    Apologies, but you need to man up. It’s really none of your family’s business. 

    Personally, I wouldn’t have even said we were trying, but that’s just me. 
    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £45,189.63/b]
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 46,765
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    Apologies, but you need to man up. It’s really none of your family’s business. 

    Personally, I wouldn’t have even said we were trying, but that’s just me. 
    Agreed. Announcing you are trying justs puts the pressure on yourselves and creates anticipation and questions from those you tell. 

    In this case, you have given fair warning to your family, so they should be expecting (!) the announcement. Hopefully they will have had some time to absorb that an announcement is imminent and practiced their happy faces.
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  • Zoe02
    Zoe02 Posts: 434
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    You don't owe anyone an explanation. 

    Pregnancy does not even need an announcement they will see eventually. 

    Congratulations

  • gwynlas
    gwynlas Posts: 1,622
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    Not aware of your previous threads but it is not clear as to whether they dislike your girlfriend or that they expected you to marry before trying for a child. It might seem an out dated construct but there have been a number of unmarried couples individually writing on the forum breaking up after more than five years, Despite joint financial commitments such as mortgages their  partnerships do not have any status in law or the financial security of marriage for them or their children. Your parents might believe they are grandparents in name only should the two of  you split up. Yes you would be responsible for child maintenance but your children might be estranged from wider family.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,486
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    gwynlas said:
    Not aware of your previous threads but it is not clear as to whether they dislike your girlfriend or that they expected you to marry before trying for a child. It might seem an out dated construct but there have been a number of unmarried couples individually writing on the forum breaking up after more than five years, Despite joint financial commitments such as mortgages their  partnerships do not have any status in law or the financial security of marriage for them or their children. Your parents might believe they are grandparents in name only should the two of  you split up. Yes you would be responsible for child maintenance but your children might be estranged from wider family.
    The OP's other threads shed some light on the relationship between him and his Mother.
    In one, he did say that his parents would be happy about a pregnancy: 
    MikeL93 said:
    Your scenario is exactly what I am trying to avoid, I can't image how hard it must have been to have gone through what you did. I know my parents will be made up at the thought of becoming grandparents but I don't want to tell them anything until we know everything is okay.


    so maybe something has happened since to make the OP think his parents will react badly to the news.
    Or maybe he is just worrying too much about what other people think.

  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 32,462
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    He possibly expects his mother and sisters to go on a mission to ensure he's married before the baby arrives. With full blown wedding for them to plan?

    Mike, discuss with GF, consider your responses now and how you handle Christmas. Then drop the news just as you leave. And tell them to mind their own business.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,921
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    MikeL93 said:
    My girlfriend is 13 weeks pregnant and we’re going for our scan tomorrow. We have kept the pregnancy secret from absolutely everyone and agreed to tell our family once we’ve had the scan.

    However, now it’s nearly time to announce the pregnancy I’m starting to feel nervous about how my family will take it. Back at the beginning of the year we told my parents we’d be trying for a child at the back end of the year and they were shocked and wanting to know if we were doing the right thing. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and living together for nearly 2 now and we have felt like this is the next step we’re both ready for.

    If my parents react badly to the announcement what should I do? 
    What do you mean, what should you do?

    Nothing, do nothing.  Let them get on with it.  If you aren't there, you can't let them get to you. 

    Tell them, see their reaction, if they react badly, you leave.  You don't do anything.
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  • calleyw
    calleyw Posts: 9,814
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    what is it with people thinking they have announce stuff.  Just mentioning it passing when you are ready to.  No big drama.  Do people think they live in TV soaps and have to do a big reveal.  Your parents have two choices about becoming grandparents they can like it or lump.
    I remember the previous thread about why your GF was not drinking.  I would be distancing myself if my family behaved like that.
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  • You're a grown up, so you can live your life independently and if your parents react badly to the news that they are going to be grandparents, you can live your life without them.

    Why on earth would your parents be shocked that you were trying for a baby and think you weren't doing the right thing?  Did they explain?
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