Need a fresh start

This post is taking a lot of courage so please be kind. 

I have been married for 17 years now and I would say at least the last 10 years have been unhappy.

My husband will not hug or even talk to me, he just moans and with me being a softie I just take it all in. My home life is a really unhappy one, I actually can't wait until Monday so I can go to work and talk to people. 

At work I am the most happiest person you could meet I love helping everyone else and have the most amazing friendship with all of my colleagues. No one at work would ever guess how I am feeling, I guess a huge smile is the best disguise. 

I do a lot of networking in my role and have received a lot of male attention lately. I must be letting of the vibe of how I am feeling. This attention (sounds awful) has boosted my confidence and made me realise there is something better for me out there, I just need to find the strength to leave and get it. 

My husband is quite cotroling and made sure I lost my friends early on in our relationship so I would love to find someone to support me through what is going to be a very difficult time for me, I need to do it though to be happy, even if I'm single I will be less lonely than I feel now. 

Does anyone know any good platforms to make friends as I know if people at work were to know how I'm feeling it could get very messy as I work in a male dominated environment and all of my colleagues are very protective over me 


  • Emmia
    Emmia Posts: 2,961
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    I would try and build on the work friendships a little, there isn't really a platform that might offer "friends" who would (if I read your post correctly) be almost immediately asked to support you through / after what might be a traumatic break up. That's emotionally heavy lifting for people you would have met only a short time before - and to start with it looks like a one way street of you taking, without putting in (I'm sorry if that feels like a harsh assessment).

    I realise your husband made you lose your friends before you married - could you try and re-engage with those people?

    Truthfully, if you've decided to end your marriage, you need to take the first step yourself - gather copies of paperwork on the financial assets and keep this outside of the home, look at places to rent or where you'd go, squirrel away the running away fund (if you don't have one already) and go and talk to a divorce lawyer.
  • Abbafan1972
    Abbafan1972 Posts: 6,843
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    I am sorry to hear that you’re going through all this. 

    Can I ask what your age group is please? If you’re on Facebook there is a private page called Silver Friends and also Silver Ladies (neither are meant for dating, just friendship) but you have to be 50+. If you're not in that age group then I’m sure someone will have more suggestions for you. 

    Keep us updated and take care. 
    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £45,189.63/b]
  • gwynlas
    gwynlas Posts: 1,622
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    Your title says you need a fresh start so you need to decide what you want to happen going forrward such as would you be going for a divorce. Making new friends would be good but you canot expect new friends to help make the best decisions for you. There are  any links to womens aid out there and they can offer you help and advice. Do not try to make new relationships until you have dealt with your current one. Can you get a y support from your family.?
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