Paying money to my partner

BrassicWoman

Present a bill for childminding. Tell him that's your payments towards the house.

Keep your money safe in savings - no paying for upgrades - in case you need to move out. So he had a messy divorce? That is what happens! You don't get to keep all the joint assets in a divorce, and he doesn't get to punish you for his prior mistakes!

If he wants you all in financially, then he also has to be all in legally - and that means a civil partnership.

RAS

There's a very recent thread on the MSE Housing Forum. The house owner died suddenly, having intended to "put her partner on the deeds" when they'd been together 10.years. She died a few months prior to that.

Partner rang the executor/nephew 4 hours afterwards. Nephew arrived, gave the partner 1 hour to remove themself and their belongings and insisted on receiving the house keys, late in the evening. And was told they wouldn't be sharing the funeral details.

The partner thought they had a good relationship with the nephew.

Exodi

Littleduds said:we are currently having a loft conversion. This is around £50k and the money I’ve saved is going to pay for half of it. At this point we have decided that I will start to contribute half towards the mortgage payments (with the appropriate legal paperwork and documentation in place to protect us both- we are both very transparent and honest with each other and are happy that the other is protecting themselves).

I hope you mean a formal transfer of equity, setting you both up as tenants in common with a deed of trust in place. I wouldn't feel very secure if it's some random letter that you've both signed, which you'd need to go to court to enforce, and your name doesn't appear on the title.

Littleduds said:

he <snip> [is] look[ing] at paying off a large chunk/all of the mortgage on the house that we live in. He wants me to continue making payments to him so that one day I will own half of the house we live in. Owning half of the house isn’t important to me

Trying to look at it from his perspective, I kinda get it.

You're both currently paying the mortgage and both gaining equity (with you gaining an increasingly higher proportion).

He's considered that he can save a lot of money in interest by paying off the mortgage with his lump sum, but by doing so, stops you needing to make payments and paying interest, and also removes your ability from increasing your percentage of equity (which you're fine with).

Now he could take the view that you're taking advantage of his lump sum payment - as by him not making it, you'd carry on paying the mortgage, he would only need to pay half the outstanding mortgage (which includes a bit of interest), and he gets to save his lump sum for something 100% to his benefit.

For the record, I'm not saying that's necessarily right, I can just understand the thought process.

Coincidentally, early on I had similar scenario with my wife (but entirely different circumstances revolving around a joint mortgage and overpayments).

I came to peace with the fact that we are in a relationship and that it was unreasonable to be against my contributions benefiting her. Strictly financially, the alternative was that I'd only end up with loads of money in a savings account, which I had nothing to do with, while simultaneously paying interest on the mortgage, which made no sense. I decided to make contributions that she directly benefited from, and fortunately we got married a few years later so the rest is history.

I understand he has burned in the past from divorce before, but I think you need to be a lot more serious about protecting yourself, else become yet another casualty on the 'Marriage, relationships & families' board in a few years.

It sounds like your partner has got a very good deal, and you are effectively being punished for his past relationship. I got burned in my last breakup to for a significant amount of money, but I feel if you don't go into your next relationship with an open mind and heart, always protecting yourself from breakup, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

RAS said:

There's a very recent thread on the MSE Housing Forum. The house owner died suddenly, having intended to "put her partner on the deeds" when they'd been together 10.years. She died a few months prior to that.

Partner rang the executor/nephew 4 hours afterwards. Nephew arrived, gave the partner 1 hour to remove themself and their belongings and insisted on receiving the house keys, late in the evening. And was told they wouldn't be sharing the funeral details.

The partner thought they had a good relationship with the nephew.

That's funny, I was about to mention exactly the same thread! Think it was posted this week.