Paying money to my partner

I’ve been with my partner for four years now and moved into his house two years ago, he is 44 and I am 38. I pay half of all the household bills and food, apart from that I pay all of the energy bills because I work from home (which was my suggestion as I thought that was fair) and he has to pay for his fuel to go to go work, which I don’t. He has two children (I have none of my own and don’t wish for any, we made that as a joint decision) and they stay with us on average of three days a week. Because I work from home I do a lot of the school runs and actively care for his children as he can work longer hours than me, which I’m happy to do, they’re lovely kids. They are 8 and 11 and we are very much a family unit when we are together, sharing all aspects of the childcare.

Since I moved in we decided that instead of me contributing a rental payment towards his mortgage that I would save instead towards our next chapter. We have decided to stay in his house and make home improvements instead of moving, so we are currently having a loft conversion. This is around £50k and the money I’ve saved is going to pay for half of it. At this point we have decided that I will start to contribute half towards the mortgage payments (with the appropriate legal paperwork and documentation in place to protect us both- we are both very transparent and honest with each other and are happy that the other is protecting themselves).

This is all fine, except that he has a rental property that he is going to sell and potentially look at paying off a large chunk/all of the mortgage on the house that we live in. He wants me to continue making payments to him so that one day I will own half of the house we live in. Owning half of the house isn’t important to me and he can’t understand why I can’t see this as a fantastic investment opportunity, which of course it would be if I was that way inclined! I am happy to split everything in half moving forward: mortgage payments, bills, home improvement, furnishings, everything. He seems to dislike the idea that I should be benefitting from him in this way, even though I am happy with disproportionate ownership. The house would be left to his children, if we are lucky enough to be able to pass it on. It kind of feels a bit transactional that I would continue to pay rent to him even if the mortgage has been paid off, just so that I can own half of the house, which I don’t really have my heart set on. He is very unhappy with me and I can’t figure it out in my head what is the right thing to do or say, I’d be so grateful for some insights.


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  • Emmia
    Emmia Posts: 2,938
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    edited 9 November 2023 at 11:34AM
    Do you have any plans to marry? Are Wills in place?

    As it stands, you're getting a beneficial interest in the property if you contribute to the loft conversion, but you're not on the deeds or mortgage (presumably) so to get that money back if you split up, you'd potentially need to undertake legal action.

    Personally I'd be cautious about putting money in to the conversion without a formal change to the ownership, and legal documents recognising this.

    If he popped off now, the kids (or their representatives) or the bank could potentially boot you out quite quickly (so the house can be sold) as you're basically a lodger.
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 18,617
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    What happens with the house  if he dies before you and you are not on the deeds?
  • I don't think he's keen on marriage after a messy divorce with his ex, I know he feels burned after a large settlement with her. Thank you, you are right in that we need to look at the deeds sooner rather than later. I don't have a will but I know he does and the named executors of his will are his brother and close family friend. I am close to both so if the worst was to happen I hope I wouldn't be unceremoniously booted out, but you are right in that I should bear this in mind sooner rather than later!
  • Thanks Emmia - you are absolutely right!
  • Especially if you are going to leave your share of the property to his children. They’ll be benefiting from your contribution so make sure you are protected.
  • Thanks everyone. Tbh it's this bit I need help with: "He wants me to continue making payments to him so that one day I will own half of the house we live in (even when he's paid the mortgage off) Owning half of the house isn’t important to me and he can’t understand why I can’t see this as a fantastic investment opportunity, which of course it would be if I was that way inclined! I am happy to split everything in half moving forward: remaining mortgage payments, bills, home improvement, furnishings, everything. He seems to dislike the idea that I should be benefitting from him in this way, even though I am happy with disproportionate ownership."

    I feel like I'm being forced to own half a property because he thinks otherwise I'm benefitting off him? 
  • Emmia
    Emmia Posts: 2,938
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    Thanks everyone. Tbh it's this bit I need help with: "He wants me to continue making payments to him so that one day I will own half of the house we live in (even when he's paid the mortgage off) Owning half of the house isn’t important to me and he can’t understand why I can’t see this as a fantastic investment opportunity, which of course it would be if I was that way inclined! I am happy to split everything in half moving forward: remaining mortgage payments, bills, home improvement, furnishings, everything. He seems to dislike the idea that I should be benefitting from him in this way, even though I am happy with disproportionate ownership."

    I feel like I'm being forced to own half a property because he thinks otherwise I'm benefitting off him? 
    If you pay towards improvements or the mortgage you're getting an interest in the property. If you / he really wants you to have no interest, then you shouldn't pay for this stuff and the situation is then clear. 

    Save your money. Only pay bills. If you want to invest in the house, pay him the money for a portion which is legally agreed and recorded when that happens.

    If he wants you to pay in, then you need to be buying "something".
  • It all sounds a little bit controlling and you are being asked (expected?) to make very substantial contributions.
    These are big commitments and you've *only* been together for four years.

    If one feels that the other is 'benefitting' that would set alarm bells ringing for me.
    They're weighing you up at that point and putting a value on you.

    He is lucky to have someone with assets and you're willing to pay 50/50.
    Bearing in mind that he has two kids, you are already doing plenty and he is very fortunate.

    Even if all done legal and correct, what would happen in the event of a relationship breakdown?
    You could find yourself homeless, involved in a legal battle and without £50k to fall back on.

    I have no idea about you, your partner or relationship but would tread carefully and certainly wouldn't be committing £50k at this point. Please be careful....
  • T.T.D
    T.T.D Posts: 219
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    I would rather my partner save up her cash once I’ve paid up a mortgage. If she was to agree to a substantial amount being paid on a loft conversion, I would be happy to include this beneficial interest on my will and land registry if I were to die or separate.

    I would not want to collect a “rent” off of her this would be unfair, especially if she is contributing massively to me being able to work longer hours for more pay packet whilst doing more than the 50/50 share of child care of my children to enable this. I would rather this money be directed into say a savings account where you go on family holidays, buy some cool tech, buy a car, buy holiday static caravan and go on weekends the rough the summer.


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